- There you are.
- I brought everything you asked for.
Your make up kit, all your wigs,
my weirdest coats.
FYI, they're covered in cat hair.
- Perfect.
- Alright.
(upbeat music)
(funky music)
♪ The cats had more babies ♪
♪ And these are their babies ♪
- Scoot. Scoot over.
I'll show you who belongs up on that stage.
- Is all of this just to impress a 12 year old?
(scoffs) - Only 60%.
The rest is about achieving my dream.
(funky music)
♪ I am a kitty cat ♪
♪ My name is Turblebrop ♪
(funky music)
♪ Frumbumbly is a silly cat ♪
♪ He frumbumbles all the day ♪
♪ Frumbumbly is so silly ♪
♪ In fact, he dies if he doesn't get applause ♪
♪ And he always proves his point to Olivers ♪
(cheers and applause)
- [Rumbleshanks] Frumbumbly.
- Me? No. I'm Tony Ravioli,
I'm supposed to fix the electrical pipes.
Forget about it.
(hisses)
(intense music)
- So you thought that you would go up on that stage
in your homemade costume, sing a bunch of nonsense
in the middle of a Broadway show.
Well, good for you, 'cause you just discovered
the secret of Cats!
(laughter)
My kittens, the great mother cat
has eaten another placenta.
A kitty is born, his name is Frumbumbly!
- [Cast] Frumbumbly! Meow, Meow, Meow.
- Um.
- I know this is a shock, but do you really think
that you're the first actor desperate, delusional
or narcissistic enough to think
that should me up there.
- Are you saying Cats--
- doesn't exist! It all started in 1980,
when a New Haven production of Hello, Dolly!
got Legionnaire's disease and didn't show up.
A disgruntled actor in the audience saw his opportunity,
and shall we say, pounced.
Inspired by his day job as a Times Square Garfield,
he delivered an impromptu 2-hour monologue about cats.
He called himself Mr. Mizzlemitts.
- [Cast] All hail Mizzlemitts!
- So the whole show is made up?
- We just do some poppers and say whatever comes to mind.
Jellicle, Griddlebone, Mungojerrie, Jimmy McCracklins.
- But I thought the show was based
on some poems by T.S. Eliot.
- And what is Eliot an anagram of?
To lie.
- What about Andrew Lloyd Webber?
He wrote the show.
- Did he? Look carefully.
- [Titus] Andrew Lollo Baloney.
- The mind sees what it wants to see.
Also, a lot of people can't read cursive.
- So am I like, in Cats now?
- To the extent that anyone is in Cats, yes!
Welcome, Frumbumbly!
- [Cast] Frumbumbly! (hisses)
- I regret the name.
- We all regret our names.
But we don't regret the Broadway credit,
the applause, or the pile.
- [Cast] Pile, pile, pile, pile! Jellicle pile!
- The overhead on this place is insane.
That's why we go into the audience.
It's all kids and old people,
the two demographics that drop the most stuff.
Ooh, a phone.
Nice! Rumbleshanks dines first.
And now, my kitties may feast.
(claps)
(clamors)
(light-hearted horn music)
Cats only has one rule. Tell no one.
No one.
- Ooh, a Life Alert! I can finally shower with confidence.
(jazzy music)