I'm gonna give you all the secrets in this video,
so you do not want to miss this one.
Hey there, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I am an attorney, also a narcissist negotiation expert and
I have also dealt with narcissists myself,
I have been under attack by them,
in the courtroom, in negotiations, in mediations,
by opposing counsel, by clients, by opposing clients,
by judges, all kinds of people.
I know how to deal with them,
I have a deep understanding of the psyche of them and
I have spent my entire career basically dealing with them,
studying them, figuring out this whole thing and
I'm sharing all my secrets with you,
right here, on this channel.
If you want to know exactly how to deal with them,
I invite you to subscribe to this channel and
hit that notification bell.
Okay, so things have turned red hot,
you are under massive attack,
they're triggering you because that's what they want to do,
they want to make sure that you're triggered,
they want to just destabilize you,
they want you to feel paralyzed,
they want you to feel powerless,
that's their goal.
By the way, it's not just because they want to win,
Yes, they want to win,
but there's kind of like this other piece of it
because if they win, then it's over and
they don't necessarily want it to be over,
because then, the fun is over for them,
because part of the fun is the intimidation factor,
part of the fun is watching you squirm,
part of the fun it's kind of like that nasty kid
who just like takes the earthworm and
like wants to pick at it and watch it kind of squirm,
put pins in it and see what happens to it,
that's kind of the fun of it for them,
it's almost like an experiment, they enjoy it.
So, how do you look fearless when they're like, enjoying that?
So, I've come up with this acronym,
it's called “Cool words” and it's to help you remember
what to do when they are trying to stick it to you,
because a lot of times, by the way, they know you,
especially if it's in a divorce situation
or a business partner dissolution
or something where they've really gotten to know you well
over the course of many years,
they know what your Achilles heels are,
they know how to get to you,
they know exactly what is going to needle you,
so, cool words,
I need to walk outside, I need to take a breath,
go throw some cold water on your face,
go to the restroom, take some fresh air and
just get away from the intensity of the room.
Just just doing that for a few minutes,
will make a huge difference,
you have the right to just walk away for a second,
to change it up a little bit, especially if there's a mediator
if you happen to be in mediation setting,
maybe even say, I want to talk to just the mediator for a second
or maybe have just the lawyers talk
or maybe ask to have a different dynamic,
as far as who's talking to whom, even just that,
can kind of cool the temperatures down in the room for a second.
Okay, so that's C. That's the first C.
The next letter is O, for cool words, alright?
Without emotion and without judgement.
So, you say to them something like this
“I can see that you're upset” “I can see that you're angry”,
you might even ask them what's making you angry right now,
get them to verbalize it, so you're just observing,
you're observing their behavior to them.
you're just kind of taking yourself out of it by doing that and
you're asking them to explain their behavior to you
without emotion, without defensiveness, without judgment,
you're not getting down into it with them by doing that.
So, that's the first O.
The second O, we're working through the word “Cool” here,
So, the first do is you're observing their behavior to them,
the second O,
is you're observing the situation as if you're a bystander,
so, this is where you're actually
taking yourself out of the entire situation
as if you're not even part of it,
it's like watching a two-year-old having a tantrum on the floor,
they're screaming, they're yelling,
you don't feel like you need to get down on the floor and
scream and yell, right?
You usually just watch them,
this is almost helpful, as if you're like watching a football game
or you're watching a wrestling match
or a hockey game, and
you're seeing like those guys, they start fighting, right?
Because it helps you to start to not take things as personally,
because remember, the way people treat other people
is always a direct reflection of the way they feel about themselves.
I highly recommend the book, “The Four Agreements”,
one of the four agreements that you make with yourself
is you never take anything personally,
because the way people treat other people is always
a reflection of the way they feel about themselves.
Observing the situation as if you're a bystander,
is something actually the Judge Lynn Toler
also recommended when I interviewed her and
you can definitely check out my interview with her
on this channel as well and
we'll make sure we have a link to that here as well,
so, definitely check that out.
The next letter is L, working through the word “Cool”,
so we've done C, O, O, now we're doing L.
I just think of it as like when I was a kid and
I used to play dodgeball, like they would make us,
not not willingly by the way, hated that game,
but, they would make us play that game in P.E, and
they forced us to line up against the wall,
Do they still make kids play that game?
Horrible game.
They force you to line up against the wall and
the boys would fling the ball at you as hard as possible,
it's like try to dodge the ball,
anyway, so you just kind of like watch the words go by you,
just like that, like, you just go past them,
the words go by you and there it goes, there they go, and
you're just observing them go by you and
they don't touch you and that's what you're going to have them do,
you just letting them go by you.
That's L.
So, what you do is you actually have
power words in front of you, so they could be words like
power, strength, leverage, resilience, confidence, or control,
whatever it is and you just have one or two of them,
right in front of you,
just to remind you of who you are, what you're doing there and
you don't even have to have the whole word written out,
you can just write P for power,
something that's going to keep you grounded,
keep you feeling strong.
It could be just a symbol, something that when you look at it,
is going to remind you of that word.
In the book, “Think and Grow Rich”, which I also recommend
Napoleon Hill talks about that power of autosuggestion,
which is a way for you to reprogram your brain and
your neuronal patterns and
so by having these words there,
something that is in the room with you
when you're in that situation, that high emotion,
that tense and intensive situation
it's a way for you to remind yourself who you are and
you're going to be less likely to be triggered that way.
It's reminding you that you're badass and
that badass self of yours is going to stay in that room and
it ain't going to go anywhere when you're under attack
so that you can remain looking fearless.
I want to see the power words
right there in the comments,
What’s your power word?
Write it down for me in the comments below.
All right, so remember, “Cool words”,
when the emotion heats up during the negotiations and
if you like this video, give it a like, give it a share,
put your power word below and
make sure you subscribe to this channel,
hit that notification bell.
Grab your free “Crush my negotiation” prep worksheet.
Make sure you get that at winmynegotiation.com,
by the way, and also join my free private Facebook group
“Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung”
I'd love to see you in there, come join me in there,
join my membership, my brand new Narcslayer membership,
you can join me there at Slayernegotiation/Jointheclub,
would love to have you in there as well.
Remember, today is always a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I'm so happy to have you as part of our community,
we are here to support you.
I'm Rebecca Zung.
I will definitely see you in the next video.