ladies and gents we have 16 contestants
here tonight to battle it out for the
hip-hop Crown who's ready for a rap
battle
my rhyming is potent do you disagree
I'll smack down your argument like WWE
your stupid silly smile can't hide your
confusion me whipping your butt is a
foregone conclusion
you're right I am pretty confused
because I thought this was a gift
wrapping competition I mean I think this
had a good chance of winning right oh
yeah 100 you think my smile is stupid
no
I'm not a fighter I'm an enlightened
lover I'm a namaste out of this battle
brother I mean I really do get the
sentiment but this is technically a
tournament I'm not a part of your system
man
I I'm really sorry where should I put
the mic I did it die break it I'm really
sorry so do I actually need to like rap
right now or nah you're good
wow this was a lot less scary in my
bathroom mirror oh sorry time's up I'm
Mr Big Business I'm the one and only if
you had another brain cell it would
still be lonely
dang it turns out I'm not ready for the
lyrical Carnage of a rap battle
let's go move a little without yeah get
get in your light it's that way my
logic's so strong that it's sticking
Like Glue I'm just like you if you had a
high IQ I've got a master's degree in
nanotechnology you've got a PhD in being
a big dummy
can he say that yeah
my heart is wholesome while your logic
is tripping I spread love like a flower
but you spread poo poo like a pigeon and
our minds are like statues out in the
city sorry if my Rhymes are getting too
snippy
you're just mumbling are you are you
even saying words like really
this is this is what you guys want oh
wow very cool you don't think I can do
the same thing
give me a break
I win right
I'm experimental but also sentimental
you're like Mr Rogers but more
uneventful but irregardless I'm glad to
see you because I think you can cure my
insomnia
oh it's a miracle oh
haha is it my turn Okay uh listen up you
hippie I'm never monotonous I'll
reiterate the point I'm never monotonous
my Rhymes are super sweet like an Excel
spreadsheet and that's a fact G now lift
your phalanges
what that uh you get it phalanges that's
your fingers
first I am not a rapper jacket shirt
cool hat I can wear four words
oh my gosh you were totally gonna win
this competition can I have your
autograph
but lethal my mind's sharp like a needle
my burst your bubble if you're ready for
action dude you look like a heart attack
waiting to happen
Okay so I've got a business proposition
it's gonna make us Millions people call
me the commander but you can call me
your manager but seriously I'll get you
out of dumps like this and playing
stadiums all I ask for is a 30 cut 10
20. let's get to work let's get out of
here
let us now welcome to the stage our two
finalists
first things first then the second comes
after but don't make me remind you that
I am not a rapper person
I'm not much of a rapper either and
you're way cooler than I am so I don't
stand a chance here I mean I made it to
the finals by sheer luck I really did
but maybe just maybe that means the
universe is on my side
just hit me I'm the one who was chosen
I'm finding my voice like Elsa in Frozen
I'm a rarity you could probably use some
therapy so choose my sincerity over this
parody of popularity and I know this is
gonna sound like psychobabble but I
can't help but wonder why you signed up
for this battle as for me my friends
kind of put me up to it I said I don't
wanna but they forced me to do it I said
I'd rather stay at home but they
wouldn't back down and it would make me
feel bad to see my friends frown but I
feel like you're processing some complex
trauma like rapping is a way for you to
get back at your mama
sorry sorry dude what is wrong with you
it's part of the rap battle
you need to leave I didn't even want to
do this
they say a strangers come to town they
call him Mr Frank James