It's really common to underestimate the importance of defining your own values, and worse yet:
confusing them with principles.
And the fact is, that if you don't live by your own, personal values...
your life is gonna be just plain miserable.
Welcome back, my body language buddies!
my name is Jesús Enrique Rosas, I'm the Body Language Guy, and it would be great if you
join us by just liking this video, subscribing and hitting that bell! let's get down to it!
I have mentioned the importance of values a couple times in my lives, so I decided to
make this shorter video so it can be more convenient for you.
And the first step is understanding the difference between values and principles.
Because most of the time you're gonna find them mixed, like they were the same thing.
The easiest way to do it is looking at this chart.
There are dozens of values and principles, but it's easier if we pick just five from
each one.
In terms of values, we've got a quite bunch of examples.
Wealth, spirituality, charity, artistic, and healing.
In the Principles side, we've got responsibility, discipline, honor, integrity, compassion.
Now, as I said, is pretty easy to mix them up, but I'm going to give you the formula
so you can them tell apart in any situation.
And the formula starts with the principles.
Think of principles like the essential building blocks of character.
Principles are an absolute must.
They are not negotiable.
Of course, you can ignore them, but you will pay for it, in one way or another, in the
long run.
It's easier to see if we go through the list in this fashion.
You cannot afford to be irresponsible, or not being disciplined, or not having honor
or integrity, or not being compassionate.
Again, you can choose to ignore any principle, but it's going to hurt you, and those around
you, sooner or later.
Now, what about values?
They are also called PERSONAL values, but let's call them just values, for short.
Values are the building blocks of your life's compass.
The GPS that you're gonna use to navigate through life.
So, if you don't have that GPS, you will get lost.
And it will NOT be pretty.
In that sense, my compass is different than your compass and they're different from anyone
else's.
And this is not something that you really choose.
This is something that is already inside you.
That you should feel in your bones.
Now, if values are a GPS, they should be taking us somewhere, right?
That 'somewhere' is living a fulfilled life.
A life worth living.
Let's go through the value list to better illustrate this.
There are people that want to get wealthy, others that really want to nurture their spirituality,
others that dream of getting involved in charity, people that have a strong artistic drive and
people that want to heal others.
Notice that principles were must do's, no matter what.
But in values, we can choose the options that better fit our sense of a fulfilled life.
Now, the first rule of values, is that no value is good or bad in itself.
If you have a Wall Street broker who wants to get wealthy, an artist that wants to become
a successful painter, or a religious person that wants to become a priest, in essence
none of these paths is better, or more virtuous than the other.
This is the hardest concept to grasp about values.
No value is good or bad in itself.
At the same time you can, and will, combine them.
For example, a person could want to get wealthy so he can give to charity.
An artist could be very spiritual, or... religious, at the same time, and just focus on painting
scenes from the Bible.
And it becomes even more interesting when you think of doctors.
Doctors want to heal other people, right?
that's one of their values.
But it's not hard to think about making a combination with wealth.
Some doctors will be pleased at the perspective of becoming financially comfortable.
Money and wealth is important for them, besides healing people.
Other doctors will not care at all about wealth, and just go to underdeveloped countries or
even war zones, just to find out how they can help.
None of these two paths is good or bad, as long as the person lives a fulfilled life.
What really makes things go wrong, is when you break the rule of principles.
For example, a person could be extremely spiritual.
A value.
But if they don't have integrity, which is a principle, they could end up creating a
cult.
Or an artist, that is a value, not having discipline, which is a principle.
He's not gonna accomplish much in life.
Or a wealthy person, a value, that is not compassionate, a principle, is going to exploit
anyone just to accumulate more money.
Now, How do you identify values?
it's easy! by asking a negative question.
You're gonna ask the question, "Can a person live a fulfilled life without this?"
And see what happens when we go through our list of values, using that formula.
Yes, people can live a fulfilled life WITHOUT being wealthy.
Yes, people can live a fulfilled life WITHOUT being spiritual.
Yes, people can live a fulfilled life WITHOUT giving to charity.
And before you question that last statement, remember the example of the doctor that doesn't
care about wealth and just goes headfirst into underdeveloped countries where it's most
needed.
Maybe he thinks about charity as something too passive, and he wants to heal and help
people, do the hard stuff with his own hands.
And yes, people can live a fulfilled life without having any interest in creating art,
And finally, people can live a fulfilled life without becoming a doctor, or a nurse.
So, principles are non negotiable, but values... you can mix and match them, and most important:
they could change over time.
That's perfectly possible, and perfectly normal.
Maybe in your thirties, you were all about wealth, but in your fifties you're all about
spirituality.
Again, that's absolutely normal.
I cannot stress enough the fact that no value is good or bad in itself.
I need you to really sink it in, because it's the most important message of this video.
Why do people live dull, miserable, unfulfilled lives?
Because they make two mistakes.
The first one is not reflecting enough about their own set of values.
Sadly, this is not taught at school and most parents don't even know about how important
values are.
And that is catastrophic.
Because that will inevitably lead to the second mistake: living by values imposed by others.
By your family, by your group of friends, by society.
And the problem is that certain values have 'fame' of being good or bad.
For example, "If you want to become wealthy, you're a bad person".
"If you're spiritual, you're a good person".
Now you know that it's not like that.
And it's easy to picture what will happen when someone forces you into living a life
with the wrong compass.
"Your father is a doctor, then you must become a doctor too".
or, "We are a family of lawyers, how come you want to become a priest?"
That will only lead to a toxic existence.
Every single one of us lives in that constant pressure from all sides, and it takes serious
introspection to recognize in ourselves which ones are the values that are, at this point
in our lives, the GPS that will guide us to a fulfilled life.
Now, how do you identify your personal set of values?
In the description of this video, you're gonna find a list of one hundred values.
You're going to grab pen and paper and you're going to sort that list into three columns.
The columns are, "Not important at all", "Somewhat important", and "Very important".
You're going to go through all 100 values of the list, and sort them into those three
columns, and how important are those values for you.
Needless to say, you have to be absolutely honest about this.
Nobody has to know your answers.
And make sure you're not answering to please anyone, or because it's the right thing to
do.
You really have to be honest with yourself.
Now, once you're finished, you're gonna discard the first two columns.
And with the third one, "Very important values", you're gonna repeat the process, sorting those
"Very important values" into just two columns this time:
"Really important values" and "Non Negotiable Values".
The golden rule is that in that last column, "Non negotiable values", there can be only
five of them.
This is important, because we need to focus in the values that are absolutely non negotiable
to us.
And what's gonna happen is that you're going to end with a list of nine or ten of them,
and you'll have to pit them against one another.
Because just five of them can make it to the final list.
That's it!
you have the five most important values that constitute your personal GPS at this point
in your life.
The question is, are you living your life according to these five values?
You're the only one who can answer that.
Talking about values is fascinating, and a critical topic to understand ourselves and
especially, how can we live a fulfilled life.
I just hope this video, and this simple exercise helps you reach a deeper insight about yourself.
The only thing you have to do, is give it a try.
If you want to refine your observation skills, all you have to do is download my 100+ body
language tips, right in the description of this video.
My name is Jesús Enrique Rosas and it will always be a pleasure, my body language buddies!
Much Love, and Bliss.