If you feel like your husband or wife may call it quits on your marriage soon, it can
be a terrifying thing.
You may feel helpless and that there’s nothing you can do to save your marriage.
However, regardless of how bad things are right now, there are things that you can do
ON YOUR OWN that can help salvage your relationship and prevent divorce… even if your partner
has said they want out.
Hi, I’m Brad Browning…
I’m a marriage coach from Vancouver, Canada and I’m the author of the best-selling Mend
The Marriage course.
For over 13 years, I’ve done work with thousands of couples to help save their marriage…
and the one myth that I constantly encounter is that one spouse can’t save the marriage
alone.
Well, I’m here to tell you that this is totally not true.
In fact, I’ve seen many saved marriages where all it took was one partner taking action…
even if their husband or wife has stated that they’ve already given up.
So without further ado, lemme share with you 5 ways that you can start saving your marriage
ON YOUR OWN and without your spouse’s help.
Number 1: Accept the Situation
It’s perfectly normal to have a hard time accepting that your spouse feels the way they
do.
And a common reaction is trying to convince them that things can get better.
However, this is actually the worst thing you can do in your situation.
As tempting as it may be, crying and begging for your spouse to give your marriage another
chance will not change their mind.
Reacting to the news angrily also won’t help.
Since your spouse is already past the point of believing change is possible, your desperation
will have no impact on them.
Instead, these types of reactions will make you appear weak and out of control.
If you want to save your marriage, you will not get there through pity, cruel words, or
dramatic actions.
It’s okay for your spouse to know that you’re upset about the situation, but it’s more
important for them to know that you have control of your feelings.
To save your marriage you need to accept the situation and acknowledge that you played
a role in creating your marital problems.
So accept the fact that your spouse is unhappy with your marriage.
Accept the fact that you’ve made mistakes (and will continue to make mistakes).
Accept the fact that your SPOUSE makes mistakes and that we are all human.
Once you accept your situation, you will be better equipped to tackle the journey ahead.
Number 2: Build Resilience
Once you have overcome the initial shock and accepted the situation at hand, you then need
to create a plan to save your marriage.
Start by building strategies to take care of yourself, and find a way to maintain a
positive outlook.
If you can do this, then you’ll eliminate the one thing you don’t want to do - give
your spouse more reasons to want to leave you.
Focus on staying positive, maintaining your dignity, and taking care of yourself emotionally,
physically and mentally.
Everyone has a different way of doing this, but find what works for you and manage your
emotions.
One of the best ways to stay resilient is to find a main coping mechanism.
Whether it be yoga, exercise, work, or reading, you need to find an outlet that you can escape
to when emotions are getting you down.
Remember, your husband or wife isn’t going to be receptive to someone who is floundering
in life.
So the less reasons you can give your spouse to leave you, the better.
Number 3: Commit to Change
You know that popular saying, “Be the change you want to see….”
Well that’s exactly what you need to do to save your marriage.
Look closely at your behaviour in the relationship.
Ask yourself in which ways you can change to create positive responses from your spouse,
and what behavioural habits your spouse reacts negatively to.
Remember, as I’ve said in other videos, you and your spouse interact in what I call
a “revolving stimulus”.
This means that everything you do or say will elicit a response from your partner… and
in turn, you react to their reaction and so on.
Over time, you two will develop a response pattern.
As you can probably see, this response pattern can change DRAMATICALLY if you simply change
the behaviours and reactions on your end.
And if you do this right, over time, you will be able to enact positive change without the
help of your partner.
For example, if you have developed a habit of speaking disrespectfully to your spouse,
they will have also developed a kind of reaction or coping mechanism.
If you stop acting disrespectfully, then your partner won’t need to use their coping mechanism.
If this happens enough, a new pattern of behaviour will emerge.
Assuming the new actions and reactions are positive, the relationship will take a turn
for the best.
Once you create positive interactions with one another, you can begin working on resolving
your marital issues.
If you have any questions about behavioural patterns or would like to share your experience,
please feel free to post in the comments below.
I always do my best to respond to each of you.
Number 4: Dedicate Yourself to the Task
You and your partner are the only two people who really know what goes on in your relationship.
You also know what the biggest problems are for you personally, and you know the changes
that need to be made to save your marriage.
Determine where your biggest issue lies so you can dedicate yourself to resolving these
matters.
Remember that initially, you’ll be doing all the work.
It may not seem fair, but you’re the one who believes in your marriage and wants to
save it.
It won’t be easy, and sometimes your progress may slip, but if you dedicate yourself to
the task, you’ll eventually start to have small successes and it will get easier.
Best of all, once you make some changes your spouse will begin to engage and will become
more willing to assist with reviving your marriage.
Number 5: Seek help.
Sometimes if your marriage is on dire straits, you need the opinion of someone who knows
what they’re doing.
You could always try and get marriage counselling, but of course, if your spouse isn’t willing
to work on the relationship, they might not want to attend counselling at all.
Fortunately, there is another solution.
I do offer 1-on-1 private email coaching to a select number of clients.
If you’re interested in receiving email coaching from me, just head on over to MarriageGuy.com/coaching.
That’s MarriageGuy.com/coaching… and on that website, you’ll see my availability
and all the information you’ll need.
My clients have experienced a 300% increase in success, so please be another one of my
success stories.
Before I wrap up this video I want to remind you that your partner’s unwillingness to
participate in saving your marriage is not at all a handicap.
In fact, working alone can actually be more immediate and effective than working together.
Since you’re the one calling the shots and making the changes, you won’t be wasting
time trying to get your spouse to cooperate.
Just hang in there, and don’t give up.
Well that’s all for now, thanks for watching.
If you’d like to learn more about how to reconnect with your spouse, head over to my
website and watch the full length video presentation… the URL is MarriageGuy.com.
I’d also appreciate it if you’d subscribe to my channel here on YouTube if you found
this video helpful.
That’s it for now, talk to you again soon.