Chris: Guys, wake up! Matt just gave us a new writing assignment.
Chris: We gotta write a eulogy for Aaron.
Did he die?
Chris: No, but...
Chris: He got a motorcycle.
Ohhh. So we'll need this by the end of the week.
Chris: End of the day.
Chris: Instead of getting a normal helmet...
Chris: He decided to get one of those old-timey leather ones.
Josh: I'll bet that looks awesome!
Chris: It looks badass! But the thing is, is that it doesn't really protect your brain.
Chris: So, we have to write a really nice eulogy story. So, that we can read it at the funeral.
Josh: In my experience of running a big, Hollywood series,
Josh: I know that no story is an original story.
Josh: So what we need to do is take one of these obituaries, and just write him into it.
Josh: (reading) Aaron loved flowers, watching the birds and squirrels play,
Josh: (reading) and wrote beautiful calligraphy.
Josh: (reading) And she cherished her five children...
Josh: (reading) And was the first black stenographer of the county...
I like that.
Chris: No! God dammit, look!
Chris: People are going to that he's not black.
Josh: Are you sure?
I didn't know...
Chris: His family, his girlfriend are gonna get- Oh my God.
Chris: What about Barbara? How are we going to get to tell Barbara?
Josh: Won't the coroner tell Barbara?
Chris: One of us should tell her.
Chris: Probably me...
Josh: You know what? Let's get you ready! Let's do some role play.
Josh: I'll be Barbara...
Chris: Okay, yeah yeah okay...get ready for it...
Chris: Barbara and Chris and...
Chris: Action
Chris: Hey Barbara, how is it going?
Josh Barbara: Oh, hey Chris,
Josh Barbara: Yeah, I am not doing so good.
Josh Barbara: Aaron has been riding his motorcycle so much lately.
Josh Barbara: I am thinking about breaking up with him.
Chris: Well...
Chris: you may not have to Barbara.
Chris: He's dead.
Josh Barbara: Ohh, oh no!
Josh Barbara: Oh Chris, I'm so sorry
Josh Barbara: You were like his best friend.
Josh Barbara: You must be like a hot mess of protein right now...
Chris: Yeah, actually I am.
Josh Barbara: It's okay, Chris. You're a sweet guy.
Josh Barbara: Don't worry.
Josh Barbara: We'll get through this together.
Chris: I guess it is good that we can comfort each other...
Josh Barbara: Yeah.
Josh Barbara: Certainly it make things easier, eh?
Well, I think that it went really well.
Chris: Yeah, no, I feel good about that.
Chris: So, we've got the Barbara situation figured out.
Chris: But we still have to write the eulogy.
Chris: And we have nothing.
Maybe we should use the "fluffies"
Josh: "fluffies."
Josh: it is just like MabLibs okay?
Josh: For instance, we start with bacon.
So Aaron was having bacon for breakfast.
Josh: When he suddenly realized that he had...
Josh: anus problems.
So, he took a trip to the light bulb store,
Josh: to see the doctor.
Josh: ...that does not actually make sense.
Unless, the guy who runs the light bulb store
used to be a doctor.
Josh: But still sees anus patients secretly on the side.
Yeah.
Chris: Oh, Jesus Christ guys!
Chris: Is this how you've been writing scripts?
Chris: Okay, look...
Chris: We have to deliver this eulogy to Matt in 10 minutes okay?
Chris: and if we don't get to him we're gonna lose our jobs.
Aaron: Hey.
Chris: Shit.
Chris: Aaron, what are you doing here?
Aaron: Oh, I got an email about some sort of eulogy script or something.
Aaron: What is going on?
Chris: You were on the email?
Aaron: Yeah, but it did not have any info on it, so what is the concept?
It's...
It's a short that takes place at a funeral.
We've written most of it.
And we just have to write the eulogy part of it.
Aaron: Okay, alright.
Aaron: Well, who's the guy who died?
Uhh, in the script his name is Ayron
Aaron: Okay, cool, alright.
Uhh, how does Ayron die?
Ayron dies in a...
...fiery...
...car crash?
Aaron: OK...
Aaron: ...Drama!
Josh: That's it!
Aaron: Alright.
Aaron: Let's think here.
Aaron: Ayron hated being torn to pieces
Aaron: and lit on fire.
Aaron: Which is tragic,
Aaron: because that's how he died.
Aaron: But, if I know one thing about Ayron....
Aaron: ...so this day, let's not remember the loss of Ayron.
Aaron: But, let's remember how he touched us.
Aaron: In the only way Ayron could.
Aaron: ...which is physically.
Chris: That was really beautiful Aaron
Aaron: It's really hot in here.
Chris: Shit.
Chris: it is 4:55.
Chris: We have to get this to Matt.
Chris: He leaves the office exactly 5 o'clock.
Chris: Jesus! Email to him.
Chris: I can't email to him, it is hand written!
Aaron: I can take to him.
Aaron: The bike is really fast!
Aaron: I'll get there right away!
Chris: Yeah, yeah, go, go, go!
Aaron: We're gonna do it.
Group: Yeah!!!
Chris: Go team!
(crash)
Chris: What the hell was that?
...sounded like a car crash
Matt: Aaron was a special person.
Matt: He always hated
Matt: being crushed to bits and set on fire.
Matt: So, it is truly tragic.
Matt: That that is the way
Matt: he died.
Chris: Oh, Barbara, I feel so bad.
Matt: Let us not think about how Aaron died.
Matt: Let us think about how Aaron lived.
Matt: in particular...
Matt: Aaron and I would often go for a beer at...
Matt: ...the light bulb store.
Matt: So, now
Matt: we lay our friend to rest.
Matt: In the way we assumed he would have wanted.
Matt: Thanks, everyone.
(patriotic song)
Chris: Oh...console me, Barbara...
Chris: Console me!
(stabbing noise from shovel)
Ashley: Whenever you spend any of that money,
Ashley: there's a 1 in 10 chance that whoever you'll give the money to...
Ashley: turns into a ninja and fights you to the death!