- A lot of people want to know how to have
the body language for confidence,
and actually, in our modern world,
where we spend all our time on the computer and slump,
we've kind of forgotten how to hold ourselves.
So I'm gonna show you how to have the body language
of someone who appears to be incredibly confident.
(uplifting music)
First thing is, they speak slowly,
and they don't wave their hands around.
I saw myself on television many years ago
and I noticed I was doing this
throughout the whole interview,
and I thought, hmm, that's not a good look.
And I learned when I was on TV to sit on my hands
and to speak quite slowly and look at the camera.
And you know, I wasn't confident.
People would say, oh my god, you're so confident.
And I really wasn't.
But I looked at people who were, and I thought,
oh, they speak slowly.
They don't flap around.
They may do that, or that, but they're very composed.
They keep their shoulders up.
They keep their stomach in.
They don't sit like that.
So, you can do that.
Whenever you're talking to someone,
try to keep your chin up.
Keep your shoulders down and back.
Speak slowly.
Don't speak fast and loud.
If you've ever seen those movies like mafia movies,
you notice the head guy, they almost whisper,
and everyone has to kind of listen to them.
They don't shout, they don't get all excited,
because powerful people speak slowly.
They are very commanding.
They command the stage.
They have presence,
and you can have it too by speaking slowly,
taking on the posture, shoulders up and back.
Chin just so.
Make eye contact.
When you speak, we wanna look at them.
You have two ears and one mouth for a reason.
Speak, and then listen.
Listen to other people.
Make them feel interesting.
Imagine if everyone you met
had a little sentence tattooed on their forehead that said,
please make me feel important.
So when you meet people it isn't about you saying,
yeah, here I am, and this is what I do,
and I'm this, and. (speaks gibberish)
What do you do?
Tell me about you.
Act as if you're interested.
You know, that's what the Royal Family do.
They smile, they listen.
They do it hundreds of times.
They're probably not interested in you
and the tomatoes you grow,
but they make a point of acting like they are.
And that's a great gift.
And you know, I do book signings, people say,
oh my god, you're so nice,
you're so available.
I make a point of making everyone feel interesting,
smiling at everyone,
signing their name, saying, who are you, tell me.
They're buying my book.
I owe them that at least.
I don't go, oh, another one, scribble scribble scribble,
there you are.
I engage with people.
I make them feel important.
I don't ask them to make me feel important.
So body language, posture.
Don't do all this wringing your hands,
fiddling with a little hang nail,
playing with your jewellery, fluffing your hair,
doing that,
because you're saying, I'm nervous.
Strength is shown in stillness.
The more still you are, the more strong and powerful
you appear.
Speak slowly.
Try to be still in your movements.
Try not to wave around.
And help yourself by believing in yourself.
There are so many things you can do
that give you the posture
of someone who believes in themselves.
Walk with confidence.
Talk with with confidence.
Meet people's eye level.
People make this classic mistake.
Someone says, tell me about you,
and they go, well, what I do is, and (speaks gibberish)
and they try to race through in case that person is bored.
Don't do that.
Say, what I do is, and the reason I do it,
and why I love it so much.
And take your time.
Don't go into a whole story, but don't rush who you are
and what makes your heart sing.
If people are bored, you'll find out
and them you can just say, anyway, enough about me,
what about you?
But don't gabble through it.
When you're speaking to someone
you'll know if they're bored 'cause their shoulders
will start to turn towards their door,
their shoulders, their knees, their hips.
And when you're bored, you'll notice that you do that.
You really want to do that.
If you're speaking to someone
who might be going to employ you,
no matter how bored you are,
keep your shoulders, your knees and your hips
faced towards them.
Keep that towards them, and then it says,
I'm interested in you.
I find you interesting.
If you want to flirt, do the same thing.
Keep focus on someone.
Take some measure of fluff off their shirt.
Touch them.
And even if it's not a romantic thing,
studies shows that waitresses who touch their customers
on the arm, or waiters, and go, thank you so much,
get bigger tips.
There was a test where people had to stop in the street
and say to someone,
hey, I'm lost, could you tell me where to go?
And as the person did, they touched them and went,
gee, thank you.
And then interviewers went up,
and then interviewers went up to them
and you know the ones who got touched
remembered everything about that person who touched them.
They weren't attracted to them,
but the person that touched them on the arm,
they could remember what they looked like
and what they said.
So touch is very important.
It's okay to touch someone.
Not consistently and obviously respect their boundaries.
You touch their shoulder or their arm,
and if you think they won't like it, you don't do it.
Here's one final thing.
When we're nervous our mouth gets dry.
And we've all seen people licking their lips
because they are nervous.
You may notice that court lawyers drink water all the time
and people giving evidence drink water.
When you are nervous, your mouth gets dry
and you lick your lips.
And when you're nervous, you tend to have your shoulders
up around your ears.
If you're nervous, push your shoulders down
all the way down,
and then fill up your mouth with saliva,
pump it 'round your mouth.
I know it sounds disgusting, but who knows you're doing it.
You didn't know I just did that.
If you can make your mouth wet,
you send a message to your mind that says
I'm really relaxed.
Guess what?
You do that every time you kiss.
When you kiss, your mouth gets wet
and your brain goes, wet mouth equals being relaxed.
Doesn't matter which way it comes.
So fill up your mouth with saliva, swirl it around
and your brain will think, wet mouth means you're relaxed.
If you're nervous, do that.
Drink water.
Swirl it around.
I promise you it sends a message to your mind
that says you are relaxed.
Keep your shoulders down.
It says you are relaxed.
Keep your chin up, shoulders back, posture good,
and it says you are confident.
So you can trick your mind into believing
you're confident and you're relaxed
by the way you hold yourself, but the way you walk,
by the way you talk, by the volume of your voice,
by the speed of your voice, by your hand movements,
by eye contact.
And people who are successful do this naturally,
and you may have to do it unnaturally.
Who cares if you do?
You know what happens?
It starts being who you are and what you do.
And then it is who you are,
so it starts by being what you do,
and then it becomes who you are.
You'll find that if you keep pushing your shoulders down,
filling up your mouth with saliva,
holding yourself straight, making eye contact,
that eventually, you do it on autopilot.
That's a wonderful thing.
It's a great thing.
It's yours for the taking.
Go to marisapeer.com
and found out more about how to do this.
And it stops being what you do
and becomes who you are.
Thanks for tuning in.
Grow in confidence.
Grow in self-esteem.
Do it today and soon you'll find you do it everyday.
Thanks, see you soon.
(heartfelt music)