Hey.
It's Clayton and Jack.
In this video, we're gonna talk about the number one thing he's dying for you to reveal.
So, what is this?
What is the number one thing that men really want to see in women that when they're able
to reveal this, when they're able to show it his heart starts to sing.
He starts to realize that he's actually with the right person.
He starts to see you as an irreplaceable priceless precious human being.
What is it?
Wow.
I think it's your essence.
What does that mean?
Yes.
It’s your essence that's worth unpacking.
But by essence we mean the real you.
We mean the uniqueness that is you, right?
Because if you strip everything back, stop playing games, stop performing, there is something
about you that is unique to you.
Your gifts.
The way you look.
The way you talk.
The way you move.
The way you think about the world.
Your unique experiences.
Your background [and] even the difficult and crappy things about your background, there
is a uniqueness to that and your journey and path.
Yes.
And I want to say too that there's a video that I created a little while back called
the Seven Roles that Women Play, and in some ways this video is the answer to that question.
So, we're talking about how we tend to slip into personas when we get scared or when we're
trying to control things.
You might slip into the persona of being the helpful one, or the persona of being the controller,
or the businesswoman making things really transactional, I'll include the link in the
description.
You can go watch that video.
And there was a number of women asking this question, “Well, who should I be then?
Who should I be?”
If I'm not this and I'm not that and I'm not this and I'm not that…
Right.
“Then, who am I?
How should I show up?”
Wouldn’t it be great if you could get curious about that?
So, it's sort of like – another way of talking about personas is masks, right?
So, if you unmask [or] you take those masks off, what actually is there you might not
have been in much contact with what is there?
It might feel scary and unknown but that's actually what we want to encourage you into
because we're here to say that there is an unknown that is the heart of you.
There is a mystery to who you are that is captivating to a man when you reveal it because
most of the time, we're just not revealing that.
We kind of chitchat up here – masks, masks, talking to each other, the performances/ roles
– and we're saying, “Wow.
If you drop that there's this precious space that can open up between you and a man where
he actually gets to experience the real unfiltered, unmediated, unmasked you, and it might feel
a bit naked.
But we're saying that that essence of you, that essence of your nakedness so to speak,
psycho emotionally is what is really the thing he's dying for you to reveal.
And I'm gonna add some dimension to that this is why he wants it so desperately.
Just think about it like this: when you go to a party or you have certain friends, isn't
it true that when you meet somebody or you have someone your life who you know fully
owns who they are and fully is showing up as themselves, doesn't that allow you to feel
more free to be yourself?
So, what would make that any different than with the guy that you're dating?
If you're able to show up as your true self and you're able to own who you are, in some
ways it gives the guy permission to feel like he can let down his guards and his persona.
Totally.
Which is what he wants to do.
He wants to relax with you.
And fully be himself with you.
And isn't it is that true to that we want to find relationships in which we can feel
like we're fully ourselves?
Rather than having the exhaust if the exhausting carrying of this weight of a persona that
just seems like we're trying to keep up appearances so like those relationships don't last because
they take too much energy putting on a pretense.
And ultimately, you kind of become disconnected from yourself.
You forget who you are.
You start going through the motions.
You’re losing yourself in relationships.
That’s kind of deadening this is the aliveness of being yourself and becoming more of yourself.
It's not sort of like one day you're like, “Oh cool.
Now I'm myself.”
This is a process of becoming.
It's a process of getting to know yourself more.
Getting quiet with yourself.
Experiencing yourself in different ways and dimensions and that's one way to talk about
a really healthy relationship right is that you get to be yourself, be loved for who you
are and be with someone in these different domains of who you are right.
You know I happen to know that Clayton's got a super playful side because you know I helped
him develop it.
[Laughter] You know actually when you hang out enough in different contexts you start
to dimensionalize who you are.
And that's a really important thing.
Yes.
And to that point with certain people [or] certain sides, if you come out so when you're
around people that all of the sides of you can come out that's real freedom.
That's experiencing real freedom in a relationship.
So, listen we are coaches and in this video what we're wanting to do here is give you
a little bit of coaching because you might be wondering, “Okay.
Hey.
This is a phenomenal concept or maybe you don't like the concept at all,” but hang
with us here because we've got some questions that we want you to maybe pause the video
and just journal on ask yourself because the key is that these questions are the path to
beginning to unlock your essential self by helping you identify perhaps where you go
unconscious and where you begin to open up and feel more like who you really are.
So, what's the first question?
Yes.
I'm gonna take the first couple actually.
Question number 1, where and when do you most feel yourself?
So just think about that for a moment, when do you most feel that you can relax into who
you are, be yourself not pretend to be someone else.
And then the second question which kind of puts this in the reverse is, when and where
do you most feel that you're not yourself?
That you're not at all yourself.
Alright.
Maybe there are specific situations, maybe there are specific types of people, but just
notice that.
Notice where you start to get far away from being yourself.
Pause this video if you need to.
Just to take a few moments and actually contemplate that.
And once you've done that come back and let's talk about the next two questions.
So, where in life and what contexts in what situations do you feel that you have the hardest
time saying no?
Where do you feel that you have the hardest time saying no?
Okay and then the opposite time is or the opposite question here is where do you have
the hardest time saying yes?
Where do you have the hardest time saying yes?
And just think about that.
Is there certain people that you have a hard time saying yes to?
Is there certain situations where you have a hard time saying yes to yourself?
Journal about this.
Write this down.
It'll help you get a more dimensionalized.
Look at the places that you're shutting down and the places that you're opening.
And then the fifth question is a little different, what would it take for you to view your failures
or challenges as opportunities to learn?
What would it take for you to view your failures and challenges as opportunities to learn?
It's part of being yourself.
You might notice is about trusting the path that you've been on up until now; even the
dead ends, the heartbreak, the loneliness, the trauma, whatever it is that you've experienced
that has been part of the formation of you.
It doesn't define you, but those things can allow you to – they've what brought you
to this moment to be the person that you are – the awarenesses, the pain.
Everything that you have.
That is part of being you, but it doesn't define you.
And so we're talking about the past there a bit, right?
Of being able to find some acceptance around the past things you've been through and put
yourself in a creator role and the role of learner rather than feeling like a victim,
and then even looking forward into the future.
where are you in what will it take for you to be able to see all the challenges that
are to come as opportunities to learn?
So that way…
Sort of not fearing the future and trusting that you can handle it.
Exactly.
Because otherwise this is what we see happen is that when we're suddenly faced with something
that we feel out of control with or we're faced with something that seems like it could
lead to failure or a mistake.
We slip and we go hide back into a role again but if we start to see these challenges and
opportunities that we're moving forward into as ways that we can grow and learn from, we
are saying yes to some of the inevitable pain that we may experience and still connect it
to ourselves; rather than divorcing and then trying to hide and avoid that from happening.
Totally.
So thanks for staying with us in this.
We hope these questions have been useful for you obviously take them forward they're not
just like one in this moment.
The questions that you can continue to general allow to kind of percolate in your life.
And if you're a woman that's wanting a relationship and that hasn't been showing up for you, we
want to encourage you to come to our webinar.
It's called the Three Keys To Attract And Keep A High Quality Man.
And in it, we cover three keys that really are designed to help you shed the layers of
inauthenticity and step more into your vulnerability more into who you really are, which is really
where you're going to find your power and your personal power in dating in relationships.
So, if you like that and you're intrigued at all, just click the link below this video.
Find a time that works for you and your time zone and we will look forward to seeing you
there.