Before I begin, let me reassure you that any concern you show will help.
Often, we're afraid to get involved afraid of messing up or doing the wrong thing.
Ignoring someone's cry for help is the only mistake.
I'm psychotherapist Mary Jo Rapini, and on today's episode of Reaction Reset
we're talking about depression and suicide. Depression can be life-threatening if
it's not treated. It can lead to food, drug, or alcohol addiction or suicide.
If you just found out your loved one has depression, you might be uncomfortable
with this knowledge or restless to try to fix the problem. You might be at a
total loss of how to comfort someone or help them. However, the first step in
helping is understanding what depression IS and what it IS NOT. If you have a
loved one who's depressed, I highly recommend educating yourself about
depression. There are many misconceptions about it, and those misconceptions can
make the depressed person feel even more depressed. Let's start by talking about
what depression is not. It's not simply sadness; you can be sad and not depressed
or even depressed and not sad. In fact, many depressed people feel numb or
apathetic or they're just empty. Depression is not a mood. You can't just snap
out of it or put on a happy face. Depression is also not the same as
grieving. Although major life changes like a divorce or a death can cause
depression, it does not guarantee depression. Grief often comes in waves,
alternating between good and bad moments. Depression is a little bit different;
it's a consistent state of mind. Now let's talk about what depression is.
Depression is a mental illness that impacts a person's ability to enjoy life
or function at work and home. Depressed people often have feelings of
self-loathing and worthlessness. Depression can be
impacted by brain chemistry, meaning a person may need medication to help
manage it. Depression IS treatable through therapy, medication. or both.
Depression is different for each person. Although there is a list of common
symptoms, not all people exhibit all symptoms. Now that you understand a bit
about depression, let's shift over to how you can help. The most instinctive
response is to try and cheer them up or make light of the situation. Don't do that.
This will make them feel worse about their depression, or guilty and
ashamed that they feel the way they do. If they tell you they're depressed,
ask them if they're planning to hurt themselves or others. This is going to
make them feel relieved and more cared for by you - that you recognize and see
their mental state. Listen without overreacting or judging. If they have
suicidal plans, it's important to contact authorities for their protection
immediately. Firmly tell them they need to see a physician; offer to make the
appointment and be willing to go with them.
Depression can be the first symptom of a major medical illness and it's extremely
important that they see a physician first. Next, encourage them to seek help
with psychiatrist or a psychologist. A psychiatrist will treat their symptoms
with medicine, a psychologist will treat them with cognitive or talk therapy.
Check on them regularly to show that you're there for them. Depression is a
lonely place to be and it's easy for them to feel like nobody cares or that
people have given up on them. You don't need magic words because there aren't
any. Be present, listen, and recognize that they are struggling with an emotional
illness. Although you may want to say, "I understand," to comfort them, realize it
may end up frustrating them. It's very difficult to understand what depression
feels like unless you've been there. Instead, ask them what
depression feels like for them. This will allow them to work through their own
feelings and help you understand better it. Encourage them to get out of the house.
Many people with depression become isolated because they lack the energy or
the motivation to get outside and be around other people. Be persistent by
showing concern but not insulting by making them feel guilty. This is one of
those situations where you're going to feel helpless, and you're also going to
be really uncomfortable. No one is born knowing what to say in these situations.
Just remember - suicide is real and the action of killing yourself begins with a
thought of depression. Changing your reaction to your loved one can make a
huge difference in their life and also leave a lasting impression on yours.
Remember, change your reaction, change your world.