hey guys welcome back I am so excited that you are joining me for another
video if you are new to my channel welcome my name is Stephanie I am a life
and relationship coach so this week I wanted to bring up a topic that a client
actually brought up in a call recently with me and he had asked what are the
steps that I can take when I get emotionally charged so what do I do when
someone triggers me emotionally says how do we respond to these situations like
what are the steps that I need to do in order to respond versus just reacting
emotionally when someone kind of gets me charged up I really have to start by
saying you're human you're gonna have times where you're gonna overreact
you're gonna have times where someone's gonna push a button and you're gonna get
emotionally charged and that's completely fine to say that we're gonna
live life every single time and when something happens that we're just so
mindful of it and not you know react emotionally from me I don't think that's
realistic just because we are human beings but the point of this is to learn
these tips so you can begin practicing this kind of stuff it doesn't mean in
every situation with every person you're gonna be able to do it every single time
but it does mean that the more you practice that the easier it gets and you
won't get so emotionally charged up with a specific person or regarding a
specific wound within yourself if you know these tips and practice them the
reason why this stuff is so important is it's important for yourself it's
important to create that bubble-like like I always like to say it's important
to keep your vibration high especially if you're trying to manifest something
into your life it's important to just have peace and happiness and not you
know get emotionally involved in other people's stuff so quite often what
happens is when someone does something and they're pushing our button we react
so much to them when really it's our button that's being pushed it's our
wound that's being brought to the surface and if you're not taking
responsibility for your life your happiness like I always say
then you're going to react but when you feel that button being pushed when you
feel that wound starting to come up then it's a little bit easier to say oh I
feel something coming up and I'm gonna take responsibility for that because
that's my stuff and deal with it versus you know getting negative with someone
else and projecting and blaming and making your wound their responsibility
and this type of thinking is self loving this type of thinking is self empowering
and it also causes a lot of it also diffuses a lot of arguments in
relationships so one of the first things that you have to do in order to not be
emotionally triggered by someone to not allow someone to emotionally trigger you
to get you all fired up is you have to know where your wounds are and I'm gonna
be making a lot of videos in the future about emotional wounds because I think
that this is really really important you have to know what are the things that
trigger you in life like what not necessarily what happened in your past
experience perhaps childhood or maybe even adulthood and experience that you
went through that caused this wound to actually form that's great stuff to know
as well if you won't really want to get deep into it but for the most part you
have to know what triggers you like what are the things that when someone says
something to you that you can start to feel the defensive Nisour the anger or
the frustration like what where is that wound and sometimes one person in your
life can only bring they only bring up one specific wound it's like they know
exactly what to say to hit you hard they know what triggers you and they can just
push and push and push at that button if you don't know what that button is then
you can't even begin to do this kind of work and you can't even begin to start
to practice how to take these steps to not get fired up so you have to know the
people in my life what are the things that they do or say that trigger me it
just be a little mindful of what it was this person did or said to you that made
you feel defensive that made you feel angry that brought up all of that
negative emotion for you so just be mindful of what those things are and
write them down if you need to once you know
what it is that they do what you need to say and ask yourself is when he does
this when she does this how do I feel and a story will come up to the surface
I feel abandoned I feel like they don't care about me
I feel like they're selfish and it's always about them I feel like you know
um they're always blaming me for things whatever the story is because when you
ask yourself a question a story always comes up to the surface now if I were to
ask you that question you might pause you might hesitate because you have
something that you want to say but you may not really want to acknowledge what
it is that you're really feeling and thinking and when you're doing this kind
of work when your self parenting this is what you're doing now you're having that
inner dialogue with yourself you're being inquisitive with yourself on why
you feel a certain way when you start to do this stuff for yourself you have to
be honest with yourself so whatever comes to the surface don't
try to suppress it welcome it have it sit down with you and ask it why do you
feel that way and let that story unfold so when that story first comes up of he
doesn't care she isn't care they don't love me whatever it is that the feeling
is that you're experiencing a lot of the time is I don't feel like they care I
don't feel like they love me I don't feel like they understand me or are
being understanding of my feelings which are all valid things to feel but what
you want to do is try changing the story and this is the second part of this when
you change the story that's coming up because a lot of the times the story
that's coming up as you're wound so Susie did something that really hurts
your feelings and you feel like she doesn't care so she you feel like she
doesn't care is valid it's what you're feeling but it's also that sentence that
statement is tied to a wind it's tied to either abandonment or a judgment wound
or whatever that wound is in in order to come to the table self-loving with this
person and be able to express to this person what you think how you feel and
not get emotionally charged and not come to the table with negativity
pensive nests and being passive-aggressive and all of those
things being just really vulnerable with hey this is how I feel in order to get
to that place and not be emotionally charged up you have to be able to change
the story it doesn't mean that when you change the story the story is true it
just means that by changing it it switches your perspective on what you
think is actually happening because you don't know that that's actually the case
a lot of times in relationships especially with couples when there's
disagreements they each partner automatically thinks they don't care
they don't love me they don't want to understand me so you see where a story
because you're telling yourself he doesn't love me he doesn't care she's
you know she doesn't love me she's being selfish that that doesn't that statement
you're making that statement be the whole basis of this relationship that
you have with this person when really what's happening is because of a wound
that has been triggered you feel that that statement based off this one
instance and you wouldn't believe how much that little sentence affects how
you then confront this person on how you feel
regarding this situation so when you look at the story and you say okay based
on what happened yes my feelings are hurt yes I feel like they were being
selfish or maybe they wouldn't put it they weren't putting my needs first but
I'm gonna push that aside and I'm gonna change the story
so if I feel like he doesn't care based off of what happened
what's another story I could tell myself well maybe he did what he did because he
was having a bad day maybe he did what he did because he's really stressed
maybe she did what she did because she was distracted when she went into the
store and she told me that she would be out in 15 minutes and she knew I wasn't
feeling well and I was sitting in the car maybe someone bumped into her in the
store maybe she knew that she wanted to get me something that I really really
liked and she kept looking for it and she couldn't find it and so that took up
time as well so by changing your story it doesn't justify what someone did to
cause your hurt feelings but it allows you to get
that negativity not get emotionally charged up and then speak to the person
in a common loving way when you change your story for a minute
sometimes you'll actually be surprised because the story that you've changed is
now the truth that yeah your wife was distracted in the store
and her neighbor came up to her and started talking to her and she didn't
know how to end the conversation and she kept thinking like oh my god
my husband and my boyfriends not feeling well in the car and I need to get back
to him or you know because your boyfriend did what he did you didn't
realize that he just had a disagreement with his mom or his brother and it
really got him down and then he possibly did something that hurts your feelings
so it allows you to take your own self out of the situation and realize that a
lot of times when things happen it has nothing to do with you but because we
take things so personally in relationships as a reflection of our own
self-worth and how someone you know views us or loves us that we take it so
personally that we get so charged up and when you change the story it calms
yourself down and you're then allowed or you're then able to come to your partner
with love compassion and understanding give your partner a chance to tell the
story so by doing this this allows the other person to tell their story without
you already knowing what the story is like I know what this is I know that she
doesn't care about me I know that she doesn't love me when you are able to
change the story and then you're able to allow this person to speak and to tell
their side without you getting emotionally charged up without you
already assuming that they don't love and care about you that doesn't mean
that you still don't have hurt feelings so just because you have hurt feelings
now this gives you an opportunity to express that in a calm way in a loving
way and allows you to be self loving it allows you to have that confidence in
yourself so once you have practiced this stuff then you see that this probably
had nothing to do with you and that diffuses a lot of arguments no
step number three is being able to spot a pattern with someone so if you're
starting to see a pattern with behaviors with someone then we start going into
learning how to set some boundaries and enforce them but really for this video I
just wanted to tackle this little thing that you can do when you are having
relationships with people family members friends co-workers partner doesn't
matter and you tend to get emotionally charged up by someone so I hope that
that has helped you guys understand how to come and tame the beast a little bit
inside and really start getting inquisitive on where those emotional
wounds are and like I said I'm definitely gonna be making more videos
on emotional wounds because I think it's so necessary to know what are the things
that trigger you in life but for now I hope you enjoyed this video don't forget
to hit subscribe don't forget to also click on the notification bell because
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anything and I will see you next week