- Are you dealing with a narcissist,
and wondering how will they react
if I try to expose them?
By the end of this video,
not only am I going to tell you exactly how they react
but I'm going to tell you what to do about it
so that you don't get burned.
(upbeat music)
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung,
and I'm a narcissist negotiation expert,
I have been recognized as a top 1% attorney,
and I've written a couple of bestselling books,
"Negotiate Like You Matter"
and "Breaking Free, A Step-by-step Divorce Guide"
and what I do here on this channel is I teach people
how to negotiate with narcissists, that's you.
So if you're dealing with a narcissist
in any kind of situation where you have to negotiate,
whether it's in business or in your personal life,
make sure you subscribe to my channel
and that way you'll get notified
when I upload brand new content.
All right, let's talk about that narcissists
and what happens to them when they become exposed.
Well, let me just tell you that that
is definitely their worst fear.
They do not want to be exposed,
and so they will do whatever they need to.
I mean, basically they walk around
with kind of two versions of themselves.
There's that little inner child,
that little scared little person inside,
and then there's these layers and layers and layers
of who they want to be, who they want to become,
who they want the world to think that they are.
And so they make sure that the perception
is absolutely what they want it to be.
So they're going to do whatever they need to
to protect that perception.
And I always say that that's literally,
like grade A, diamond level version of supply.
You know they need an endless amount of narcissistic supply
which is anything that feeds their ego.
So it could be adulation or compliments
or having the right friends or,
you know being in the right places
or having the most beautiful home,
or the right car or the prestigious job or the,
you know whatever it is, all those things
give them a sense of value and worth from the external side,
and if they're not going to get it that way,
then they're going to get it the other way
which is what I call the,
you know grade D, coal level supply,
which is like, it burns, it gives them energy.
It's not as good, it's like there's this hierarchy of supply
but the grade D coal level supply is,
I'm going to make you miserable,
I'm going to make you squirm,
I'm going to intimidate you,
I'm going to try to scare you.
And in their warped sense of reality,
they think that they're getting you to respect them
when you act like that,
they really kind of mistake fear of them,
or fear of what they're going to do
or fear of their retribution or any,
that sort of thing for like, now you're respecting me,
now you're giving me the attention that I want.
And so they'll get supply from that way as well.
I mean, they're really supply whores,
they're like sharks that smell blood in the water,
wherever they can get it from,
that's where they're going to get it from.
So, you know, and what I want to do is at the end of this,
I'm going to give you some exact ways to combat,
you know exposing them, especially in negotiations
which is what I teach you how to do.
You don't want to just go ahead and expose them
if you're getting ready to negotiate with them right away,
because that will definitely be something
that you can threaten.
It's a diamond level source of supply,
so you can definitely threaten that source of supply,
and that's going to be
a fantastic source of leverage for you.
And if you want to know more
about how to create leverage over narcissists,
definitely check out my video
on creating leverage over narcissists,
but that's basically the gist of it is,
you know, threatening that source of supply
that means the most to them.
So, how do they act when they get exposed?
Number one is I call it lying and denying.
You know they're going to lie to you and say,
Oh, that wasn't me, I didn't do that.
You're mistaken.
You know, or they'll deny it and just say,
you know, nope, you know it was somebody else,
that's projection, could be gaslighting, you know.
Oh, the text message that you're seeing,
you're misreading it,
you're reading more into it,
and you're taking it out of context.
You know, I'm thinking back to how
in the movie "Dirty John",
which I was thinking I should do a whole video on this,
but in the movie "Dirty John",
which was based on a true story, by the way,
the man who preyed upon the woman
lied and said that he was a physician
and he even would like walk around in his scrubs,
and he would pretend like
he was going to work in these scrubs, whatever.
And then her daughter found his diploma,
and it turned out he was a nurse, not a doctor.
And, you know, he spun some web about
how he was actually a nurse anesthetist,
which has like a doctorate degree,
so he actually is a doctor,
and she kind of like bought it for a period of time because
she just wanted to, you know, have him around,
she loved him, she wanted to believe him.
So they'll do that.
They'll kind of spin these webs and project and deny,
and that's like a form of gaslighting,
which is, you know what you're seeing
is not actually what you're seeing,
it's a way to make you think that you're crazy,
it destabilizes you, it weakens you,
it makes you question your own mind,
and that's what gaslighting is,
and that's something that they'll do as well.
Another thing that they'll do is what we call future faking,
and I have a whole video on this too
if you want to check it out.
Future faking is basically,
you know forget the past, let's just move on from here,
the future is a future,
I'll be better,
everything will be wonderful,
you'll see.
So that's another thing that they'll do
if they think that they're going to be exposed.
Another thing that they'll do is
start back to what worked in the beginning,
hoover you, love bomb you,
you know, you're the best, we're perfect together,
we're supposed to be soulmates or, you know,
if it's a business relationship
I know in my situation I had a business the partner who was
a narcissist,
and when I started to realize what was going on
and expose this other person.
Now, all of a sudden the person started doing
all the things that they weren't doing in the beginning,
you know, stepping up and actually
starting to carry some of the weight in the partnership.
And actually, when that starts to happen,
it's actually more annoying than ever because you think,
why weren't you doing this the whole time?
And if you think that this is so wrong,
give me a so wrong in the comments below.
All right, so the next thing that you'll see, you know,
if none of those other things work for them,
now you've triggered that narcissistic rage,
now that that narcissistic injury has been aggravated
and the narcissistic rage will come out
and they'll start to go crazy,
and they may even collapse.
And I do have a whole video on what happens
when a narcissist collapses,
what that looks like or becomes undone.
The Hugh Grant movie, "The Undoing"
is a great example of that,
and I have a video on that as well
if you want to check it out
but that's what will definitely happen.
So what can you do about it?
Because in negotiations you want to tread lightly
until you're ready to unleash your leverage,
until you've put together that strategy,
which is all part of my slay methodology.
Which is strategy, leverage, anticipate and focus on you.
So until you're ready to unleash your leverage
and really get them to feel squeezed and motivated
to come to the negotiation table with you,
then what you should do instead are a couple of things.
One is, bartering
and bartering is a very special way
of dealing with a narcissist.
This is where you basically
give them something that they want
to get something that you want.
So you might say something like,
can you handle updating the QuickBooks
and doing the financial projections?
You're so much better at that than I am.
So you give them a little of that
what I call narcissistic fluffing,
you're just kind of fluffing up their ego,
like you're fluffing up a pillow,
you give them a little something
and then you get a little something back.
So that's bartering.
So that's the first thing that you can do.
The next thing that you can do is give them choices.
You can say, you know, within a universe of things,
you know, would you prefer this or would you prefer that?
Or just make whatever it is that you want them to do,
make it seem optional.
You know, you can do this if you want to,
it's okay if you don't, I'll handle it
or it'll get done some other way.
And then their ego steps in,
and like, it's like, no, no, no, I'll do it, I'll do it.
But you have to make them think that they have a choice.
It works absolutely beautifully,
and that's how you sort of ethically manipulate them
into doing something that you want them to do.
The next thing that you can do is you can
ask them what they think.
What do you think about that?
What do you think about how this outcome would look?
Or what do you think about this idea or something like that
and then make them think
that they're coming to that conclusion,
that they're coming to that idea on their own.
So that in a negotiation,
they may even end up proposing it to you,
and then they want to take credit for it,
and that's totally fine
because you ended up getting what you wanted
and they're none the wiser.
So those are just a few things that you can do
in order to minimize what you're going to get,
if you just totally expose a narcissist.
So if you are getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist
please grab my free "Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet"
at winmynegotiation.com.
And if you want to connect with other people
who are negotiating with narcissists,
come on over and join my free private Facebook group.
It's called Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung.
And if you liked the video,
give me a like, give it a share,
share it out with your friends and your family,
and also drop me that comment, you know,
you think it's so wrong how they act and how they behave,
and how they treat people,
give me a so wrong in the comments.
And if you haven't subscribed to my channel,
now's a great time to do that,
subscribe and hit the notification bell.
I'm Rebecca Zung.
I'm so glad that you stopped by my channel.
I'm so glad that you're here.
If you're dealing with a narcissist,
I send you light, I send you so much love,
and stick around, I'll see you in the next video.