- Hey, I'm Maitreyi.
- And I'm Jaren.
- And today we are answering some very absurd questions
from this mischievous, very famous cookie jar.
(dramatic music)
- What are you saying right now?
- Well, I'm not gonna kill a man.
- I didn't say to kill anybody!
- That's illegal activities.
You know this jar, right? You've seen it?
- I've seen the jar. - You gotta name it.
And I say Lil Tooth, like a rapper name.
(hip hop music)
- Okay. - No, what's you-
- Lil Tooth is fine. - No, I wanna know
what was your idea?
- Okay, Dr. Jekyll then.
That's what I pick.
(mysterious music)
You know, "Jekyll and Hyde?"
- It's good, we're gonna go with Lil Tooth.
- Okay, Lil Tooth it is.
I don't think I had a choice.
- No.
We'll open it at the same time.
Whoa.
(Maitreyi chuckling)
- All right. - Sorry, sorry.
- Go ahead. - No, you go first.
- Ladies first. - I named the jar.
- Go ahead.
(Maitreyi scoffs)
- Is this one?
This is one.
Ooh, it's a long one.
Jaren! - That's me.
- Congrats. - Thank you.
- "You have been praised for successfully juggling college
and your acting career.
Did you know that ancient Chinese warriors
would often show their juggling skills
to intimidate their enemies before battle?
What skill of yours would you use
to intimidate your enemies?" - Oh, I thought somebody
was gonna ask me to juggle.
- I thought you were gonna juggle
and that's gonna be so bad.
- What skill would I use to I intimidate my enemies?
I think that there's nothing more off-putting
than if I baked a lot of cupcakes
and then just had tons of cupcakes for everybody.
- Attack him brutally, please. - Okay.
Next question.
Maitreyi. - Me.
- That feels so weird
'cause I never actually call her by her name.
David, "Last year - See the lack of respect?
on September 27th you tweeted-
- Oh, I don't, we're going to my tweets?
- Apparently. (Lil Tooth chuckling)
- Questionable, okay.
- 'The things I would do to listen to, 'Boombayah'
for the first time again.'
Tell us, David, what could you do?
How far would you go to listen to that song
for the first time again?"
- What would I do to listen to that song again?
I don't know.
Nothing illegal. - Boo!
- Well, I'm not gonna kill a man.
- I didn't say to kill anybody!
- Well, that's illegal activities.
- Why would you go straight there?
- I wouldn't engage in illegal activities.
- Okay, so what are you gonna do? - Okay, no.
You know that, like, memory thing,
like, in "Men in Black?"
- Yeah, the (imitates laser sound).
- Yeah, I would steal that.
- That's a crime.
- Yeah.
- You said, "No illegal activity."
- Yeah, okay.
I'm stealing an item that doesn't even actually exist-
- Theft. - in the real world.
Oh, theft of imaginary objects.
I would, like, steal one of those.
And then like...
What?
It's not (flapping lips), it's (imitates laser sound).
- I've never seen the movie. - Oh God.
- I thought it was like a (imitates cracking sound).
- No!
Again, me. - That's fine.
- All right.
It says, "Jaren, you have championed the motto,
'Remember the feeling.'
Do you remember the first scene that you shot with Maitreyi?
Describe that feeling in one word."
What was the first scene that we shot?
- You don't remember?
I remember.
- She always remembers.
- You're such a liar.
- I mean, I don't remember the-
- Think about our outfits and that's where we-
- Yes, I totally remember our outfits.
That's something that I keep in my long-term memory storage.
My first feeling that comes to mind
would probably be snarky.
That was a snarky scene.
We were pretty snarky to each other.
- Yeah, snarky. - So.
- We're kinda snarky.
"Jaren and Maitreyi, you two are friends in real life.
The author P.G. Wodehouse said,
'There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship
than a mutual taste in literature.'
I would argue that solid friendships are built
on a mutual taste in snacks.
Which snacks have you two enjoyed sharing the most?"
Hmm.
Chocolates. - Yeah.
- But the thing is you like dark chocolate.
I like white chocolate.
Ice cream.
But I like birthday cake and you like peanut butter.
- Fruit? - I'm trying to think.
- We both like fruit. - That's so boring.
- It's boring, but-
- We really like fruit and granola.
That's not fun.
Yikes, that was sad.
Oh, Maitreyi.
Back to me.
"In the show, the MVP John McEnroe,
narrates the inner workings of your character Devi.
If you could, which celebrity or icon would you pick
for narrating Maitreyi's deepest thoughts and desires?"
(Maitreyi flaps lips and giggles)
What?
I mean, it's kind of like, you know, who do you trust?
- It can be also someone
that you think that you would vibe with.
- Because you knew I was gonna say Mindy.
- Yeah, that's not fair.
- Why not? - It's a cop out.
I love Mindy. - Yeah, so do I, but-
- I mean, she's my aunt, so I might as well.
- That's not true.
- I am a nepo baby.
- It's not true.
- She's my aunt- - That's false!
- so I wanted to keep it in the family.
- She's not her aunt. - Because I think-
- I don't even say aunt.
I say aunt.
- She's my aunt. - Go.
- And yeah, I wanna pick Mindy
because keep it in the family.
- Never gonna beat the nepo allegations, okay.
"Jaren, you were born in Dallas, Texas.
The Dallas Fort Worth International Airport
is the third largest airport in the world.
Speaking of the third largest,
the human lungs are the third largest organs in your body.
How long can you hold your breath?"
Do it right now. (Jaren breathing deeply)
(playful music)
Welcome to The Maitreyi Show
where are we talking about how
absolutely loud Jaren is constantly.
You know what's so crazy, Jaren?
How much I wish you were like this all the time,
that I didn't have to hear you talk.
That'd be kind of crazy if you did this more often.
Then you can really think about expanding
how great you are at this,
and then you could get to a better time and record.
(suspensful music) (Maitreyi giggling)
- (exhaling) I don't have that great of lungs.
- Are you, like, teary eyed?
- No, I mean I was holding my, I wasn't cheating.
I was holding my breath.
- I hope you enjoyed my commentary.
- (sighing) I didn't.
- Okay, one for the both of us.
- That's nice.
That's the last question.
- "Maitreyi and Jaren, in the show you both attended
a school named Sherman Oaks.
Oaks happen to rhyme with jokes.
Can you each make me laugh with a knock knock joke?"
You, buddy?
You, Lil Tooth?
- A knock knock joke.
You know any knock knock jokes?
- I'm thinking.
- Oh.
Knock knock.
- Who's there?
- Interrupting cow. (Maitreyi groans)
Moo!
That's all I got.
- Dude, that was kind of bad though.
- I, yeah.
- You're like that guy that got possessed by an owl.
You know that guy?
- What?
- That guy that got possessed by an owl?
- Possessed by owl? - Yeah, you know that guy.
- What are you saying right now?
- (laughing) You know that guy!
No, I'm serious.
You know that guy.
- Is this part of the knock knock joke?
- No, dude, I'm actually serious.
This is like an actual-
- Do I know someone who was possessed by an owl?
- Yeah, yes, you know who it is.
- What is the context of it?
Why is it being brought up?
- The comments are definitely gonna call you out.
- Call me out for being an owl?
- No, do you not know who the guy is?
(playful music)
- Does anyone else know what's happening?
- (laughing) Dude, seriously?
- Oh, no way.
No way it took me this long.
I'm not- - Who's the guy?
- No, no. - Ask me.
- Hm-mm.
- Ask me! - No!
- Ask me who the guy is.
- Who?
(owl hooting)
That's not a knock knock joke.
- It doesn't matter, man.
You look like an idiot (laughing).
- Lil Tooth hated that.
It says, "Bad."
- Got you.
I got you so good.
Thanks for watching us brave these questions.
- Never Have I Ever Season 4
is streaming now on Netflix.
Please check it out.
(playful music)