Thank you.
I am Dax Shepard, and I'm taking over for Ellen today.
But don't worry.
She's totally fine.
She called in rich today.
Apparently the person who carries her
from her bed to the breakfast nook was a no-show.
So she'll probably remain in bed until he returns.
But don't worry.
I aim to be a very gracious host.
We're going to watch videos.
We're going to play games.
We're going to win some money.
[CHEERS]
And then I'm going to tuck you all in
and fool around with my wife in that chair until Ellen returns.
[CHEERS]
Speaking of her, I'm sure a lot of you
know me as Kristen Bell's boy toy.
But I'm also from the sitcom Bless This Mess.
And our second season premiers this Tuesday at 8:30 on N--
--ABC.
And that's basically all I came here to say.
So, peace.
[CHEERS]
Be kind.
No, I'm kidding.
I love this show so much.
I've been on here many, many times as a guest.
And one of my favorite things to do
is a segment where I give advice to audience
members on relationships and other issues that may arise.
So I thought we'd do that right now.
It's time for ask Dr. Dax.
[CHEERS]
I am not a licensed doctor.
I simply play one on TV.
But I am legally required to tell everyone that my advice is
100% sound and accurate.
Let's see who has a question for Dr. Dax.
Is there a Megan Bean in the audience?
[CHEERS]
It's hard to tell because I'm so excited right now,
but I actually got dumped yesterday.
Oh, no.
I'm on Ellen.
It's fine.
But I just wanted to know if you had any advice for getting
over a breakup.
OK, well, obviously step one is bang all of his or her friends.
But I assume you've already done that or you wouldn't be here.
I would say, secondly, as a little personal mantra I have
is that I just say over and over again-- this is temporary,
this is temporary, this is temporary,
this is temporary, because you know,
you've never been on a roller coaster and thought,
oh my god, this is so fun.
I hope this doesn't last the rest of my life.
But when you're sad, you think, oh my god, this
is going to last the rest of my life.
And I just want to say it's temporary.
You're going to feel completely different.
You just got to be patient and feel the feelings.
They're a gift.
So I wish you well.
You're a babe.
Things are going to be great.
You're on Ellen.
Thank you.
Is there a Mayen in the audience?
Hey, Dax.
Hi, May.
So I've been in a relationship with this guy for about
six years, a little bit over.
And when it comes to going down there,
I usually give in the hopes to receive too.
But I've only been on the receiving end
a handful of times in the entire six years we've been together.
Oh, boy.
Help me.
I want you to say his name, but I
don't want you to say his name.
I want a public shaming, but we're not going to do it.
I would just say, hey, when you're in a relationship,
the hardest thing maybe is just stating your needs.
You've got to state your needs.
I don't know if he knows.
Clearly he's not getting the signal
from all of your generosity and benevolence.
So you just got to say, hey, things are bored down there
and your face is the solution.
So--
Thank you.
Lisa, Lisa Hayes, do you have a question?
Hi, so recently my fiancé and I discovered that our kids can
hear us having sex.
So we just-- you know, we don't want to traumatize them.
Do you have any advice for how to not traumatize our children?
So interestingly, us humans, Homo sapiens
have been on planet Earth for like 140,000 years.
For 130,000 of those years, we all lived in a one room hut.
We heard mom and dad have sex hopefully often.
We heard aunt and uncle have sex.
We heard Bob and Jim and Gail and Sarah have sex.
We're supposed to hear people have sex.
That's how we learn about it.
That's how we get comfortable with it.
When they're completely denied of any knowledge of it is when
they start asking their six-year-old friend--
I doubt they're well informed.
So I'd say, worry not.
Enjoy.
They're going to feel weird about it
and tough They'll at least have some relationship with it
where it's not completely foreign.
So I wouldn't worry about it.
Thank you.
Also I'd love to spend the night at your house.
Is there a Taylor in the house?
Oh, there's Taylor.
So I was just wondering, do men prefer
when their partner is on top or do they
prefer when they're on top.
Because, personally, I like to be on top
but I don't know what the guy's perspective is.
Great, great question.
I think every one of us is a unicorn in our proclivities.
I know I am.
We incorporate a lot of foods into the bedroom.
That's not true.
I would ask.
Again, communication-- I'm sure I don't want either
as my solo option.
I love macaroni and cheese.
I don't want to eat it for the rest of my life.
So let's switch it up.
There shouldn't even be two options on the table.
Let's get eight, nine options on the table.
Back bends?
Say who?
Back bends.
Back bends, yes!
Do you think some gymnastics in the bedroom may be fun?
If you can do it, no one's going to complain about that.
I'm married.
OK.
Well, I hope all that was helpful.