SATURDAY NIGHT. SAME PLACE, SAME ME.
[APPLAUSE]
[APPLAUSE] GREG: WE ARE IN MIAMI HOME OF
SANDY BEACHES TRIPTYCH WHETHER
IN PLASTIC SURGERY.
THIS IS HOW IT LOOKED BEFORE I
GOT HERE.
GOT HERE. WHAT AN IMPROVEMENT.
THANK YOU MIAMI.
HERE WE ARE FOR THE BIG GAME.
I GUESS THAT MEANS IT’S TIME FOR
YES, SO WE HAVE GONE OVER THE
ACCOMPLISHMENT OF DONALD TRUMP
MANY TIMES ECONOMY DEAD
TERRORISTS TRADE DEAL STOCK
MARKET BUT NOW WE CAN ADD LIFE
EXPECTANCY.
EXPECTANCY. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOUR YEARS
OF AMERICANS AVERAGE LIFESPAN
INCREASED.
INCREASED. LIVE IS SO GREAT UNDER TRUMP
PEOPLE DON’T WANT TO DIE.
ANYWAY YOU PARTY HEARD THIS GOOD
IS A MILLION TIMES FOR ME AND TO
BE HONEST HE WAS RIGHT.
>> WE ARE GOING TO WIN.
WE ARE GOING TO WIN.
WE ARE GOING TO WHEN I’M TRADE.
WE ARE GOING TO WIN AT THE
BORDER.
BORDER. WE ARE GOING TO WIN SO MUCH YOU
ARE GOING TO GET SO SICK AND
TIRED OF WINNING.
>> IT’S TRUE.
I AM KIND OF TIRED OF WINNING
BUT YOU KNOW WHO WASN’T?
THE OAKLAND RAIDERS OF THE
1970s.
1970s. FEROCIOUS, BRUTAL, SCARY.
THE GREAT MONTE JOHNSON SCARY
MONSTERS AND SUPER FREAKS BUT
THEY WERE ALSO WINNERS MAINLY
BECAUSE OF THEIR BOSS AL DAVIS
CONTROVERSIAL INTIMIDATING BUDDY
LIVES BY THREE WORDS, JUST WIN
BABY AND BOY DID HE.
FROM 67 TO 85 P1 13 DIVISION
CHAMPIONSHIPS WON AFL
CHAMPIONSHIP IN THREE SUPER
BOWLS THAT PEOPLE PUT UP WITH
HIS REBELLIOUS STREAK BECAUSE
THE ONE.
THE ONE. SOUND FAMILIAR?
SOUND FAMILIAR? TRUMP’S THE AL DAVIS THE
PRESIDENT AND HIS ADMINISTRATION
ARE THE RAIDERS OF OLD AND THEIR
MANTRA JUST WIN, BABY.
LIKE THE RAIDERS TRUMP IS NOT
ONLY GUIDED BY HIS FAITH BUT THE
PEOPLE WHO HATE THEM IN THE HATE
FOR TRUMP’S STRONG ESPECIALLY IN
THE MEDIA.
THE MEDIA. >> BASICALLY AFTER THIS
BOMBSHELL FROM JOHN BOLTON, WE
DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT, WE DO
WANT TO KNOW WHAT WE DO WANT YOU
TO HEAR IT OR KNOW IT.
THAT SOUNDS LIKE THEIR PRODUCE A
PAINTING IN A COVER-UP.
>> IT’S ACTUALLY MAYBE WORSE
WHAT LAMAR ALEXANDER IS DOING
BECAUSE HE SAYING ESSENTIALLY.
>> HE BEAT HIS WIFE, SO?
PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD ARE
WATCHING US GOING THIS IS WHAT
YOU WANT FOR THE REST OF THE
WORLD?
WORLD? WHAT A SAD SAD MOMENT.
>> THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ARE GOING
TO HAVE A COMPLETE VIEW OF JUST
HOW UGLY THIS DRUG DEAL WAS BY
THE TIME NOVEMBER ROLLS AROUND
AND JUST HOW GUILTY THE
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
WAS.
WAS. BRIEN: THANKS BEVIS OR IS IT BUT
HAD?
HAD? A NEVER SURE.
THE HATE IS SO STRONG IT
INCLUDES HIS SUPPORTERS.
>> DONALD TRUMP COULDN’T FIND
UKRAINE ON A MAP IF YOU HAD THE
LETTER U IN AND PICTURE BEEN
ACTUAL PHYSICAL CRANE NEXT TO
HER.
HER. THIS IS ADMINISTRATION DEFINED
BY IGNORANCE -- IGNORANCE OF THE
WORLD.
WORLD. THAT’S PARTLY HEMP HIM PLAYING
TO THEIR BASE PLAYING TO THEIR
AUDIENCE, THE CREDULOUS BOOMER
RUBE DEMO THAT ONCE TO THANK
DONALD TRUMP’S THE SMART ONE AND
YOU ALL THE ELITISTS ARE DUMP.
GREG: AND I WAS A SLOT MACHINE
THAT WOULD COME UP THREE BAGS.
THE REASON IS IT’S NOT TRUMP.
IT’S YOU, YOU DUMP RUBE FOR
SUPPORTING HIM.
SUPPORTING HIM. YOU HAVE HOLLYWOOD.
YOU HAVE MOST ACADEMICS.
>> I HATE YOUR COUNTRY YOUR
PRESIDENT AND EVERYTHING ABOUT
YOUR CULTURE.
YOUR CULTURE. YOU ARE THE THAT COMES OUT OF
PIGS AFTER THEY EAT THEIR OWN
FILTH.
FILTH. YOU ARE THE SCABS ON THE KNEES
OF LIZARDS WHO AT THE OF OBESE
AND DISEASED RATS.
EXCEPT FOR THAT GREG GUTFELD OR
AS WE CALLED THEM IN IRAN THE
SULTAN OF LATE NIGHT.
AS MUCH FUNNIER THAN JIMMY SON
OF KIM OPENED SECOND THOUGHT
SINCE THE UNITED STATES THROWS
IN A PAIR OF TICKETS TO THROW IN
THE GREG GOT HELD SHOW MAYBE WE
HAVE A DEAL.
GREG: YES.
GREG: YES. I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT I’M
STARTING TO LIKE THAT GUY.
NOT SURE ABOUT THE TRANSLATION.
ANYHOW YOU ALWAYS KNOW SOMEONE
IS DOING A GREAT JOB BY THEIR
EVER SERIES LEVEL.
IT REFLECTS THAT FRUSTRATION.
LET’S JUST THROW THE GAME.
HERE’S MY FINAL FOOTBALL ANALOGY
OF IMPEACHMENT IS LIKE THE SUPER
BOWL FOR LOSERS.
YOU’VE GOT TWO TEAMS.
ONE WANTS TO IMPEACH HIM ONE
WANTS TO ACQUIT.
ARE THEY THE SAME?
NO.
NO. ONE TEAM STARTED TRAINING FOR
THIS GAME THE DAY TRUMP GOT
ELECTED.
ELECTED. THEY TRAINED TO IMPEACH.
THOSE ARE THE LOSERS.
THE OTHER SIDE WERE JUST TRYING
TO DO THEIR OWN JOB AND SO FAR
IT’S PRETTY GOOD WHICH MAY BE
WHY DON LEMON WAS LAUGHING SO
HARD, TO KEEP HIMSELF FROM
CRYING.