Okay, excuse me miss. I gotta commandeer this vehicle.
Yep.
I gotta commandeer this vehicle right now.
I gotta commandeer this vehicle, alright?
Y'all have to get out. Y'all gotta get out.
No. I don't-
Y'all gotta get out. Y'all gotta get out of the car right now.
You know what?
But look. But look. But look. But look. But look. But look.
Look at it, okay? Look at that.
Sir, based on that-
FBI. FBI. FBI. FBI. Okay.
So y'all gotta get out of the vehicle.
Let me have the vehicle.
So what is the situation? Yeah, what-
Okay, m'am. [crosstalk 00:00:27] Okay.
Okay, well, let me just ... Okay.
You don't need to know all the details of the situation.
Let me just put a hypothetical to you though, okay?
Okay. Alright.
Hypothetically, there was a dude, okay?
And perhaps that dude was in the middle of robbing
a liquor store, right?
And maybe he found a safe and he was like, wow, finally.
Jackpot. Six liquor stores, couldn't find the safe.
Finally found a safe. Right? And he found a safe,
and the dude was cooperative and he got the money, right?
And now that dude is fleeing the scene
as fast as he possibly can, okay?
And you're trying to apprehend him?
I gotta catch that dude.
I gotta catch that dude. I gotta catch that dude.
Okay, what I would say is,
is that that is not an FBI situation.
That's a police or a sheriff situation,
and we have not gotten that call.
Let me take this one off your hands.
Well, you know what? I'm gonna say thank you for the tip ...
Mm-hmm. Right, right.
So that we can do our job.
Oh, no, no, no. Thank you, sir.
That is real good of you.
But did I mention this?
Did I mention this about said gentleman, okay?
I don't know if I had mentioned this.
He is from ... He's from Kenya.
Sure. Okay?
Oh.
Which makes it an international matter, okay?
Alright? He's a Kenyan refugee, alright?
Okay.
He's gonna take that money and turn it into Kenyan notes
and go back to Kenya and take a bunch of little babies
and bring them back here and sell them.
Okay. I can't have that.
Alright, you know what?
Y'all ladies come on out the vehicle.
No, you know what? I'm gonna let you come-
Y'all can move out the vehicle like this. Here we go.
I'm gonna let you commandeer this vehicle.
Yeah. I live it. But in the backseat.
Okay. Alright.
Okay? That's fine. Why don't we just go?
And I'm gonna tell you where we-
You can come down to the station with us
and tell us all about everything.
But before we go to the station, how about we get as close
to the state line as we possibly can?
I'm gonna say why don't you give me that again?
Take a look at it.
And I'm just gonna hang onto it.
Okay. Alright. That's fine. I'm just gonna hang onto it.
But I believe I still have jurisdiction over you
as a member of department of the treasury.
Okay. Yes. Thank the lord. Okay.
Hey baby. What's going on?
Bravo. Thank you so much for coming.
So here's what I wanna make sure you all understand right now,
right off the top. I called you to report a crime
that I don't have nothing to do with, okay?
Oh, this is a first.
I'm not involved in the crime. I didn't perpetrate the crime.
I didn't do anything, okay? I was-
Can we get to the crime?
Yes ma'am. Yes. We can. I was minding my own ...
I was walking down the street, okay?
And I was indeed, I'm not gonna lie, I'm a vagabond a bit.
I'm a little bit of a vagabond.
I was looking for shelter. I found this vehicle.
The window was open, and I climbed in.
I climbed into the car.
Okay, so you called us to tell us that you climbed into a car?
Yes. I looked in the trunk,
and there's something in the trunk
that I think may be of interest to you
so I made sure that I called immediately.
Okay. What's in the trunk?
What's in the trunk?
There's a head. There's a head in the trunk.
There's a head. 23-year-old male head.
Hypothetically, if I had severed the head ...
Yeah, let's get to that.
If I had done it ...
Okay. Okay?
Then?
What would the repercussions be?
Hypothetically? Hypothetically?
Just hypothetically speaking, let's say I did.
If you had done it? Let's say I was not me.
Let's say I was a different person.
Let's do role ... Let's play role play.
You be you. You'll be ... We'll be cops.
I'll be me. We're gonna be us.
Okay. Okay.
I'll be me, okay? Okay.
We would be like, uh, hold on.
Hey, I just cut-
Stop. Freeze. Stop in the name of the law.
Don't move. Get them damn guns out my way.
Don't move. Freeze.
I'm crazy. I'm crazy.
And then we would go, boom!
Boom! Boom!
There's a head in that trunk!
Oh, lord! That's a head in that trunk!
And now I'm like, oh, I'm bleeding.
I'm bleeding. Oh, there's a head.
I hate you, Jerome. Why did you betray me?
Okay, you just said Jerome.
Why did you-
Stop. We're not role playing anymore.
We're playing real life. Why did you say Jerome?
That's my cousin's name that had just come to me right now.
Is your cousin living or is he dead?
Well, when you have handle ...
Is your cousin living or is he dead?
He's living. He is alive. He is alive with the lord.
Alive with the lord.
Get your ass in the car.
Hypothetically speaking,
you're about to get your salad tossed in prison.
Oh, okay. Well, thank God it's hypothetical. Okay.
I figure if they call it superman XL,
that's gonna make you some XL, right?
This (bleep) it's like ... I don't know what it is.
It doesn't do (bleep) Oh. What the (bleep).
Pat me down right now. For real.
Pat you down right now?
Pat me down right now. No, for real. Do this, man.
What? Pat me down.
Pat you down right now? You got to do it, man.
Why do I not ... I don't like ...
There's something about this I don't like one bit.
Sir, step away from the car.
Step away from vehicle Okay. Okay. You want me ...
Step away from the vehicle. No, no, no. Put your hands down.
Put your hands down like a normal person.
Okay. Alright, I'm gonna take my hands
out of my pocket right quick.
Real, real, real slow.
Okay. Real slow.
Real slow, alright? Okay?
Y'all understand? Okay, now look here.
Now, I wanted to ask you both a question.
Alright. Alright.
About the contents of my pockets, okay?
Our first question was gonna be,
do you have any illicit substances on you?
Substances in your pockets. All the sudden this is like
Jeopardy where the question gets put to us,
and then we have a ... What the hell?
Now, okay just- Throw it down. Set these down.
Alright. I'm gonna put this on the ground.
Just set them all down.
Set them all down. Set them all down.
Should I put my hands back in my pocket?
No. This time now let's keep them up at our sides.
Okay. Alright.
Okay, let me just set up a scenario for y'all, okay?
A scene, a setting, an example.
He's gonna tell us something. Yes. Mm-hmm.
A gentleman was careening down the streets, okay?
And bumped into me.
Moving very quickly.
Now listen, man. I don't know if y'all believe in God,
but I believe in God, okay?
And I'm gonna tell you what happen.
Every one of them bottles have flown up into the air,
and they had flown into my pockets.
And that was God knowing that I was having ...
I was feeling a little down, a little blue last week, okay?
And he provided you with five Oxycontin bottles.
So the lord ...
Provided for me.
Hey, you wanna throw those on for me?
Okay. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be great.
That'd be great. Thanks.
I'll take a half too. I'll take a half too.
Nobody in Reno's in Jeopardy.
Oh, you want half?
Oh, you took a whole one? How much you supposed to take?
Half.
Oh. I'll drive.
Yeah, maybe you should drive.
I'll drive.
I'd be more than happy to drive.
You're good. You're good.
Okay, excuse me officers, okay?
I just need to tell you right now, alright?
That this is not what it looks like.
I came here to ask you a couple of questions.
Well, go ahead. Okay.
Okay, yeah, so hypothetically speaking ...
Yes? Hypothetically speaking, okay?
Make believe. Make believe, right?
Okay. Make believe.
Make believe.
If one were to come across a wheel barrel like this, okay?
Yeah.
And this wheel barrel may have been involved
in some kind of illicit activity
that may involve two or three people wearing masks
and one of them may happen to work at the Metro Casino.
That's neither here nor there.
I came diligently looking for you.
Thank God I ... I won't touch you officer,
but if I could I would hug you. Looking for you just to show you
that this could indeed be contraband involving people.
Let me ask you this.
If indeed this was contraband ...
Yes.
And it were involving people ...
Yes.
Would all of the people he involved,
would they all get in trouble?
Yes.
That's what they're born to do.
Yeah, I'm sorry. Them windows don't roll down back there.
Let me guess now. Let me guess.
Is that muskrat? Muskrat? Is that ...
Damn. You done this before? That is muskrat.
I think I might have ...
It might be some subtle hints of elk.
Uh, Damn. You should join the carnival, boy.
Yeah, I mean, you know sometime ...
You got elk in the trunk. You got two muskrat.
Two muskrat? Okay.
You got a couple of beaver,
and I think it used to be possum,
but honestly I can't tell no more.
There's a little bit of possum in there.
I can smell the possum, just a touch, a touch of possum.
Playful, but robust, you know what I mean?
Yeah. I'll get the air conditioning.
Oh, no. Yeah. Air conditioner's busted.
Make sure ... Don't put it on recycle.
Put it on the air that's coming in.
Oh, it's busted anyway. Okay.
Sorry about that.
Alright. Well, maybe that's for the better.
You got him, Jim?
Son of a bitch.
You got him?
I lost him.
Hey guys. How you doing?
Hey, hold on! Freeze! Freeze! Freeze!
Hey! Freeze!
Freeze! Hold on right there.
Good God.
Other hand where I can see it.
Step out of the boat. Step out of the boat.
Why were you running?
I wasn't running. I wasn't running.
I was relaxing. I was taking a repose.
You were taking a repose?
In the boat. Yeah. That's all I was doing.
You guys think that I was running from you?
Yes. Yes.
You were running from us. Why were you running?
And we were chasing you.
No. No, no. Okay, let me ... Can I ask ...
May I make an inquiry? May I make a ...
Can I ask a question? I'm not gonna ... (bleep)
You know what? I wish you would so I can catch my breath.
Hands on your head. Hands on your head.
Okay, hypothetically speaking ...
Yes. Yes.
Alright? If you did indeed see me ...
Yes?
Are you sure that I was not running with you behind me
in the intention of showing you a crime scene?
Is that what ... Was that your intention?
That is exactly what I was doing because ...
What would-
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You were running from us.
We said, Freeze.
Stop. Get on the ground. Get on the ground,"
and you didn't because you were leading us ...
Leading us to a crime scene?
Quickly to a crime scene?
Right. And I figured if I continued to run
at the pace I was running,
you guys would get there before said crime was perpetrated.
But you got so far ahead of us that you thought
you'd take a rest, so you jumped in the boat?
In the boat?
That's my 380 right there. This is yours? Mm-hmm.
This is your Beretta 380? Correct.
So you're saying right now to me this is yours?
That's your gun? That is indeed my weapon.
So you were running? Mm-hmm. We were chasing you ...
I said, "Put it down, put it down, put it down."
And you did throw a weapon down?
And you threw it? Right.
Because I felt that the chase was not spicy enough, you know?
I felt like I really needed you guys
to step it up in pursuit of me. I'll tell you what
So that we could get to the crime when it's happening?
Absolutely.
If this is spicy enough for you, I literally (bleep)
my pants about a mile ago.
Perfect. See?
Once again, would you rather have me in a pronated
or a supinated position?