Hey, everyone this weeks video. I hope is very helpful
I'm going to talk to you about different communication techniques, how to use them and when to use them so stay tuned
So like I said this week's video topic is communication techniques and a lot of therapists would probably argue with me
But I don't like [to] tell my clients you have to do one and then you do number two, and then you do number
Nobody thinks like that, right so the techniques
I'm going to give you are things that you can use across all different types of communication Struggles and
The first thing that I want you [to] do is
To assess who you're talking to, is it people at work is it family are they your friends?
Is it your spouse is it your boyfriend or girlfriend?
Who is it and
How do they normally communicate with you? to that end I mean do they
Always talk over you are you like
hey Mom I'd really like to...
and they get louder and louder until you are quiet because you're never going to get your point across
Do they pretend nothing's wrong are they like oh, no? That's not really a problem
[I] don't [know] what you're talking about and they pretend that nothing's happened
Do they are they, are they really quiet, and they won't even respond are they like passive like yeah, okay?
Whatever you say, uh-huh, okay?
and they want you know want to do something else change the subject. What kind of a communicator are they?
And based on that information, we can use a couple different techniques
now the two instances that I want to talk about today are communicating in a crisis and
communicating
Difficult or bad information like I hear from many of you. I want to tell my friend
I want to tell [my] family about my eating disorder and my self-harm. How do I do it? What do I do okay?
so those are the two scenarios the first when we're in a crisis and
The hardest thing [to] do in a crisis is what I'm going to ask you to do and that is [to] simplify it
Tell them only the facts, tell them what you need from them and tell them why?
That's it
Now I know
You're like that's never going to happen
But what do we have to do we have to prepare for our crises
Because we all know that every once in while we'll have a crisis and we need to be prepared for that
So what I would challenge you to do right now is to write down on a piece [of] paper
If I had a crisis, let's say, I had to go to inpatient well would I want to tell them
what [do] I need from them right make your bullet points and fill it out and start thinking about it because
the thing that's really tricky in a crisis is people get all caught up in the details, [but]
really what they really need to know is what's going on with us, so
Let's say it's me, and I have to tell Sean
That I'm going to inpatient
So I need to tell Sean, Sean I have binge eating disorder and I have to go to treatment
I'm going to be there for a couple of months, and I need you to make sure that our bills are paid and that
that you can come for the family weekend, right and
All I ask of you is just to listen and be supportive as much as you can
Now I know I'm making it sound really simple, and you're like Kati
That's the hardest thing that I could ever do but if we've prepared and we kind of know
We can even read off of our notes
What we need from them what's happening stuff like that because a lot of times if we talk more we lose
We lose them right?
And they'll get caught up in something else and all more questions and before we know it we've talked for hours
We never got our point across, right?
So that's number one the crisis
number two is
what to do when we [have] to explain something that's really difficult or bad, right like I
Self-harm I have an eating disorder. [I] have attempted suicide. I need your help. I have really intense anxiety and I can't sleep
It's affecting my work or whatever
How do we express that?
the first thing we have to do again is we have to prepare and I know it's annoying to know it seems like it's
It's not worth it
But trust me if you are going to express yourself to someone the fact that you prepared before even if it's just bullet
points will mean that you communicate so much more clearly and you actually get to say what you meant and
That can feel so much better than we actually feel like we've done what we wanted to do
Versus have I'm sure many of you
I've done this all the time you go into a situation
And then I come out being like I didn't say anything
I wanted to say
They don't even know how I feel that was the whole point of us came together not to try to plan again and get anxious
All again just to meet up with them to try to do it again, right?
So if we prepare then we can stop that from happening
So please prepare
again if we're going to tell someone about our struggles we need to be as
The least amount of details as possible. What are we struggling with how long have they been struggling?
What are we doing about it? And what do we need from them four things and
The reason that I talk about those four is because that tends to be when parents come into my office
that's what they want to know
What is it how long?
What are we going to do about [it]? And what do they need from me, okay?
So start thinking along those lines
and
I can give you some ideas [of] how to open the conversation
because that's usually the hardest and that's what my clients struggle with the most and
the first thing that I always tell them to do is just to make sure it's not a stressful time [if] you if you have
Any control over that make sure that it's not stressful for you like it's not over dinner
If you have an eating disorder, and that's already stressful make sure it's not when all of your family's around
And it doesn't [really] happen like Christmas time or something that's really stressful
try to make it as
Regular of a night as possible like you and your mom [and] your [dad] and your sister [sitting] down to watch your favorite reality
TV show or whatever and then you open up with saying
Hey guys, I [just] I have something really quick. [I] want to talk to you about if that's okay can I turn off the TV?
That's a good open or if you have a parent that you're closer with hey mom
[do] you think tomorrow we could grab coffee together?
I want to talk to you about nothing to worry about but I just have something I want to talk to you about okay
We're kind of setting things up, and I always do that nothing you have to worry about because we're not in a crisis, right?
We're just trying to express what's going on. How long it's been going on what our plans are and what we need from them
Okay, and once we know those things we can really communicate them okay, so take some time this week
maybe on Wednesday
Give yourself 30 minutes and work on one or two of those points right whether you're in a crisis
We might not have as much time but we're gonna prepare ahead, right
So take a time prepare and share what's helped you if you've expressed if you've talked to your friends and family
Let me know how it went. How you did it. What was best. Maybe if you had a bad experience, what didn't work?
What did you try and it was really you know?
Tricky and it ended up
[not] going well let us [know] so [we] can help one another right because we're working together towards a healthy [mind] and a healthy body
So before I forget I've been trying to get in contact with other people and do more collaborations
so if there's someone [that] you would really like me to collaborate with
Shoot them a message
And shoot me a message and so I can start that conversation and hopefully we can make it [happen], right?
Our YouTube community is still pretty small and don't forget to check out my website
I have a free workbook
And I will have more coming out and you don't want to miss it and there's also forums and things like that
[I'm] on Twitter @KatiMorton. I'm on Instagram @Katimorton1. I am on tumblr. I am on Facebook
I'm all over so don't don't forget to find me and follow and let me know and ask your question
So I do Q&A five days a week and under forums on my website
There's a Q&A, katiq&a so make [sure] to ask your questions there, and I'll get them answered
Is that good?
Okay
For some reason I feel like I'm are we conducting planes
it's like the people when the lights are broken no like
like
Stop who you stop as if you're gonna run into the man with the white gloves it's gotta be. He's like in trouble
And [that's] [his] paybacks to direct traffic
All right
Hey, everyone this week's video
I hope is very helpful and that is communicat how to love another Little [Louisville] start over. How's bad
You know you really come with looks like well. I was just chewing on the words as bad