Alright
What do we got here?
*music*
What kind of shit
does Corrine listen to in here?
*Man vs Instagram Intro*
What's up everybody Rob here
and you're watching another
FANTASTICAL
episode of Man vs. f*ckn' something or the other
I'm just gonna put it out there
I think Pintrest is getting a little too f*ckn' played out
I'm gonna expand my range over here
and for this episode I'm changing it all up it's gonna be
Man vs. Instagram
'cause that is where this week's project hails from
You know me, just f*ckin' making up shows
whenever the f*ck I feel like it
All of your social platforms
are up for grabs.
Alright so, this week's project
Mermaid Toast!
That's right! Mermaid Toast.
Have you heard about it? Have you seen it?
It apparently is the "most instagrammable thing on the internet."
Mermaid Toast, this is a thing.
The part that troubles me about it
is just yesterday everything was f*ckin' unicorn this and that.
we've already now moved on to the next
mythical f*ckin' creature
and that's, A God Damn Mermaid!
now the original picture gets credited back to Instagram user vibrantandpure
which happens to be a food artist
Which is why she has such amazing pictures of all these crazy toasts on her account!
so I'm in the car
I'm on my way to a super SHISHI FROU-FROU f*ckin store to pickup all of these ingredients to make this shit
Get ready! We're making mermaid toast!
alright, here we are, The Most Expensive Grocery Store on the planet!
Ha Ha Ha!
here's a question does your grocery store have some f*ckin' guy that shreds out in front of it?
♬♬♬
pftttt, probably not
♬♬♬
alright, time to pay like 80 dollars for like 3 f*ckin' things
unfortunately, this is the only place where you can buy all this weird sh*t you need like almond cream cheese
so f*ckin' catch 22! whatever the f*ck that means!
one day we're gonna all be asking ourselves, what was this world like before mermaid toast!
I can't even imagine!
ha ha ha ha, Oh sh*t mermaid f*ckin toast
alright, we got our supplies here
you got your selves a real nice loaf of fresh french bread
Fancy!
You got this almond cream cheese
huh
and then all the superfood green powders and acai powders and things to kinda give it all that color
and of course, the most f*ckin' ridiculous thing of all, the 24K edible gold leaf
this is just gold you can eat you can just eat it
edible f*ckin' gold leaf get the f*ck outa here
and I think that's it!
Alright step one cut yourself a nice little f*ckin piece of bread over here
BOOM
You got the toast
now that you got this fine looking piece of toast over here
You put that sh*t in the oven
and now we wait
*DING*
Alright toast is ready
fantastic looking toast
I might add
well browned
brounded?
On to the cream cheese
whwhwh WELL
It's actually not cream cheese
this is almond milk cream cheese
I don't even think it can
are they allowed to even call it cream cheese?
It's a little
gelatinous ?
uh but
*SNIFF*
smells edible
I'm just gonna take a little bit here and
oop
J e s u s C h r i s t
and once in there I'm gonna kinda just
sprinkle in this uh
uh like
all these little green food algae things
alright they're all the same color green I guess
huh
I got some of this acai powder also
sprinkle *messes up*
Once that's kind of all mixed in there
um you're gonna wanna just slap that right on your toast
add a lil' bit of color here
like... YEAH!!!
Somethin' like that
Yeah, make a little like wave up here
Well I can't help but think that this looks f*ckin terrible
This looks f*ckin terrible
With a little sprinkly doo dah action
BOOM f*ckin Spirilina bae over here
AHH here we go the most expensive part of it all
The 24K edible gold leaf
Shit, look at THIS!
Alright, what do you do
you just-
mmm
oh jesus CHRIST
what's happening???
AAAAA
AAAA
AAAh it's blowin away
the g o l d
and then you just kinda like
spread it o-
I don't know
I don't know what the fuck I'm doin
I'm just kinda like
ssspreading it on
on all these little areas
IT'S VERY FRAGILE
mMM THERE IT IS
not like the picture
but
not that bad!
huh
mermaid toast!
alright well it's
T A S T E T E S T T I M E
I guess
oh!
aaaaAAA
Oh, the aftertaste is even worse!
bleh
no no no no no
NO
like tastes like paste! like a
like I'm eating something
out of a fucking construction site!
I can't taste the gold
uhhh, but I can taste everything else
and it tastes like
SSSSHIT
agh!
second bite of this
is not any better
eugh hoohah
ookay
this looked good on the internet
but
god DAMNIT
that tasted like shit
I gotta make this fuckin thing aGAIN
one more time
this time we're using
real cream cheese
instead of this fuckin almond butter bullshit
and some food dye
cause you know what?
it doesn't taste like
SHIT
like these fuckin things
ohh yeah
that's what I'm talkin about
right THERE!
that's it!
THAT'S it!
now we get our bread
ohhhh Y E A H
that's the fuckin shit
fuck yeah
I'm gonna sprinkle a little bit
of this weird shit
on there
get the fuck
oUTTA TOWN!
-with this
I missed my fuckin calling as a
FOOD ARTIST
here comes the gold leaf
dAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMNNNN
Rob vs. Instagram is off to an
AMAZING fuckin start!
sssssssshit yeah!
boom
mermaid toast!
oh, you can't FUCK with THAT!
goddamn mermaid toast
MASTER
over here!
it's like a
ocean of goodness!
we did it!
look at that little
wave over there
that gold just shimmerin!
damn!
we're makin another one over here
this time addin a little bit of purple?
to the mix?
and look at that!
I mean that's a little bit more
on the galaxy
unicorn-ey
kinda side
but... fuck it
I like it!
sprinkle some of that onnn
unicorn fuckin mermaid toast!
fuckin EXPERT
right here!
that is a thing of beauty
alright, we're gonna try this one out now
mmm
MMM
mMm
so much better
SO much better!
got some
gold
stuck in my teeth
THAT
is delicious!
waaaay better than that fuckin
almond paste bullshit!
you know what's gonna take this
to the next level, though?
adding some
fuckin
mermaid meat on that shit
right? little cream cheese,
little mermaid!
fUCK!
I don't know why that isn't part of the original recipe
I'm goin back to the store!
alright, what do we got here
oh yeah!
this is the stuff right here!
teal tail mermaid meat
this is the best stuff you can buy
100% free-range
seaweed-fed
uh
the finest bottom-half you can buy!
pop this open
oh yeah
that's what it needs
right there
mmm!
that smells delicious!
that's a nice color
oh yeah
get a little bit of that on there
mmm
next we're gonna cut up and add some red onion
a little salt
some pepper
throw on some more gold flakes
if you got any of those layin' around
gold flake it up!
add some more
spirilina
on there
a little bit of acai
UNDAH THE SEA
DAHLING ITS BETTAH
DOWN WHERE ITS WETTA
TAKE IT FROM MEEEEEEEE
damn!
that is some mermaid toast!
right there!
holy shit
I'm about to put
this
into my mouth!
mmm
oh my god!
mmm!
that is delicious!
what!
that mermaid on there?
you wouldn't even know it was canned
you need to taste some of this
here
grab a little bite for yourself
huh?
oh, whwhwh-
not TOO much!
jeeeesus christ!
we did it!
we fuckin won mermaid toast
well that was all the show that we got for ya
this week
be sure that you leave ALL of your suggestions down below
I don't give a shit WHAT they're for
pinstagram
instagram
pinterest
thirsty
tasty
nasty
whatever the fuck they are
leave em down below
OH and HUGE
HUGE NEWS!!!
ThreadBanger
is up for a Webby!
we've been nominated!
if you don't know what the Webby's are
they are like the Oscars of the internet
but not at all like the Oscars
this is the fourth time that we have been nominated for one
we have never won one
for the love of fuck
but this year
this is the year
to win
we are nominated for best web personality
no idea
how the fuck that happened
the link is down in the description below
all you gotta do
is vote once
uh
that's all I ask
uh, if you wanna subscribe
you wanna like this video
do that
as well and
I will see you 'round here
next time
snip snip snip
oh oh oh
hold on, hold on
can't forget the toast
GO VOTE
don't FUCK this up for us