In this video, we're going to be talking about how to talk to your ex after a breakup for
the best possible connection and interaction that you might be able to have with one another.
But first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life, where we help you get the great loving relationship
that you're looking for without having to play mind games, without having to play hard
to get, and without having to pretend to be someone or something that you are not because
you deserve to be loved for the unique, amazing, and wonderful person that you are. And if
you agree with me, do me a favor by giving this video a thumbs up and by subscribing
to the channel right down below. Also, I wanted to let you know, if you've
been on our email newsletter or been following me for the past, I don't know, week or two,
you may have heard me talk about putting together a free course on communication. And I want
you to know that we are moving forward with that. We're going to be doing it through a
Facebook group that I will link to in the description box below this video. What's going
to happen is I'm going to approve everyone who has requested to join the group today,
and probably over the next week or so. There's always some stragglers that come in at the
last moment. And then we'll go ahead and get started with
the group. Over the next several weeks, we'll be releasing trainings and stuff like that.
If you happen to find this video months or years from now or something, please don't
send us a message that's like, "Hey, how do I join that group?" The group has already
happened. If that is the case, the group is happening now in June 2020. Okay? So if it's
like 2025 or something, and you're watching this video somehow, you missed it. Okay? I'm
sorry to say that. And there's other things that we have for
you. You can go ahead and find those probably in the description box for this video as well
too. Sorry, I just have to put that in there because I mean, you never know when your videos
are going to really take off and get views for forever and ever, or when they're just
going to peter out after a couple of days. So I don't know. But anyway, I just want to
put that out there. Again, the link for that group is down in the description box for this
video. Anyway, what we're talking about in this video
is how to talk to your ex after a breakup. And there are a lot of things that you might
want to think about. And there are a lot of considerations when it comes to talking to
your ex. But I think the biggest thing that people overlook when it comes to communication
and when it comes to having an impact or an effect on someone else is really the quality
of their own vibe and the quality of how they are bringing themselves to that interaction.
Oftentimes people think that communication is really just about the words that you say,
and for sure that does have a certain impact and it is something worth considering. But
first and foremost, what you want to do is you want to adopt what we would call a curious
stance, a curious posture, where you're open and you're willing to explore what might be
possible between the two of you. You're willing to listen to them. You're willing to hear
them out and you're willing to just be with them no matter if they're open to you, no
matter if they are closed to you, no matter if they are maybe really upset at you, no
matter if they are... maybe they've gotten over whatever issues or drama there may have
been in the past. And you're just willing to show up without attachment to outcome and
just be willing to talk with them, just be willing to engage in a conversation with them.
And that is often really the most powerful way that you can interact with your ex and
bring yourself to the conversation so that you can have the biggest impact. Oftentimes
this will help you to have a better interaction with them and a better connection with them
rather than trying to learn some sort of reverse psychology, NLP language pattern or something
like that. Because when you are simply just showing up without an agenda, without any
sort of need for it to look or seem a certain way, with just showing up completely curious
about trying to understand their experience, their world, where they're at emotionally
and all of that stuff. And you just show up like that, they have the freedom to be however
they are, however they feel. And they know that you're going to most likely accept them
and be willing to go on that ride with them. Whereas if you show up kind of stiff and you
really want it to go a certain way and you really want to get back together and you really
want to have some sort of thing where it's like, okay, well, now we're flirting, so I
know it's going well. If you're attached to that outcome, it's going to come across as
very stiff, very inflexible. And they're going to know that if they express certain uncomfortable
things, if they say certain things that it's going to either go really well and you're
going to be elated about it, or you're going to be really devastated, hurt, or whatever
by that. And of course, based off of where they are emotionally, they might want to see
you elated. They might want to see you hurt. They might want to see you somewhere in between.
And so that's going to really frame the interaction and the conversation in a way where there's
this divide in the power, the divide in how the two of you are seeing one another, not
that there's any real legitimate power, it's all just in sort of your perception. But when
you have this sort of curious stance, when you are walking into an interaction, when
you're going in to talk to them, you're really approaching them as an equal, not as someone
who you have to prove wrong, or as someone that you have to defend against, or someone
that you have to win over, or someone that you have to seduce, or someone that you have
to do whatever, but you're just willing to show them that like, "Hey, I just want to
see where you're at. I just want to understand. Please help me understand why you're so upset.
Please explain to me what's going on with you. Please explain to me your feelings."
And when you can do that, that is going to have a much, much better impact than of course
trying to go in with some sort of rigid kind of frame.
And so that's really the key first step when it comes to interacting with your ex, when
it comes to talking with your ex after a breakup is to have that curious stance. On top of
that, obviously there are certain other more nuanced things that you can do, but that is
by far the most powerful, foundational thing that I think most people are missing. And
I say foundational, because it is at the foundation, right? You want to make sure that that is
in place first and foremost, before you start stacking on all the language patterns and
things like that. Because just like how you wouldn't build a house without a foundation
or a building without a foundation, otherwise it's going to be really rickety and shaky
and probably not stand up for very long. You want to also have the same thing when it comes
to an interpersonal dynamic, because that's going to really create a level of trust between
you and your ex. And we're going to be talking about this in the Facebook group, everything
I just talked about now, but also this thing right here.
But this kind of creates this sort of triangle of commitment, which is composed of trust,
it's composed of communication, and it's composed of being on the same team with one another.
And if you can simply just show up, trying to understand them, trying to have this curious
stance, you're really going to be demonstrating many of these elements of the triangle of
commitment. And that is what it's going to take for the two of you to actually move towards
a stronger commitment with one another if that's something that you want to do. If it's
not something you want to do, that's totally fine. That's a conversation for another time.
But a lot of people watch these videos, they want to know how to get back together with
their ex, have a good interaction with their ex and get closer with their ex, so that's
what it would take. But again, a lot of people that I talk to,
many of them are missing that curious stance and just like how you wouldn't even talk about
putting up walls or a roof or something like that on a building if there was no foundation,
if it was just built on, I don't know, the dirt or the sand or something like that, I
wouldn't really talk about hey, here's some sort of Ninja language trick or something
like that until you first have that curious stance, because it's not going to really come
across as effectively as if you do have that before you go in there.
So that is really the primary thing that I'd start working on if you're trying to figure
out how to talk to your ex after a breakup is to start by having that curious stance.
Start by having that spaciousness to your vibe where you're okay with anything, and
you're willing to listen to them and you're willing to learn, and you're willing to see
things from their perspective, because that is what is going to help set things moving
forward and help you to build on top of it so that you can have a much better dynamic
moving forward. But anyway, once again, we're going to be
talking about all of this stuff throughout the month of June, maybe kind of dipping into
July a little bit in this Facebook group. Again, you can find the link to that down
below in the description box. And again, if you're watching this video, I don't know,
months or years from now, you probably missed out.
But anyway, with that being said, thank you so much for watching this video. If you do
like what we're doing, please give this video a thumbs up and subscribe to this channel.
Also, thank you so much for watching. If you like what we're doing, you might also want
to check out this video series over here on what we call advanced relational skills. They
help you to connect better with your ex on an emotional level, or you might want to check
out this video over here. But once again, this is Clay with modernlove.life. Thank you
so much. Hope to see you in that Facebook group. And I'll talk to you next time.