My 20s were a life-changing decade.
I was lost, then found, then lost again.
Many times, I had to have the courage to start over,
try something new, and rebuild myself again.
In my 20s, my mind opened to new ideas and perspectives
in how I saw the world, and how I saw life.
I felt like I woke from an autopilot that I had been in my whole life,
and started truly living my life.
For the first time, I began to follow my heart,
and stopped listening to the voices outside of me.
I took a chance and dared to dream.
I struggled a lot along the way, with my family and judgment from others,
but mostly with myself, and my own self belief and confidence.
Taking the chance to explore and carve my own path,
I experienced a life I never could have imagined for myself.
Through knowing and embracing fear and uncertainty, I found freedom.
And with that, I came alive.
My 20s were a decade where I saw my dreams come true,
where I witnessed firsthand, me becoming the person I’ve always wanted to be,
stepping into my power and light, becoming a brighter version of myself,
experiencing the transformation that happens when you learn to trust
and fully align yourself with your soul’s purpose.
As I turn 30, I want to look back
and share the journey over the decade that led me here.
On my 20th birthday, my roommate and I threw our first college birthday party,
packing all of our friends into our tiny apartment.
Our birthdays are a week apart, and I still celebrate my birthday with her to this day.
20 was the age I started asking the big existential questions.
What is the meaning of life? Why am I here? What’s the point of all this?
I took a lot of personality tests, trying to figure out who I am,
and would have long talks about life with friends in boba cafes.
My summer internship at a large advertising agency cemented my conclusion
that office life was not for me.
And that would be the last time I’d ever have a 9-5 type job.
In the fall, I said “Peace out!” to LA and flew to Milan, Italy to study abroad.
I was still posting singing videos on YouTube,
which I had started doing in high school,
and decided that I’d vlog my time abroad.
- We are going to sing the Happy Birthday song, but in Spanish, to your girlfriend ---
- Yeah, sing it!
[Singing Happy Birthday in Spanish]
I spent my 21st birthday in two countries: Italy and Greece.
Wilson came to visit and we happened to be traveling that day.
This was an extraordinary time in my life where I began diving into self reflection,
reading and searching for a deeper meaning to life.
Living in another country, I was able to get out of the “bubble” that I grew up in,
and all the pressure and expectations of academic life at USC.
While I was in Milan, I didn’t go to class.
Instead, I journaled, traveled, ate a lot of pasta, spent a lot of time alone and rediscovered myself.
When I came back to LA for my final semester of college,
I was hit with the harsh reality of life and its pressures:
struggling to finish school and graduate, rushing to interview for jobs,
trying to figure out the next step in my career.
2012 was a struggle and one of the hardest years of my life.
I became depressed. I couldn’t wake up for anything.
I was missing class, missing group projects and presentations,
missing job interviews, flaking on friends, just being really irresponsible.
I felt like I was failing in life and everyone was judging me.
I remember calling my school’s crisis hotline just so I could talk to someone.
And the hardest part was fighting with my family,
mostly my dad, about my career path.
If you didn’t know, my dad lives in China and I don’t see him often.
In 2012, he came to visit and it was the worst timing he could have chose,
because I was so lost, emotional, and I had terrible mental health at the time.
He didn’t understand, he was frustrated, and tensions were high between us.
I told him that I wanted to be an artist, and he told me that I’m crazy.
He didn’t understand why I couldn’t just get a job, any job to start with.
I wanted to explore creativity but I had no plans, no idea how to get there.
Still, I decided to follow my heart
despite all the judgment and pushback I was getting from others.
So, I pursued music, acting, hosting, marketing —
anything I was interested in, really —
and began the journey of finding my way.
At 22, I had found an opportunity to help out
a local startup food festival called the 626 Night Market,
doing marketing, PR, and hosting live events.
I actually spent my 22nd birthday performing at one of the events.
This was the era where I went all in on music.
I performed every month in 2013 at local venues
and met a lot of musicians and creative friends during this time.
Thinking back, these were such fun years,
but at the same time, I’m not sure I could fully enjoy it
because I was so concerned about how to “make it” as an artist.
I spent a lot of time reading books, studying the pros, honing in on the craft,
taking songwriting and music production courses.
I also auditioned for acting/hosting roles and I had many random one-off gigs.
- It's 11:57 PM and I'm very, very, super duper duper excited
to release my birthday mixtape -- 11:58.
And it's my first album and I wrote five songs
and I'm really proud of myself for doing this.
I haven't been able to sleep these past few weeks
because I'll be thinking about it and my heart will be beating really fast.
But it's really exciting so I want to share this moment
with myself or wherever I post this in the future.
I'm really happy and I'm really grateful.
I'm really cheesy and I'm going to cry, so bye bye.
On my 23rd birthday, I released the “Honestly birthday mixtape”,
a collection of my first original songs and some covers.
I had worked really hard, isolating myself for two months,
just writing and producing music for this album that I would gift to everyone for my birthday.
I took it very seriously and I was really nervous about it.
A month later, I ended up releasing my first album, Honestly,
and soon after planned an album release party!
This is one of the proudest creative accomplishments of my life.
I even got to play at the House of Blues in LA, and a couple venues in New York.
A few months after (and music wasn’t going as well as I had hoped),
I had another mental breakdown, questioning myself and my path.
In this state of confusion, I toyed with the idea of building an app and learning about tech startups.
Later on, after binging YouTube, I asked myself:
“Why do I envy these YouTubers so much?
I thought this was a dream I gave up, since my music channel didn’t get anywhere.”
I felt too old to start another YouTube channel,
but something inside me still wanted to dream that dream.
Finally, I decided to just go for it, and started Lavendaire in April 2014.
This was my channel where I could share my life lessons
and document my journey, figuring out how to create my dream life as an “artist of life”.
At 24, I decided to quit my job at the food festival and pursue YouTube full time.
I was still making zero income, but my new channel felt so aligned with what I wanted,
and I could really feel the positive impact I was making even with a tiny audience.
2015 was the year I read The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up.
I embraced minimalism and decluttered all my things,
which truly gave me the refresh I needed.
As I documented my journey, those KonMari videos gave my channel its first boost in views,
and I finally felt my channel start to grow a little faster.
One of the coolest things I’ve ever done was going to Taipei for a month
to shoot a short film with my film friends.
We shot Picture Taipei in March 2015, and not only was it an amazing experience,
I’m proud that we got together with an idea,
put together resources and fundraising, and actually made it happen.
The actual film was terrible – I can say that now –
but the experience making it and the lessons I learned were priceless.
I spent my 25th birthday in Kyoto, traveling with my family in Japan.
At 25, I actually got to give a TED talk, TEDx Youth to be exact.
This was for a local high school but I felt so amazed that I was asked to speak,
especially since I didn’t expect that it would happen this early.
I started The Lavendaire Lifestyle Podcast in May 2016,
and later that year I landed my first brand deal.
2016 was the year YouTube money started trickling in
and I became more confident in my path.
Towards the end of year, I was selected as a winner in YouTube’s NextUp competition,
and soon after I hit my first 100K subscribers.
At 26, I had the idea to create the first Artist of Life Workbook.
It would be a digital PDF workbook with questions and exercises
that I had used to help me find myself and create my own path.
I was so excited to launch my first digital product,
and upon launching, a lot of people said they were interested in a physical version of the workbook.
Because my boyfriend Wilson works in sourcing and manufacturing,
he encouraged me to make it physical,
and he helped me a lot in making that happen.
I rushed the first batch of 100 workbooks
and personally signed and packed all of the workbooks that year.
I would call 2017 my “going pro” year.
I registered Lavendaire as a business, feeling very official.
And I hired my first freelancers: a podcast editor and an intern/assistant –
Alice, whom I love and is my right hand woman today.
At 27, the 2018 Artist of Life Workbook was our first main workbook launch.
We went from selling 100 physical copies in 2017 to almost 2000 in 2018.
That was a launch with a lot of delays and issues.
It was tough, but we got through it and I learned so much from it.
In 2018, I moved in with Wilson to our first apartment together.
We had so much fun at this apartment,
having friends over often and living in a lively neighborhood.
I started meeting more YouTubers and feeling seen by people I had admired for years,
like Jenn Im, Michelle Phan, and Marie Forleo.
I got invited to my first brand trip to Hawaii,
and I also bought my dream car, a Tesla. I also became a plant mom, and started learning astrology.
I visited my dad in Shanghai after not seeing him for 3 years,
and brought him one of my workbooks.
It was a symbol of the success I’ve been having in my career.
I showed him my website and videos for the first time,
as well as the comments I got from people
(specifically Chinese comments, so he could understand).
This finally felt like a time where he started to accept my creative career
and it was a turning point and relief for me,
although things still weren’t perfect.
At 28, we hosted our first Lavendaire Launch Event
where we launched the 2019 Artist of Life Workbook and the new Daily Planner.
I also launched the Create Your Dream Life Course this year.
I started feeling burnt out and disconnected from my work,
so in September, I took a solo trip to Bali for 3 weeks,
where I spent a lot of alone time, exploring, journaling,
doing yoga and breathwork, being in nature, and just giving back to myself.
That was a life-changing, mind-opening, soul nourishing experience,
and I felt like I released a lot of baggage during my time there.
It helped me look at my own notions of self worth,
why I had been trying so hard to succeed,
why I felt like I had to prove myself to others.
After Bali, I went to China with my best friend for the first time,
to attend her family’s lavish wedding in Beijing.
I spent my 29th birthday in Chengdu,
a really hip city and home of really spicy food.
There, I reunited with a college friend who was so sweet to surprise me with a cake for my birthday.
We ended our trip in Shanghai, where I got to see my dad for a couple days.
To sum it up, it was a time of reconciliation and healing.
I felt the shift in energy between us,
like I had grown out of feeling under his control or caring about what he thinks.
I realized how confident and strong I’ve become.
And underneath all of our differences was just love.
It was a beautiful, emotional experience and in the end, I’m grateful for it all.
With 2020 came the pandemic, cancelled plans, and the work-from-home life,
slowing down and doing less, feeling lonely,
and learning how to connect with people in this new world.
One of the blessings that came out of this year was getting my puppy Togi.
My 20s were about finding myself and creating myself.
I learned to believe in myself.
I learned to love myself, truly and fully.
Looking back, I feel like life was more interesting when I didn’t have things figured out,
because that openness led to new opportunities
that I couldn’t have planned or imagined for myself.
I had so many rich experiences in those early years when I wasn’t making any money.
Once I found a clear path and success,
life became a little more routine and predictable, because I had a direction now.
That's not to say that one is better than the other.
But I just want to show that it’s okay to be lost,
it’s okay to not have everything figured out.
That space is where magic can enter and create a more interesting life story.
Looking back, it was all beautiful.
And I’m so proud of the life I lived.
Now, I am 30, flirty, and thriving.
Going into this new decade, my 30s will be about being my most authentic self,
the fullest expression of myself,
building a brand and community that I am proud of –
with all of you here.
If 20 year old Aileen could see where 30 year old Aileen is in life,
she’d be crying of astonishment and happiness.
She’d feel validated, that her dreams were not as wild and crazy
as others led her to believe,
that she truly has a light that she is meant to share.
That it’s possible.
It’s possible to do what you love, live an abundant life, and do good in the world.
It’s possible to create the life that you’ve dreamed of.
So my wish in creating this video is to share my journey of the past decade,
how so much has changed in my mindset and life,
and how my dreams have actually come true.
Seeing is believing, and the more you see stories of success that you can relate to,
the more you will believe it’s possible and real.
Through all this, I’ve come to believe that we all have the power to create our dream life.
It begins with deciding what you want, and then going for it,
despite your doubts or what anyone else says.
The journey might feel long and difficult while you’re in it,
but just keep pushing.
It will get better.
Don’t rush it.
Be patient, and most importantly, believe.
Believe in yourself.
And of course, find joy in every step of the journey.
It’s not about the end goal, it’s about the experience you have getting there.
I hope you enjoyed this look at my 20s and where these years have led me.
Just for fun, comment your age down below
and let me know what point you are in your journey.
Do you feel like you’re just beginning?
Are you in the trenches of creating a life you love?
What part of your story are you living right now?
I’d love to know.
Sending you all so much love.
Bye!