The following trailer is rated H for "Honest"
From the genre that destroyed the meaning of the term "early access",
comes yet another online open-world survival game, just like all the others
except in this one
you can eat
your own
POOP!
Oh, and dinossaurs too!
That's pretty cool I guess...
ARK: SURVIVAL EVOLVED
Discover the primeval world of Ark,
a giant unspoiled wilderness park stuck in the Jurassic
where you'll scrape together any resources you can
until you master the skills to fight, build, and train dinosaurs
and team up with a tribe of fellow players to dominate the island
or just knock them out and tie them up in your house
then force-feed them, harvest their blood and feces (WTF?) for your garden projects!
Wait, what did I just say?
WHAT IS THIS PSYCHO NIGHTMARE GAME?
Mash together a horrifying monster-man in Ark's character creator
then emerge into the harsh sunlight of the game world
where you'll fight against the survival game clock
furiously punching trees with your bare fists
scraping together any resources you can to refill those draining meters
and desperately trying to build some shelter
until a big dinossaur comes along and mauls you to death, sending you right back to square one!
(DAMMIT)
(Sobbing) I just wanted to be friends!
Experience the real draw of Ark: the late game content
where you'll tame and ride massive dinos,
build palatial estates and moving dino houses,
sport the hottest in dino fashion,
uncover futuristic technology,
explore the depths of caves and even the sea
and summon bosses to fight Terreria style
then sight wistfully, close your browser
and go back to your actual character (ha ha)
who's crouched naked in the woods somewhere
constantly dying and sh*ting himself!
(SUCH COMPELLING GAMEPLAY!)
Realize your true masochism and join a PvP server
where you'll not only have to content with survival, brutal dinos, and a harsh environment
but Internet a**holes as well
who will raid your bases, steal your stuff,
murder your pets, then kill you and take all of your gear
forcing you to start over at the beginning, puching trees ALL OVER AGAIN
as they literally steal hours of your life away for their own amusement
in the most nightmarish new player experience since Ultima Online!
I mean, seriously? There's no bigger middle finger to a noobie than letting people build traps in the spawn points!
ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME HATE THIS GAME?
So callus up those knuckles
and get ready to fist some dinosaurs
or just wait for the VR experience
because we ALL know how much better those usually are than normal video games!
Starring:
and
Turok Online
You know, I get this game has levels and all, but it's always a real bummer to get destroyed by a level 80 fish!
(It's a lvl 55 piranha, actually)