It's politics season, learners, so you
want to beat the living snot out of everyone who disagrees
with you even a little!
Right?
Well, here's a foolproof way of how
to win any argument in this Uno Dos of Trace one-off.
And the crux of it is so simple--
listen and ask questions.
I know it sounds really easy.
But, like, we're just dumb bumbling humans
at the end of the day!
We're not that complicated!
Let's kick into it.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Hey there, learners.
Trace here.
Thanks so much for tuning into my show.
We're in a contentious time in our country right now.
The holidays.
The holidays!
When arguments get personal.
When humans attack each other's views about everything
from sports to senators to cranberry sauce to gravy.
I'm on both of those trains.
And they do this after imbibing just a little too much sangria,
like at my house.
I think this might not just be me.
Is it not just me.
Right, yeah.
An argument is one of the oldest human traditions.
Friends, family, lovers, haters--
everyone argues.
But almost everyone is doing it wrong.
The best way to win an argument is to listen and ask questions.
Seriously, it is stupid how simple this is!
If I am saying, taxes are too damn
high, your reply shouldn't be, no way.
Because that opens a chasm that we will never close.
Instead, try asking, how do you figure that?
Then, whatever they say--
this is crazy-- listen to them.
Maybe they're an economist.
Maybe they're a racist.
But, honestly, it's more likely that they're
afraid of the unknown.
They're worried about the future.
They carry trauma.
Or perhaps they have their own sources
that they're pulling from.
And the only way you're going to know
that is if you listen to what they're saying and ask them
questions about it.
It might even be that you don't totally
understand the issue that you're trying to debate either.
I mean, is pepperoni the best pizza topping?
Are hot dogs sandwiches?
How do you know unless you talk it over.
And if you keep listening and keep asking questions--
like, what is a sandwich, what would be the best pizza topping
if not pepperoni-- eventually, you'll both get
to a place of understanding.
Arguing is an art form, and at its heart is persuasion.
It's not a war.
It's not a battle.
It's more of a dance.
Right?
And it may seem impossible, but it's all about skill.
So let me give you an example.
When you check in at a fancy hotel,
is your plan to make your own bed?
Hang up your towel after every use?
Squeegee the walls in the shower?
What if we both check in to a hotel room, and in yours,
there is a sign that says, save the environment-- reuse
your towels during your stay and protect vital resources!
And in my room, it says, join your fellow guests
in saving the environment-- almost 75% of guests help
by using their towels more than once.
You can join them to help protect vital resources
by reusing your towels during your stay.
Yes, it's longer.
However, this is an argument from the hotel to persuade you.
It was the subject of a huge psychology study,
and the second card worked really well.
In fact, according to their results,
if we each had four towels in our room and those cards,
chances are, your save the environment
message would help you reuse maybe one or two towels.
And my join others to save the environment message
would help me reuse two or three of my towels.
That's a lot.
This is statistical data.
Persuasion works if you do it right.
And it's based on several factors.
The biggest researcher in this field
came up with these six ways to persuade.
Social proof, authority, liking, reciprocity, commitment
and consistency, scarcity.
Social proof is when we look to others
to see what's right and desirable.
Authority is about looking to Influencers and leaders.
Liking is when a brand that we already like
tries to make an argument.
Reciprocity is when we inherently
want to return a favor.
Commitment and consistency is authenticity--
we want to do something that we say we're going to do.
And then, last but not least, scarcity.
If it's rare, or elite, or limited, we want it.
You can think of this in all sorts of different ways.
If you're at a store and there's a sale, that's scarcity.
If you really like that brand, that's double persuasion.
If your friend tells you about the sale?
Triple persuasion.
And not that it makes it triple the power,
I'm just saying all of the different boxes
are being ticked.
If someone we like thinks a crazy conspiracy theory
is probably real, then maybe we'll consider it.
And if no one we like thinks it's real,
but somehow a leader or influencer that we're
super into says that it's worth looking into,
our brain will say, we should probably
be persuaded by this argument.
If you go to an event where you're
surrounded by people that you like, and they all seem happy,
and maybe they're nice to you-- give you a chair,
or help you by saving your spot in line
at this event that doesn't happen that often,
because it's kind of scarce.
Maybe if you all start shouting about imprisoning people that
haven't committed any crimes, you might join in,
and you might even believe it.
Persuasion is extremely powerful,
and this is just one of many paths to persuasion.
Knowing that these paths are there,
and thinking critically about them,
is like a vaccine for many forms of persuasion.
But there are other methods too.
For example, the elaboration likelihood model
says that there is a continuum of understanding, ranging
from central to peripheral.
Anytime someone says something persuasive,
you are either persuaded or not.
And it comes down to how they crafted the message for you
to process it in your little meat bag brain.
Central processing is thinking.
You want to think about it and make a decision.
Like every time Wikipedia asks me for money.
They're trying to appeal to me on central processing.
They want you to think about Wikipedia,
they want to think about how you use it,
they want you to think about how valuable it is.
You're usually on the website when they're doing this.
So they're like, you know you really like it, look it--
that is persuasive to me.
I definitely give them $3 a month.
They're Wikipedia, come on-- it's $3.
Peripheral, though, is an emotional process.
You're just gut acting and being persuaded without thinking.
Like every time you see an ad for food--
they want you to think about eating right now.
And not thinking about the calories, or your fitness plan,
or anything like that.
So here are three persuasive messages.
Let's eat some tacos!
Do you want to get a beer?
Vote for me.
These are all arguments, persuasions,
from very well-dressed, extremely handsome people.
Maybe you reacted peripherally to tacos.
Who doesn't love a taco?
Then you were somewhere in the middle for beer.
What time is it?
Is it too early for a beer?
Is it too late?
Do I even like beer?
And, centrally, for vote for me.
Because is Trace actually running for something?
Would I vote for him?
What are Trace's positions?
These are centrally processed thoughts.
Most advertisements for products want you to think peripherally,
and nothing else.
It's an emotional or gut reaction.
They're designed this way-- people go to school
to make these things.
I had whole classes in grad school
about how to craft a message to avoid central processing.
If you want to win an argument, you
can use peripheral processing.
You can appeal to someone's emotions,
to someone's gut reaction--
and you might persuade them in that moment.
But-- and maybe you've sensed this already--
it's fleeting Peripheral persuasion doesn't last.
You need another burger hit every so often,
which is why there are so many ads for food--
and also maybe why the president does so many rallies.
They need to consistently and constantly hit you
with these emotional arguments to keep
you primed to agree with them.
Fear.
You're still afraid.
You're afraid of whatever I tell you to be afraid of this week.
And then, next week, it'll be somebody else.
By saying it over and over again,
I can continue to argue that you should feel fear constantly.
Even if you've never had a crime committed against you,
and you've never seen a crime in your real life,
you're going to feel afraid.
And that's going to mean that my argument has won.
Again, those handsome men-- good arguments
if they're going peripheral processing.
Central processing requires effort, and it sticks with you.
And I don't mean effort on their part, though that's true,
I mean effort on your part.
You have to think about the argument.
You keep going to the gym after you eat that whole pizza
last night with your friends.
And you keep thinking positively,
even though you cried watching the video about how
over 500 children may never see their parents again
because of the United States government.
Central processing is more thought-intensive.
So it's tougher to trigger, but it has longer-lasting results,
which is why it's worth it for anti-smoking campaigns,
or pro-environment groups, to use central processing.
You rarely see them give you just emotional reactions.
Right?
It's usually something like, we need
to protect the environment-- here's the value,
here's the value proposition.
And maybe there's an emotional hook to it,
but it's central processing all the way.
I'm going to outline one more really quick here at the end.
The FBI uses a system called a behavioral change stairway
model for hostage and other negotiations,
and it's all about persuasion.
It's an argument that you should let
your hostages go because I am going to try and influence you
to do so.
And it involves listening, empathy, building a rapport,
influencing, and then behavioral change.
Notice it aligns really well with the Six Principles
of Influence.
You can't win an argument with a complete stranger,
you're not their peer, you have an authority over them,
and you've never done them a favor so why would they listen.
And you as a stranger are not scarce, right?
And you'll have to go look it up if you want more information.
The point is, if you want to win an argument,
the best way to do it--
ask questions, listen, empathize.
If I say a hot dog is a sandwich,
ask me a question about it.
Don't just say, it's not.
If I say we should move in this political direction
or that political direction, say, how?
Why?
If I say we should buy a blue car, ask me a question.
Right now, a lot of people have stopped listening.
They've stopped asking questions.
They just disagree and move on.
Mostly the leaders are shouting, the pundits are shouting,
the internet is shouting-- everybody is shouting.
No one's listening, dancing, persuading.
And it doesn't help that politics
has become a team sport.
Even if a member of the team lies, betrays a country
or calls prisoners of war losers,
many people will continue to support them because they're
part of the team.
Not because it makes logical sense,
but they've been persuaded it's very difficult to get out of.
Ask questions, empathize and listen.
Because of the peripherally-processed,
non-empathetic social support, some
of these really intense emotional arguments
are actually fleeting.
And before you blame the other side,
it's important to know that the ones at fault are actually us--
you, me, we are at fault. Because we'd rather see
a win than see good policy.
We let money corrupt our systems.
We let sensationalists corrupt our messaging.
And we can fix that, but we have to centrally process
what's being said, ask each other questions
and really listen.
This might seem like, no duh!
But human psych is complicated-- so complicated,
again, that the FBI had to literally train special agents
on how to do this.
Do you want to win an argument?
The first step is to listen, then empathize and ask
questions.
There's nothing wrong with holding a position,
but in this dance, you're both going
to have to learn if you want to get anywhere.
If you listen to someone and ask them a question,
you're building that rapport.
You're also challenging their argument.
You're saying, how is this going to make our country better?
Why should we get that kind of pizza?
How do you think we're going to get there?
Maybe you should stop for directions.
You're using empathy.
And it might take a little while,
but eventually, you're going to get somewhere.
Thanks for popping by, everyone.
Normally, I do deepy-divey series
on topics like where humans come from,
or what will happen when we leave Earth,
or the biggest atom smasher in the world-- what's
happening there?
Maybe even fake news.
But sometimes there's just not enough to do one video,
or I just don't have time, which is like now.
So I thought I'd try just doing this one-off.
Tell me what you thought so I can decide
if it's worth it to do more one-offs--
let me know in the comments.
Also, I might try and persuade you
that this mustache is actually a good thing
and not just cool for my Ted Lasso costume.
Tell me what you think in the comments--
I want you to use your best argument against and/or
for mustache.
Tell me, comments.
Thanks for learning with me.
I'm Trace, and I'll see you in the future.