Hey everyone, and welcome to TopThink. Today, we are going to learn about how to stop being
shy and awkward… forever! Now, let’s begin
1. Find Your Reasons There’s no single reason
why people feel shy or awkward. You may be searching for the source of your shyness,
but there are many factors in your life that may contribute to your less-than-social personality.
For instance, you may have come from a family of shy and awkward people. Throughout your life,
you may have interacted with people who share your awkward habits. You spent so many formative
years around these shy personalities, you never learned successful social strategies.
Some people learn to be shy from their families and communities, but other people become shy after
a series of bad experiences. You may have learned early in life that vulnerability is dangerous.
Maybe you experienced rejection or harsh criticism. It’s possible you had a bad
experience that discouraged you from taking social risks or seeking new relationships.
No matter where your shyness comes from, you need to know that shyness is not caused by a
mistake you made or a problem you created. You may be shy and awkward, but that’s not
because you did anything wrong. Shy personalities gradually develop after years of inexperience,
isolation, or a lack of social exposure. Most likely, you are shy and awkward,
because you never learned to act any other way. Just like you learned to be shy, you can also
learn how to be more outgoing. Discovering the reasons behind your shyness proves that shyness
is a hurdle you can overcome. It’s possible for you to face your fears, encounter new situations,
and gradually learn to take social risks. Even if you’ve been shy all your life, you will always
have the ability to grow and change. 2. Create Social Goals
If you are a shy person, you may worry your social skills will never improve.
You may look back at all the times you failed to make a connection and criticize your lack
of growth. When you examine your failures all at once, it’s easy to think your shyness will never
improve. But there is an easy way to increase your confidence and expand your social skills.
As a shy and awkward person, you need to see proof that you are gradually coming out of your shell.
In other words, you need evidence that your shyness is starting to disappear.
You need to accomplish social goals, like talking to a stranger,
going on a date, or speaking in front of a crowd.
Each week, create at least one social goal that you want to accomplish.
Each goal should represent a small step toward a larger social aspiration. For example,
if you want to meet new people, you must have at least one conversation with someone you do know.
By creating social goals, and achieving them, you can see proof of your long-term growth.
In a month or two, you will look back at all the hurdles you have overcome,
and you will know with certainty that you have improved your social skills.
3. Deepen Your Relationships Not all relationships are equally valuable.
In your life, you will meet people who are kind and uplifting, but you will also encounter toxic,
critical, and negative individuals who damage your confidence and lower your self-esteem.
As someone who struggles with shyness, it’s very important to carefully select your friends
and confidantes. Not everyone will maintain a positive perspective on your shy personality or
your social struggles. In fact, some people may discourage your efforts to improve yourself, but
these are not the friends you should keep around. Instead, find people worth your time and effort –
people who understand and sympathize with your growth and aspirations. As you gradually improve,
kind, responsible individuals will offer critical support and encouragement. They will become people
you can trust when you need help or advice. If you want to overcome your shyness,
pick one person in your life who you believe to be kind and supportive.
Instead of going out to meet strangers, work hard to deepen your relationship with this one,
trustworthy person. Share your problems with them and listen to theirs. Find common
ground and don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Because one deep, meaningful relationship is worth
100 shallow friendships. In your life, you may never have a huge circle of friends like some
outgoing people, but a handful of meaningful relationships may be exactly what you need.
But you’ll never find those strong relationships unless you’re willing to take social and emotional
risks. So, be selective. Find people who are worth the emotional investment.
Then, do your best to open up. One strong connection, if nurtured and maintained,
can transform your life for the better. 4. The Spotlight Effect
Many shy people assume the world is watching their every move. When you walk into a room, you may be
convinced every pair of eyes is locked on you. You imagine people talking about your flaws. You
may think they’re laughing about the way you’re dressed or the style of your hair. But the truth
is… the world is not paying attention to you. This common cognitive bias is called the Spotlight
Effect. In social situations, many people imagine themselves like an actor on a stage,
standing under a spotlight, with an audience of people watching everything they do.
In reality, there is no spotlight or stage. You are just like everyone else, and most people
are not concerned with the things you do or say. In general, people focus far more on themselves
than they do anyone else. This holds you true for you and for everyone you’ll ever meet.
You may be worried about what they think of you, but they are wondering the same thing.
Most likely, they are worried about the imaginary spotlight shining on them.
If you want to overcome your shyness, remember that other people think and worry the same way you
do. It’s natural to feel like the world is staring at you, but 99% of the time, no one is watching.
5. Abandon Your Stigma As a shy person, you may allow your shyness
to consume your personality. When you retreat from a social situation or create an awkward silence,
you may scapegoat your shyness, claiming every social mistake is a part of who you are.
Shyness may be your primary way of describing yourself. When you meet people for the first time,
you temper their expectations by saying, “sorry, I am a shy person.” But you may not realize
the damage this label actually does. When you call yourself a shy person,
you’re attaching all kinds of negative traits to your personality, most of which don’t accurately
represent who you are. For example, shyness is commonly associated with social anxiety,
quiet temperaments, and a lack of vulnerability. These things may not describe you, but when you
call yourself “shy,” you inadvertently take on these secondary characteristics.
Calling yourself shy also damages your relationships. The people around you naturally
lower their expectations because of this harmful stigma. They may not treat you the same way or
make negative assumptions about your personality — all because you labeled yourself a shy person.
In general, avoid summarizing your personality with a single personality trait.
No one’s personality can be captured in a single word, and you are no different. Shyness may be
one characteristic of your personality in certain contexts, but there are many other
contexts in which you are vocal, passionate, and outgoing. Calling yourself shy does not
do your complicated personality any favors. Allow yourself to represent a diverse and
flexible variety of traits. If you limit yourself to being a shy person, that’s all you’ll ever be.
But if you get rid of this harmful stigma, you can leave your awkwardness behind forever.
6. Shift Your Perspective Shy and awkward people pay too
much attention to their weaknesses and insecurities. In any social situation,
you automatically concentrate on your flaws. You think about the things you can’t do or the
mistakes you might make. You assume people will see your weaknesses and reject your personality.
But your weaknesses should not define who you are or how you present yourself.
Many shy people benefit from shifting their perspective — focusing less on their weaknesses
and more on their strengths. You may not realize it, but everyone has weaknesses,
even the most well-adjusted people. In your life, you will encounter people who
seem effortlessly charming, and you may wonder, “how is this person so perfect?”
But they’re not perfect. They have just as many weaknesses as you do, maybe even more.
The difference is… they do not allow their weaknesses to stand in the way of their strengths.
They appear confident and well-adjusted because they display their strengths in a way
others find appealing. The good news is…
you can do the same thing. Whether you’re empathetic and generous or passionate
and ambitious, you can frame your strengths in a way that gives you confidence and security.
You can interact with people without allowing your weaknesses to overshadow your strengths.
However, this will require a little work and a lot of self-reflection.
Take the time to understand your strengths, your skills, and your passions. Be honest with yourself
about your strengths and weaknesses because they are both important parts of who you are.
As you learn more about your strengths, you may discover that you are capable of
more than you realized. You spent so much time focusing on your weakness,
you never thought about how much you have to offer.
So, don’t hesitate to look. Instead of concentrating on your weaknesses,
rally behind your strengths. Find confidence in your passions and skills because you have as much
to offer as anyone else. Once you discover your strengths and come to terms with your weaknesses,
you can leave your shyness in the past. Thank you for watching TopThink,
and be sure to subscribe, because more incredible content is on the way.