YOU KNOW, I SIT AT THIS DESK EVERY NIGHT-- YOU KNOW IT, YOU
KNOW IT-- AND I MAKE A LOT OF JOKES-- HA-HA.
UT YOU'D BE AMAZED HOW MUCH IS GOING ON IN HERE.
MOSTLY, THE SONG "RASPBERRY BERET" ON REPEAT.
THAT SUCKER IS HARD TO SHAKE.
BUT I ALSO THINK BIG THOUGHTS ABOUT DEEP STUFF, LIKE THE
UNIVERSE AND MY PLACE IN IT.
SO, OCCASIONALLY, I LIKE TO TAKE SOME TIME AND CONTEMPLATE
THESE MYSTERIES OF EXISTENCE WITH MY FELLOW CELEBRITIES IN A
SEGMENT I CALL-- "RASPBERRY BERET."
NOPE!
THAT'S NOT IT.
SORRY, I TOLD YOU, IT'S A BRAIN WORM.
IT'S A SEGMENT I LIKE TO CALL "BIG QUESTIONS WITH EVEN BIGGER
STARS."
( APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
AH, WHAT A GLORIOUS NIGHT.
>> YEAH, SURE SSTEPHEN.
>> Stephen: HEL, YOU LIKE TO AM UP HERE AND THINK, TOO?
>> YUP.
YUP, I'LL LAY UP HERE FOR HOURS JUST LISTENING TO THE WIND
RUSTLING THROUGH MY BEARD.
( LAUGHTER ) HEY, STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: YEAH, MEL?
>> HOW MANY STARS ARE THERE IN THE SCHOOL.
>> Stephen: OH, GOD, LIKE, 30?
I DON'T KNOW.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: HEY, MEL?
>> YEAH?
>> Stephen: IS "MEL" SHORT FOR MELVIN?
>> NO, NO, IT'S NOT.
IT'S LONG FOR "MMMM."
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: PRET NAME.
OH, SHOOTING STAR!
LOOK AT THAT.
>> Stephen: STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: YEAH?
>> IF YOU COULD SAY ANYTHING TO YOUR GREAT-GREAT-GRANDMOTHER,
WHAT WOULD IT BE?
>> Stephen: SHOULDN'T YOU BE DEAD BY NOW?
HEY, MEL-MELS?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHEN YOU LOOK BACK ON YOUR LIFE, DO YOU THINK
YOU'LL HAVE ANY REGRETS?
>> NO.
( LAUGHTER ) NOT ONE.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
NOT ONE?
>> NO, NOT ONE...
THEY TEND TO COME IN CLUSTERS.
( LAUGHTER ) HEY, STEPHEN?
>> Stephen: YEAH, MEL?
>> WHAT'S THE SCARIEST MOVIE YOU'VE EVER SEEN?
>> Stephen: OH, THAT ONE WHERE THAT PSYCHOPATH TRAPS TWO PEOPLE
IN HIS HOUSE AND TORTURES THEM.
>> YEAH, "HOME ALONE" IS PRETTY SCARY.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: HEY, MEL, DO YOU
THINK IT'S BETTER TO LOVE OR TO BE LOVED?
>> WELL, I GUESS IT DEPENDS ON HOW TIRED YOU ARE.
( LAUGHTER ) HE WERE HE WERE
STEPHEN, IF YOU COULD ONLY BRING ONE, JUST ONE BOOK TO A DESERT
ISLAND, WHICH ONE WOULD IT BE?
>> Stephen: ONE BOOK?
>> ONE.
>> Stephen: PROBABLY "HOW TO BUILD A BOAT OUT OF SAND."
MEL, I CAN ASK YOU A PERSONAL QUESTION?
>> SURE.
>> Stephen: IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU
TELL YOUR YOUNGER SELF?
>> DON'T BE SO CAUGHT UP IN THE LITTLE THINGS.
TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ALL THE GIFTS THE WORLD HAS TO OFFER, AND LIVE
EVERY DAY TO THE FULLEST.
AND I'D ALSO TELL MYSELF, MY YOUNGER SELF, TO SHUT THE
( BLEEP ) UP.
STEPHEN.
>> Stephen: YEAH, MEL, WHAT'S UP?
>> IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME AND MEET ONE FAMOUS PERSON, WHO
WOULD IT BE?
>> Stephen: IT WOULD PROBABLY BE YOUNG MEL GIBSON.
>> YOU KNOW, 35 YEARS AGO, BEFORE I GOT THIS ROAD KILL ON
MY FACE, DID YOU KNOW I WAS THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE?
>> Stephen: YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I HEARD.
I'D WANT TO GO BACK AND SEE IF THE LEGENDS WERE TRUE, YEAH,
YEAH.
THINK McCONAUGHEY'S SEXY BY THE WAY?
>> HE'S A SEVEN OUT OF 10.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: WHO WOULD YOU GO BACK IN TIME TO MEET, MEL?
>> PROBABLY JESUS.
>> Stephen: OH, OF COURSE, YOU'D PROBABLY WANT TO KNOW IF
HE LIKED "THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST."
>> NO, I'D WANT TO KNOW WHICH "LETHAL WEAPON" MOVIE WAS HIS
FAVORITE.
>> Stephen: PROBABLY TWO, JOE PESCI.
>> I'M SAYING THREE.
>> Stephen: REALLY, NO, PESCI IS THE REALLY THE BREAKOUT STAR
OF THAT MOVIE, I THINK.
HEY, MEL, DO YOU THINK FREE WILL EXISTS?
>> YES, THAT'S WHAT IT SAYS ON THE TELEPROMPTER.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO GO TO COMMERCIAL.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MEL GIBSON AND HIS BEARD.