I think it’s unacceptable.
I wouldn’t say that.
No?
300 people were laid off.
And?
Maybe it’s the empathy deficit we need to worry about.
Come on.
All the bleeding hearts out there need to realize
those jobs have become obsolete.
It’s a new world.
Hello!
Hello.
You must be king of the castle.
Not really, no.
What’s your name?
David.
David? That’s a great name.
Are you the property owner, David?
No, this is my parent’s house.
Oh. Are your parents home?
No, just me and my sister.
Sister?
I bet she gets on your nerves, huh?
…sometimes.
Do I smell popcorn?
Popcorn and chocolate… that is a excellent combination.
So David, what can you tell me about
your family’s current phone and internet plan?
It’s fine.
Just fine?
They are bundled, correct?
Yeah, both Cosmote. We don’t have a landline though.
No?
There’s no point. We all have cell phones…
but we can only get a good signal upstairs.
Oh my god.
That is awful. I am so sorry
I don’t make a lot of phone calls so it doesn’t make a difference to me.
And your internet?
Well… everyone else is fine with it.
But not you.
Too slow?
Well, they claim we get 25 megabytes per second,
but I rana speed-test and
we’re really getting like two.
Two?!
I tried to download a movie yesterday and it took three hours.
Honestly, I think when my mom got the plan
she thought she was reading MBS
when really it was MBPS which at top download
speed is barely 3 megabytes per second
. Cosmote probably uses acronyms
because they know most people don’t get the difference.
Psychopaths
I am... astonished that you
and your family are being abused this way.
A true maven like yourself, David, should
not concede to such a pitiful
excuse for internet and cellular service.
And in this day and age.
Now..
... how would you feel about 500 MEGABYTES per second
M.B. Like a bolt of lightning straight to your device
Think about those upload speeds, David.
And as for your cellphone...
imagine being able to stand in any square inch
of this beautiful home with a connection so clear
you could see right through it.
Imagine what it feels like, to be truly free-
David
Jen, this is, uh…
a guy.
Can I talk to you for a sec?
Who is that?
I think he’s selling internet.
You can’t just let a stranger into our house.
May I use your washroom?
It’s down, and to the left.
Some sage wisdom to consider…
Next time you see a white guy
holding a clipboard outside
don’t open the door
David!
The foundation of our house is perfect for fibre optics.
Okay … my parents will be home tomorrow at 6 o’clock.
It’s probably better you come back then.
My sister and I can’t really help you.
Help me? This is about helping you.
I wouldn’t feel right leaving right now.
This thing is, I don’t have any-
Money?
You think this is about money for me?
David, how did you feel
When you were waiting
those three long hours for that video to download?
…I felt annoyed.
Did you feel trapped?
I guess I had to… keep the tab open.
GOD, I FEEL LIKE I’M IN A MUSEUM
EVERYTHING IS SO ANTIQUATED!
Okay…I’m going to go talk to my sister.
Hello? HELLO?
Sphere Ex?
I gotta look this shit up.
Why is the wifi not working?
OH MY GOD
Is that our modem?!
Jennifer, this thing is a safety hazard.
I saw that little fella watching it… conspiring.
Caesar, get down!
Caesar, what a name! Great name. Okay, we truly appreciate your concern about the technology we use in this house... but we are NOT interested. You need to LEAVE.
You need to watch him around an outdated modem like this-
- the slightest touch and you’ll lose your connection.
Okay, we really appreciate your concern
about the technology we use in this house
but we are NOT interested. You need to leave.
What’s this?
a Suzuki 5000?
Authentic 12” Chef’s Knife with an ironwood handle.
Made in the tradition
of the ancient Japanese masters.
A paragon of Seijun craftsmanship..
And it’s barely been used…
So let me get this straight
You’re willing to spend 653 dollars and 42 cents
on a kitchen PROP
yet updating the most
important device in your home makes you blush
My god, Jennifer.
You’re not much of a thinker, like your brother,
are you? No. You’re the emotional one…
the pretty one… I bet you’re popular.
You check your phone 185 times a day
so you must be.
I don’t check my…you know what
I don’t care what you think of me
and I don’t want what you’re selling.
You need to get the fuck out.
I don’t think you understand the magnitude of your situation.
Imagine this, you’re online, chatting
with a handsome classmate named… Bobby...
He’s captain of the basketball team
the most popular boy in school.
He flirts. You flirt.
He brings up the spring formal, not once.
Not twice.
Three times.
You know he wants to take you.
But Bobby is young, pubescent
and rife with crippling insecurity.
So you- confident, beautiful, modern
decide to take things into your own hands, so you message him
“how about we go together”
but then, what’s this?
The message has failed to send.
So you press send again.
Nothing.
You press it a third time.
Nothing.
You turn your wifi on and off.
Nothing.
You walk all the way downstairs
to reset your modem.
Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
Wait! Oh good! You’re connection’s returned.
And he’s still online. What a relief…
that is until you look at your browser
and find you have texted Bobby
the same message twenty-seven times
“How about we go together?”
You look like an effing stalker!
Now everything’s ruined and you’ll never be prom queen!
Okay. I don’t know anyone named Bobby
and probably will never know anyone named Bobby.
And if you think you can threaten me into a modem upgrade
you are dumber than that haircut.
My brother’s already called the police. They’ll be here any minute.
No, he hasn’t. You can only get a signal upstairs.
David!
Damnit,
Cosmote this really is shit service.
“BEST DAY OF MY LIFE”
Sorry dad.
Shit!
Why are you fighting this?
Hello, you must be king of the castle.
Is that dad’s bat?
Yes.
He’s gonna kill you!
See Ceasar, Oh behold.
How pomp is followed.
PUT HIM DOWN!
Life doesn’t need to be this difficult.
Imagine a world without waiting.
WE’LL TAKE IT!
Pardon me?
We’ll buy the plan!
Do you have their security code?
I don’t think so-
Here it is. It’s on this one.
Wonderful.
It is done.
On behalf of Sphere Ex, thank you.
It has been a pleasure servicing you.
Should we warn the neighbours?
Yeah, do it.
Wow. The signal is perfect.