• From a spider attack that’s been immortalised in amber to ¬¬¬¬¬¬prehistoric porn,
we count eight of the weirdest fossils ever discovered!
8 – Fossilised Rhino Skull, • It’s not a good idea to hang out near
volcanoes.
That’s what this prehistoric rhino realised right before he died a sudden violent death
9.2 million years ago.
• The fossil of this unlucky ungulate was only recently uncovered in Turkey.
What’s interesting is that, statistically, only two percent of all fossils are found
in volcanic rock.
This is because heat normally incinerates organic matter.
• Experts believe the horny mammal was most likely dismembered by the speeding river of
ash and volcanic rock.
He also would’ve had his skull baked at temperatures around 450°C. Not a nice way
to go… 7 – Sabre-Toothed Squirrel,
• While most squirrels like collecting nuts, these prehistoric sabre-toothed versions would
more likely tear your nuts off if given the chance.
They certainly aren’t the adorable little critters from Disney movies and Hallmark cards.
• According to scientists, this mammal walked the earth 100 million years ago during the
Cretaceous period.
It had a long snout and huge canine fangs that would’ve made short work of insects.
• Fossils of sabre-toothed squirrels have been unearthed in Argentina and other South
American regions, and experts have learnt a lot about their biology by studying recovered
skulls.
• Now we just need to find out what happened to them…
6 – Preserved Spider Attack, • If you’re afraid of spiders you might
not see the appeal in this one-of-a-kind fossil that shows a prehistoric spider about to tear
into its prey.
For everyone else, though, this is pretty damn cool.
• This ancient piece of amber is like a centuries-old
snapshot.
It was discovered in Burma’s Hukawng Valley and dates back over a hundred million years
to the Early Cretaceous period.
• The level of detail is amazing.
You can almost hear the dinosaurs roaring in the background…
Wait, that’s just my stomach.
5 – Megalodon Shark Jaw, • The Megalodon shark was the largest predator
on Earth, so it’s no surprise its jaw can comfortably fit a family of four.
I mean, this thing is so big it makes Great White sharks look like goldfish.
• This impressive fossilised jaw set is made up of 182 teeth, some of which are over
seven inches long.
If he had to it would take this guy like an hour to clean his teeth.
• The whole set was reconstructed by renowned fossil hunter Vito Bertucci.
Vito spent nearly two decades obsessively collected fragments of teeth from rivers in
South Carolina.
What can you say?
Dude really loved dinosaurs. 4 – Giant Ant Fossil,
• If there’s one thing worse than regular ants it’s giant fucking flying ants.
These guys will seriously ruin your picnic.
• Thanks to a recent fossil discovery we’ve been able to uncover more about this ancient
species, which is known as Titanomyrma Lubei.
• This winged monstrosity existed more than fifty million years ago in the Eocene Epoch.
It could grow as large as an adult hummingbird – and no insect has any business being that
big.
3 – Prehistoric Porn, • Dinosaur porn won’t be a new concept
to you if you’ve fallen down any internet porn rabbit holes, but the fact that two dino-pals
died while porking each other – and then had the compromising moment immortalised as
a fossil! – is still pretty crazy.
They’re probably really embarrassed if they’re watching this from the afterlife.
• Archaeologists have discovered various fossils of Jurassic flies and beetles locked
at the groin.
They’ve also found snapshots of shell-less Trilobites having big slithery orgies.
• But the best example of prehistoric porn can only be seen at a microscopic level.
It involves Aglaophyton – an early plant species – and, by chance, captures the exact
moment where its sperm cells were set to explode.
That’s right, this ancient money shot is older than the human race itself.
Ew. 2 – Dinosaur Poo,
• The study of dried up dinosaur poo may sound like shitty work, but it’s actually
a very important component in learning about a dinosaur’s diet and lifestyle.
• In palaeontologic circles, pieces of petrified poo are called coprolites.
Coprolites, and their stinkier counterparts bromalites, have been found all over the world
and have led to some major breakthroughs.
• For example, in Australia, a study of dino faeces revealed that Cretaceous plesiosaurs
were bottom feeders.
Meanwhile in Poland ancient fish poo helped scientists work out how life recovered after
the largest mass extinction in our history.
1 – Phallic-Shaped Worm Fossil, • Worms have a tough enough time already
being taken seriously.
But this poor guy would’ve had it way worse because of his unfortunate resemblance to
a dick.
That’s right: in 2012, a fossil of a strange phallic-shaped worm was unearthed in Canada’s
Yoho National Park.
• Scientists have dubbed the mysterious creature ‘Spartobranchus tenuis’ – probably
because ‘Dickingus Wangitus’ didn’t sound all that scientific.
They claim the strange invertebrate provides a ‘crucial missing link’ to understanding
the evolution of certain marine creatures and claim it may be the ancestor of the rare
acorn worm.
The discovery is important because, unlike animals with hard teeth, scales or bones,
worms are soft-bodied and don’t usually leave a fossil record.
Plus it’s a freaking
dick worm.