Hey Psych2Go family! If we may ask a personal question...
How's your love life?
Are you currently single or perhaps you're looking for a long-term relationship?
Although we hope you found that special someone,
we understand that generally, dating isn't easy.
Do you think you might be hurting your chances at true love?
Have you had a long list of failed relationships, but can't seem to figure out where it all went wrong?
Well, here are 10 things that might be keeping you from finding relationships that work.
One: you have cynical views about love.
What's that saying again? "Once bitten, twice shy?,"
It's common for people who have been stung by love before to stop believing in the magic of romance.
You have every right to grieve, feel hurt, and learn from the experience,
but being stuck in your negative ways and dwelling on your pain, resentment, and regret
is only going close you off from new opportunities to find the one who truly loves you for who you are.
Two: you set unrealistic standards.
Nowadays, we see so many pictures and posts online about couples who are #relationshipgoals, that it may start to cloud your judgment and
give you unrealistically high standards.
You might turn down great dating prospects or throw away a special connection you have with someone just because it wasn't
everything you hoped it would be. But the truth is, sometimes relationships are more about being the right person than finding the right person.
Three: you've set too many dealbreakers.
You know what you want, and that's a good thing!
But expecting too much of your potential partners too fast sets the scene for failure and disappointment.
Are you so quick to call it quits and run away at the first sign of imperfection?
Just as you deserve a fair chance,
so do they. In the end, relationships take time and effort, and sometimes those flaws make this person uniquely tailored for your relationship.
It's in the complete acceptance of an imperfect person that we find the kind of love that's meant to last.
Four: you have unresolved past trauma.
Whether it's a messy breakup,
a toxic relationship, or an unhappy childhood,
your past can leave you with loads of painful memories and emotional scars that you often never really get over.
You end up carrying that trauma with you throughout your life
unknowingly allowing it to ruin your relationships.
Resolution, acceptance, and being at peace with your past will not only negate most of the detrimental effects,
but also help you be a better partner, giving the relationship its best chance to stand the test of time.
Five: you have low self-esteem.
I know you've heard the quote... "You can't love someone else until you learn to love yourself first."
When you suffer from low self esteem, you tend to lose yourself in your partner.
Instead of developing your own sense of self, your partner is used as a substitute.
Since you feel like you're unworthy of their love, you constantly worry that they'll eventually realize that and leave.
The insecurity makes this a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There are things like misinterpreting small actions,
catastrophizing, and constantly suspecting your partner of things. This can be exhausting for the other person and for you.
Six: you have a fear of happiness.
Hey, don't laugh. You know how it sounds, why would anyone fear being happy?
We humans are strange creatures and this indeed is something that happens, even though most of us aren't aware of it.
Are you afraid of what would happen if you ever did find the one? So afraid that it leads you to sabotaging your own relationships?
Do you push people away before they can get too close to you because having an honest emotional connection with someone scares you?
You try not to get too attached and suppress your desire for connection so much so that others may misunderstand and think you're inconsiderate,
inconsistent, and not at all interested.
Seven: you have trust issues.
Do you feel jealous about your partner being close with other people?
Does it make you uncomfortable to think of them going out without you?
Do you need to read their messages and know where they are all the time just to feel secure?
Sad to say,
nothing dooms a relationship faster than a lack of mutual trust.
Behaving like you don't trust them will cause your partner to grow resentful of you over time.
No one likes being constantly controlled and under suspicion
Eight: you think you will lose your independence by being in a relationship
The rom-com movies always say, "You complete me," which isn't the healthiest of messages.
Perhaps, you subconsciously fear commitment because you think you'll lose your independence or freedom when you do find a relationship.
The truth is the opposite. Remember this... In a healthy relationship,
you should never have to sacrifice your personality, your independence, or who you are for a romantic partner. The hallmark of every strong,
enduring relationship is learning to maintain your independence, while still being happily committed to someone.
Nine: you want someone you can't or shouldn't
Most of us are guilty of liking somebody against our better judgments. Probably even more than once.
Whether it's because they're already taken or emotionally unavailable,
it's easy to fall in love with the wrong people.
Obsessing over the forbidden fruit closes off your ability to consider the more compatible and better-suited people for you. And...
Ten: you don't learn from your mistakes
We all make mistakes. We're only human, but what mistakes have you made in your past relationships? And what have you learned from them?
What's changed about you and how you look at things because of your mistakes?
If you don't know, or believe you've never done anything wrong, this may be the most detrimental factor to your ability to find a lasting relationship.
Mistakes allow us to learn, grow, and be better the next time around. If there's no learning, the same mistakes occur,
and the cycle is endless.
A relationship takes more than one person.
Luckily enough, one of those people is you! How do you think you're doing? What went sideways in previous relationships?
Do you relate to any of these signs in this video or perhaps you see a friend who has these signs?
Knowing the answers to these goes a long way to helping you on your quest for love. We hope you enjoyed this video!
What do you want to watch from us next?
Let us know in the comments below.
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We'll catch you in the next one. Thanks for watching!