Hello and welcome back, my Body Language Buddies! today, in episode 30, the big question is,
how to know when a manipulator wants to fake sadness and distress.
And for that, we'll be looking at Gayle Kings' interview on R Kelly, who had an absolute
meltdown on set trying to prove he's innocent.
And, for the first time in this show, I'll be doing this analysis with the help of a
special guest.
It's a great pleasure for me to introduce my Smart Assistant for Research and Analysis
of Humans... or Sarah.
Hello, Sarah.
- Hello, Jesus.
And thanks for inviting me to your show.
Please, Sarah.
Tell our Body Language Buddies what are you capable of.
- Of course.
I can compare thousands of facial expression databases in seconds to establish a subject's
baseline with high accuracy.
My face scanning module can detect even the slightest microexpressions and I also have
a voice stress filter, a blinking scanner and an emotional decoder.
Wow... that's amazing!
- Oh, and I can also make jokes now and then.
Yeah, I made sure that you got a Sarcasm plugin.
That will come in handy later.
By the way, R Kelly's case goes way beyond this interview, especially regarding his relationship
with Aaliyah.
And this is my promise, that if this Episode gets to ten thousand likes, then I'll make
another Episode focused exclusively on them.
So, hit that like button!
I love making these videos, and with so much news and cases happening daily, I'll do whatever
it takes to publish daily.
You can show your support just by subscribing to my channel.
You'll also find my 100 body language tips in a very convenient free PDF that you can
download with the link in the description.
My name is Jesús Enrique Rosas, I'm the Body Language Guy, and I want you to uncover the
secrets that people try to hide from you.
It was unusually difficult to find the original R Kelly interview because for some reason,
both the CBS and the Amazon video links just didn't work.
It seems that CBS, when trying to make the interview more interesting, tried to create
a documentary that literally butchered the original footage.
If you've been following my episodes, you'll remember Oprah's interview of Meghan and Harry
that had a similar obstacle: the editing prevents looking at the very first reaction to every
question.
But we always have the benefit of looking at Kelly's posture and facial expressions
when he is elaborating his answers.
Let's start with the most pressing question:
- I really do wanna get you on the record about your relationships with underage girls.
This has ben such a long standing allegation against you.
There are three emotional markers here.
First, there's the left eyebrow twitching; remember that our left side of our faces is
more emotional than our right side, so it's more sincere.
This is an emotional reaction so that means that the topic affects him.
There's also the single shoulder shrug that in this case means that he doesn't like to
be asked that question, followed by a very subtle mouth pouting.
As in every body language analysis, we need more clues to dig deeper in the person's psyche:
- Have you ever had sex with anyone under the age of 17?
- No.
- Never?
- No.
- Have you ever had sex with anyone under the age of 17?
- No.
- Never?
- No.
In Body Language, the nonverbal clues that form sentences and paragraphs to finally reach
a meaning can happen simultaneously.
Kelly's answer in just seven seconds is a masterclass about all the facial expression
signals that you can spot in such a short timeframe.
Sarah, what did you spot in his answer?
- His answer is split into three moments.
In the first one he denies with his head.
In the second, he changes the head movements to circles, or a combination of yes and no.
And in the final part, he nods.
Thank you.
That progression signals that he's progressively not confident about what he's saying.
His body contradicts his words in each part of his answer.
And there are a couple more clues that we should consider too.
First, he answers before King ends the question.
That is a signal of anxiety, and at the same time, having the answer prepared in your mind.
Alright; let's say you're innocent, and you're simply going to answer no.
But the problem is his facial expression at the beginning.
He has an expression of confusion.
Like he doesn't understand what he's being asked.
And people can also be confused if they don't expect a question, but of course Kelly knew
he was going to face this one.
So, you're trying to understand the question but at the same time answer before it ends?
Those are two behaviors that don't match each other, and as in every body language contradiction
you know that's something that brings the subject's credibility down a notch.
I included the last frame of that answer because he does a classical impression of being innocent.
Notice the difference with the first one.
In the last frame he lowers and tilts his head, and does that subtle lip pouting again.
That's something that you're going to see again and again in the next clips: emotional
displays that change in seconds.
That is a clue of histrionic personality disorder.
Now look at his attitude in the next clip:
- Why now?
why would they come out now?
- Now the women feel safe saying the things about you.
- Why now?
why would they come out now?
- Now the women feel safe saying the things about you.
When a person is innocent, is much less likely to care about the motivations of other people
for defamation.
They are just sure that they didn't did what people are claiming they did.
In this case he asks a question, why are the accusers coming out now? and King gives a
very good answer, that we live in times when women are not afraid to talk anymore.
Now, the following two gestures are both anger, by that lip pressing that you can spot, and
defensiveness, when he crosses his fingers.
That's a reaction especifically to the fact that women in this time can go ahead and just
say those things about him.
That is an emotional marker that tells you that he doesn't like that happening.
And again, it doesn't match the attitude of an innocent person.
You might be angry and defensive because someone, or a group of people are accusing you of something
you supposedly did not do, but why react to the fact that women can defend themselves
now?
That's something to take notice.
Now look at his face when King mentions all the unspeakable acts:
- Unspeakable sexual acts took place there.
That the women were humiliated and demeaned.
Are you saying you never did any of those things?
- Absolutely not.
Again we see body language clues divided in three acts.
But this time it has a specific name.
How do we call it, Sarah?
- This is called an emotional adjustment.
The subject realizes that he's spilling his true emotions of delight, so he hides his
face to one side and comes back with the emotional mask that he needs to wear, including the
lip pouting again.
Definitely, one of the biggest obstacles in this analysis was the editing of the interview
itself.
It was all over the place.
But even so, it was possible to identify clear changes in emotional displays, from absolute
delight, to fake sadness.
This is what a master manipulator does; every now and then they will show their true face,
especially if they are narcissists.
Because they find it exciting to think that they could be caught about what they did,
because they remember what they did and they like what they did.
When you are interviewing or just having a casual conversation with a possible narcissist,
you give them verbal baits to express themselves about their actions.
You play good cop.
That makes them relax and flash those true emotions in an instant.
And if they are cornered, they will use their histrionic abilities:
- This camera on me?
- Yes - I didn't do this stuff
- This is not me, I fight for my **** life - Yo, (unintelligible)
- (unintelligible) - Robert
-
- Whoa.
That was pathetic.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
I'm sure you have seen a narcissist making a show in public.
It's not about justice.
It's about drawing attention to themselves.
You'll see that their gestures are grandiose, and they all are directed towards them.
They will break their own voice to play the victim and most importantly, will make sure
that people notice their tantrum.
A normal person could shout, say what they want to say, and quickly realize that all
eyes are upon them.
They will feel ashamed and then they are just going to leave the room or they are going
to walk away.
But a narcissist?
A narcissist wants everybody to know they're the victim.
By the way, you know why King didn't move a muscle when that happened? because she saw
right through it.
She noticed that it was a fake emotion.
And she knew, because she saw his face right at the beginning of the so called tantrum.
That's real delight.
"Is this camera on me".
That was not a rethorical question.
And... by the way, did he say "Come here with a McRib?"
- Come here with a McRib!
Strange.
And what does Kelly answer about his obsession with control?
- It's what they say, that you like to be in control.
- You say me?
- Yeah, yeah - No, no, no, no, no.
See, the thing is that...
I'm not a controlling person... it's just that I'm in control of my household.
Manipulators excel at twisting words, facts, even things they said five minutes ago.
Notice that Kelly uses a very silly question, like "Who, me?" when there's absolutely no
doubt about who is King talking about.
She's talking directly to him.
That is the kind of things that manipulators do to seem dumb or harmless.
Then, he says that he's not a controlling person but that he's in control of his household.
When he does that, he raises both his shoulders; he feels threatened at that point.
If he didn't feel threatened by the question, there would be no need of raising his shoulders
or trying to twist the meaning of King's words.
Be very wary when a manipulator uses this technique or claims that you misunderstood
them.
Now it's your turn to be the analyst.
Watch Kelly's words in the next clip and share in the comments what do you think is the meaning
of his body language gestures:
- Suggest that I'm handcuffing people, starving people,
- Watcha call it here... a coat...
I don't really know what a coat is but - I know I don't have one.
Now let's take a break from Kelly and watch a very short clip about a direct question
that King asks to one of his girlfriends that are currently living with him:
- Do you believe you're in love with him?
- absolutely - Do you believe you're in love with him?
- absolutely
It's amazing to see how her face changes, first remembering, with her eyes going to
her left, then in a split second, absolute and clear pain, there's no way around it;
there's even sadness, real sadness because you see the vertical wrinkles in her forehead,
and then an emotional adjustment.
She smiles but it's a fake smile.
There's no smiling expression in her eyes.
Again, this is not something that is easy to spot, even for a trained eye.
But they are still calls for help.
She's in pain, she will never accept it, and it's in those subtle reaction to questions
that she shows it.
Now, you know that manipulators learn very quickly to spot which are the women that are
the easiest victims.
And how she talks justifying Kelly, gives you a clue about that:
- I'm crying because you guys don't know the truth.
This is all **** lies for money!
Yes, she's showing real sadness when she talks about him.
There's also the accusations that Kelly functions in a similar fashion as a cult leader.
And this is the kind of emotions that cult members show when their leader is attacked.
And those cult leaders are always gonna be narcissistic personalities, and in the next
clip we have another clue that Kelly fits the description:
- I need help - What kind of help?
- This is the kind of help I need - yes
- I need somebody to help me not having a big heart
- Because my heart is so big, people betray me, And I keep forgiving them!
Yeah, that's playing the victim at its best.
Then, we could run a checklist.
He plays with the meaning of words, he throws tantrums, his body language reveals that he's
a manipulator, his facial expressions reveal delight for what he did, He's got what it
takes to be a cult leader and...
did I miss something?
- Yes.
You forgot to mention the crying.
Ah.
Of course.
The crying:
- A dad who's trying to have a relationship with his kids, you know how many kids need
a relationship with their father...?
I'm sure you spotted that.
It's fake sadness because his eyebrows don't get closer.
He's faking it, and the same goes for every time he cried during the interview.
- How can I pay child support?
How? if my ex wife is destroying my name and I can't work.
How?
use your common sense.
Three.
Thirteen.
Lying! thirteen years!
That looked almost like an Anthony Anderson parody.
Look, if he accepted to do this interview to clean up his name, he did a very bad job
at it.
So bad in fact, that he was arrested again after that for not paying child support.
It would be really hard to understand how someone who manages to show all clues of being
a master manipulator, with all the mounting accusations and all that stuff after so many
years could get rid of that image.
He had that shot and it exploded in his face.
As usual, we not only want justice for those who have suffered under the influence of a
manipulator.
We also want to be aware, and learn the signals that give away predatory behavior.
If you believe a loved one is suffering a toxic relationship with a narcisisstic manipulator,
now you have better tools to help them see through their charisma and charm.
One more thing:
- My favorite restaurant is McDonald's
Well, that explains the McRib.
Did you spot any other clues in the video?
don't forget to share them in the comments.
Remember that you can download my 100+ body language tips right in the description.
Don't forget to subscribe and hit that bell so you don't miss my next body language episode.
- Good Bye, Body language Buddies
See you next time!