don't touch yourself what we can learn from the divinels in terms of masturbation recovery
i'm dr trish leigh and yes i'm talking about the divine song that i heard on my way over to my
new chic chick pad it is i touch myself i want you to touch me you know the song look it up if you're
too young and you don't know it that di vinyl song is so good but i was listening to the lyrics
with my 11 year old in the car of course and i was thinking whoa this is like way ahead of
its time in terms of sauciness because it's an old song but i was thinking that that song says
i touch myself i want you to touch me and you know it goes on and on and on about how
the they want intimacy with another person but instead they're touching themselves that made
me think of all the questions that people ask me about masturbation i get a million emails that
say okay i get you on leaving porn behind but do i really need to stop masturbating the answer is yes
it's a resounding yes if you've been consuming pornography for any amount of time it makes
you different than other people in terms of masturbation it makes it so that masturbation is
a compulsion for most people who've consumed porn and especially those who consider themselves to
have a porn consumption problem so a person who's never seen porn and really never masturbated with
any level of frequency especially coupled to porn they don't have the same deal with masturbation
so if you read all over the internet which you can that masturbation is good for you it's good for
you if you don't have a problem with it just like the reservatrol in red wine is good for you if you
don't have a problem with drinking but clearly if you have an alcohol misuse issue the reservital
in red wine say that three times reserva tall in red wine there you go the reservatol
in red wine doesn't outweigh the negativity of getting your drink on if you're an alcoholic
it's the same thing with masturbation it has to come off the table probably permanently
if you're going to recover from porn use and chronic masturbation now the reason i say probably
is because secretive nature of masturbation has to go away you can't have a secret sex life so if
you're married or if you're in a relationship and you're chronically masturbating and
your partner doesn't know that's a secret sex life that's a no-go in this situation
a healthy way to incorporate masturbation is to incorporate it into your sex life with your
partner let your partner know this is something that you enjoy and incorporate it in and likely
it will be arousing to her or him so that you can enjoy being with each other you make it relational
not secretive and an individual act and if you haven't heard me say this in a while it is
neurologically coupling yourself to your self your brain when you have sex with another person there
is an amazing neurochemical release especially if it's healthy sexuality it's a combination of
dopamine it's a combination of serotonin oxytoci oxytocin which couples you to your partner
all of those things are so important so that you literally neurologically bind to your partner
and evolutionarily that was important in terms of survival so now if you chronically masturbate you
are allowing the release of those neural chemicals coupling yourself to masturbation with yourself
so don't touch yourself get in the habit of doing something that you crave underneath it all and you
deserve that's touching somebody else and having that somebody else touch you that's relational sex
healthy sex that is the spice of life when it comes to couplehood and being with a partner
it helps you get through the crazy times in life it grounds you in the important things and it's so
enjoyable so much more enjoyable than just trying to get the highest level of dopamine that you can
okay so i'm sorry to tell you masturbation has to go and the approach to leaving masturbation
behind is the same as leaving porn behind make a plan don't go it alone commit
get the right support tools techniques strategies that you need to succeed for the long haul
and the journey ahead will allow you to be with someone else in such an amazing
way that you probably never have and you'll enjoy it more than ever all right i hope
this helps you out and until next time control your brain or it'll control you