I remember a few years ago I was in
Australia and spoke at an event with
some very very successful entrepreneurs
and they took me out to dinner
afterwards and there was four guys and
two ladies and two wives and I asked him
I think it was like 12:30 in the morning
I asked just everyone at the table
was he a purpose in life nobody could
answer two people said I don't know two
guys rambled on for five minutes which
meant then no idea one lady had no one
other wives said I don't know the other
wives started talking and then she broke
down and attacked a husband a simple
question what I hope is in life no idea
what color is your tie Brian I think
it's red it's red right I mean not very
difficult to answer but people don't
know because they never spend any time
with themselves I always say people make
time for everything and everyone else in
their life but they never make time for
themselves if you go up to someone who
you know and say like would you like
ketchup for coffee
let's do coffee no like oh I can't this
week but I can next week how about
Thursday 7 p.m. perfect I'll see you at
this place
when was the last time someone is
willing to take time out of their life
to spend time with themselves so if I
wanted to get to know you and we've had
one dinner have a great conversation
we're spending time here if I wanted to
get to know you I would have to spend
time with you
we'd have to meet up for coffee a glass
of wine but I really want to get to know
you maybe we meet up once a week every
Friday night we go out for a glass of
wine we chat for a couple of hours after
you get to know you really well you get
to know me really well but it requires
me spending time with you so if you want
to get to know yourself you need to
spend time with yourself but in in a way
that you can inquire right so people say
to me things like I walk my dog in the
park that's my time with myself and I'm
like no it's not that's you walking the
dog and they don't like the house you
know they go for a jog that's my a long
time no that's your jogging avoiding
traffic watching where you're stepping
so you don't trip and fall over spending
time with yourself is sitting down
closing your eyes not interacting with
the outside world and actually going
inside and having that conversation the
same conversation I would have with you
and say like hey Brian so we're waiting
you grow up you know you said California
do you like to surf no hate the water I
love the water tell me right and people
don't have that conversation because
they don't have that conversation with
themselves they don't end up knowing
what they want in life because they
don't know what they want in life they
can't focus that find an amount of
energy and then they don't live a
lifestyle that brings them happiness I
mean most people end up being happy
unhappy as a by-product
so what is the tool to use just people
used to start is it that focused
meditation is it just being with
themselves alone asking questions yeah I
would say just you know take five
minutes out of the day every morning and
maybe images to it Monday to Friday and
take the weekends off you know wake up
in the morning shower go to a quiet
place in your home or apartment sit down
for five minutes close your eyes if you
do a couple of breathing exercises and
maybe just take a few deep breaths or
relax yourself and then start having
that conversation with yourself same
conversation and then people the next
natural question is what do I talk about
right well what would you talk about if
you met a stranger at about would you
sit there and stab them would you ask
questions what's your name how are you
feeling what do you think about the
election in America ask yourself these
questions have a conversation the same
way you wouldn't have with a stranger
with yourself when you have that
conversation every day the initial
conversations would be very superficial
of feeling today I'm hungry didn't like
that show we watched last night and then
after a week we're not gonna be talking
about that if we met every once a week
for six months by month three or month
for our conversation to be so much
deeper right we'll be talking about much
more personal stuff and then you'd
really get to know yourself right and
you're diving deep and just trying to
find out what you really want what
motivates you right who you are how
you're treating the people you love
exactly how you're treating yourself
right right and that conversation
doesn't happen on day one sometimes it
does but most of the time it doesn't it
comes after the fifth or sixth or
seventh conversation when you feel
comfortable when you can trust the other
person with more deeper personal stuff
the same way you have to trust yourself
too yeah once you close your eyes and go
inside of you you realize that you're
gonna see things that you love and
things that you don't love and you have
to be prepared for that most people
can't handle that they can close the
eyes and go in and see all the things
they love about themselves but they're
things that aren't pleasant makes them
open the eyes and go this is absolutely
useless it could definitely use my time
in much more productive ways and then
they get up and they leave that's the
reaction when they kind of see something
they don't want to oh thank you I
thought why am I sitting here it's an
absolute waste of time I've got a to-do
list I can go get things done this is a
waste of time and temporary temporarily
feel better or feel like you
accomplished a goal or something when in
fact you still don't know why you're
here what your purpose is etc exactly so
same way like you get to know someone
you love right you see all the good
things about them and all the
not-so-good things this is part of the
package right but you love and accept
them because you love that person the
same way you need to take that approach
with yourself
you can't know what you want until you
spend time with yourself
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