LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I BRING TO YOU NOW BLACK BUSH.
female narrator: PRESIDENT BUSH CONTINUES
TO MAKE HIS CASE FOR AN INVASION OF IRAQ.
- AFTER CAREFULLY EXAMINING THE REGION,
ME AND MY CABINET AGREE THAT THAT AREA
IS DEFINITELY RIPE FOR REGIME CHANGE.
- A'IGHT?
- BUT IF I CAN BE REAL ABOUT IT--
- BE REAL, SON. - REAL?
- BE REAL REAL, SON.
- TRIED TO KILL MY FATHER, MAN.
all: WORD.
- I DON'T PLAY THAT SHIT.
- SAY WORD, HE TRIED TO KILL YOUR FATHER, SON.
- THAT NIGGA TRIED TO KILL MY FATHER!
- WORD TO EVERYTHING WE LOVE,
WE COMING TO SEE Y'ALL, SON.
announcer: MEANWHILE, PRESIDENT BUSH
AND BRITISH PRIME MINISTER TONY BLAIR
OFFERED A SPIRITED EXPLANATION FOR A POSSIBLE WAR WITH IRAQ.
- THIS NIGGA VERY POSSIBLY HAS WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION.
I CAN'T SLEEP ON THAT.
NOT ON MY WATCH!
THAT'S NOT HOW I ROLL. THAT SHIT IS SERIOUS!
NOW, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO TAKE MY WORD FOR IT,
WHY DON'T YOU ASK TONY BLAIR?
HE GOT A WHOLE NOTHER SET OF INTELLIGENCE.
WHAT'S UP, TONY?
- WE DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT SADDAM,
BUT WE CAN'T TRUST RANDOM NIGGAS
WITH THINGS LIKE THAT, AS GEORGE SO ELOQUENTLY PUT IT.
I'M WITH HIM 100% OF THE WAY.
WE DON'T KNOW WHAT HE HAS.
male narrator: IF THE UNITED STATES GOES TO WAR WITH IRAQ,
WILL IT FIRST HAVE TO PROVIDE EVIDENCE
THAT SADDAM HUSSEIN HAS WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION?
SO FAR, THE U.N. HAS FOUND NOTHING,
BUT PRESIDENT BUSH COUNTERS WITH THIS:
- THE NIGGER BOUGHT ALUMINUM TUBES!
DO I NEED TO TELL YOU
WHAT THE FUCK YOU CAN DO WITH AN ALUMINUM TUBE?
ALUMINUM!
THAT DON'T SCARE YOU?
FINE. I DIDN'T WANT SAY THIS.
THE (BLEEP) BOUGHT SOME YELLOW CAKE, OKAY, IN AFRICA.
HE WENT TO AFRICA, AND HE BOUGHT YELLOW CAKE.
- ARE YOU SURE?
- YES, I'M SURE, BITCH!
I GOT THE HEAD OF C.I.A. RIGHT HERE--HE'LL TELL YOU!
- WHAT UP? ARE YOU SURE?
ARE YOU SURE?
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU MOTHER (BLEEP).
THIS IS RIDICULOUS. RIDICULOUS!
ME AND JEB JUST COMING BACK FROM AFRICA.
- CRADLE OF (BLEEP) CIVILIZATION.
- AND THIS NIGGA OUT HERE BUYING YELLOW CAKE.
- FROM THE MOTHERLAND.
- ARE YOU SURE IT WAS YELLOW CAKE?
- Y'ALL NIGGAS DON'T BELIEVE ME,
I GOT SOME YELLOW CAKE RIGHT HERE!
LOOK, YOU SEE? YOU BELIEVE THIS (BLEEP) NOW?
- DON'T DROP THAT (BLEEP)!
- I KNOW. I KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT!
THAT'S WHY I GOT IT WRAPPED UP IN THIS SPECIAL C.I.A. NAPKIN.
- JUST DON'T DROP THAT (BLEEP) HERE.
- YOU BETTER HOPE I DON'T DROP THIS (BLEEP)!
- PRAY TO GOD YOU DON'T DROP THAT (BLEEP).
- YELLOW CAKE.
- (BLEEP) RIGHT.
male announcer: A SENSITIVE ACCUSATION
FOR THIS ADMINISTRATION
IS THE THEORY HELD BY MANY THAT THE REAL REASON
THE U.S. IS SO INTERESTED IN TOPPLING SADDAM
IS CONTROL OF THE OIL THAT IRAQ IS SITTING ON.
- WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE WHO SAY
YOU'RE ONLY INTERESTED IN THE MIDDLE EAST FOR OIL?
- WHAT?
HUH? OIL?
WHO SAID SOMETHING ABOUT OIL, BITCH?
ARE YOU COOKING? OIL?
MAN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT--
COME ON Y'ALL. GET OUT OF HERE!
announcer: PRESIDENT BUSH MET
WITH U.N. SECRETARY GENERAL KOFI ANNAN
AND MADE IT CLEAR THE U.S. WILL ACT
EVEN IF THE U.N. IS RELUCTANT.
- U.N., YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT,
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO?
YOU SHOULD SANCTION ME.
SANCTION ME WITH YOUR ARMY.
OH, WAIT A MINUTE!
YOU DON'T HAVE AN ARMY!
I GUESS THAT MEANS YOU NEED TO SHUT THE (BLEEP) UP!
THAT'S WHAT I'D DO IF I DIDN'T HAVE NO ARMY.
I WOULD SHH! THE (BLEEP) UP.
SHUT THE (BLEEP) UP!
THAT'S RIGHT, KOFI ANNAN.
THINK I'M GONNA TAKE ORDERS FROM AN AFRICAN?
YOU MIGHT SPEAK 16 LANGUAGES, BUT YOU GONNA NEED THEM
WHEN YOU IN TIMES SQUARE SELLING FAKE HATS.
I KNOW GUCCI WHEN I SEE IT, NIGGA.
I'M RICH.
I GOT A COALITION OF THE WILLING.
I GOT 40 NATIONS READY TO ROLL, SON!
- LIKE WHO?
- WHO THE (BLEEP) SAID THAT?
HUH? HUH?
LIKE WHO?
ENGLAND.
JAPAN'S SENDING PLAYSTATIONS.
STANKONIA SAID THEY'RE WILLING TO DROP BOMBS OVER BAGHDAD.
RICKETY ROW IS COMING!
AFRIKA BAMBAATAA AND THE ZULU NATION.
THAT MEANS I AM NOT DOING THIS BY MYSELF,
AND I AM NOT DISRESPECTING THE U.N.,
EVEN THOUGH THEY DON'T GOT NO ARMY.
GO SELL SOME MEDICINE, BITCHES!
I'M TRYING TO GET THAT OIL--
OH! [coughs]
female announcer: THE U.S. FIRED THE OPENING SALVO
IN THE WAR ON IRAQ
WITH AT LEAST 40 TOMAHAWK CRUISE MISSILES
AND PRECISION GUIDED BOMBS, CENTERING ON BAGHDAD.
[Hail to the Chief playing]
male announcer: GOOD EVENING.
TONIGHT, PRESIDENT GEORGE BUSH IS ON BOARD
THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER U.S.S. ABRAHAM LINCOLN
OFF THE CALIFORNIA COAST.
IT WILL BE THE SITE OF WHAT IS ESSENTIALLY
HIS VICTORY SPEECH IN THE WAR AGAINST IRAQ.
- [clears throat]
WHAT DID I SAY?
I'M NOT GLOATING, BUT WHAT DID I SAY?
DID I NOT SAY THAT WE WOULD WIN THAT SHIT?
WE ROCKED THEM 'BAMAS! WE ROCKED THEM!
[whispering] NIGGA, YOU SEE ME COME IN ON THAT PLANE?
SHHHHOOO.
DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DAH!
announcer: FOR THE SECOND STRAIGHT DAY,
THESE HARD-LINE IRAQIS
PROTESTED THE AMERICAN PRESENCE HERE.
- MR. PRESIDENT, WHEN DO YOU THINK
THEY'LL HOLD GENERAL ELECTIONS IN IRAQ?
- DAMN, I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE CALLED ON THIS NIGGA!
I SHOULD NOT HAVE CALLED ON YOU 'CAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS
TRYING TO DISTRACT MOTHER(BLEEP)S
WITH THINGS LIKE THE WAR AND SKIRT ALL THE REAL ISSUES.
GAY PEOPLE ARE GETTING MARRIED, FOLKS.
YES.
NASTY! IMAGINE THAT.
TWO WOMEN TOUCHING ON EACH OTHER'S TITTIE BALLS,
WRESTLING THEM,
GENTLY STROKING THOSE NIPPLES
TILL THEY GET JUST SO STIFF AND ERECT!
BLOWING ON THEM.
[blowing]
MEN. BARBECUE.
"I LIKE YOU." "I LIKE YOU TOO, DOG."
"LET'S GET MARRIED, MAN."
IT'S CRAZY!
- WHAT ABOUT YOUR-- - THAT (BLEEP) IS GROSS!
- MR. PRESIDENT. MR. PRESIDENT, SIR.
HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THE CONTINUAL UPHEAVAL IN IRAQ
EVEN AFTER THE CAPTURE OF SADDAM HUSSEIN?
- WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS, MAN?
I THOUGHT YOU WAS MY BLACK BROTHER.
WHY YOU ASKING ME QUESTIONS LIKE THAT?
FINE, I'LL ANSWER YOUR STUPID-ASS QUESTION.
HERE'S WHAT I FEEL ABOUT IRAQ.
I FEEL LIKE YOU GUYS KEEP TRYING TO DISTRACT PEOPLE WITH IRAQ
WHEN I'M FOCUSING ON OTHER THINGS,
NAMELY THE MOON.
YES, I SAID IT, THE MOON.
CAN'T BE DISTRACTED.
"WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THE WAR?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE ECONOMY?"
STOP WORRYING ABOUT THAT! I GOT THAT (BLEEP) UNDER CONTROL!
LET'S FOCUS ON SPACE, NIGGA.
THE UNITED STATES OF SPACE.
'CAUSE I AIN'T STOPPING AT THE MOON.
WRITE THIS DOWN:
M-A-R-S.
MARS, BITCHES.
THAT'S WHERE WE ARE GOING.
MARS. RED ROCKS!
- YEAH, YEAH!