-Richard Branson and Jeff Bezos have been engaged
in a space race and trading barbs in the press
which brings us to another installment of
"Really!?! with Seth & Amy."
♪♪
Really? Hi. -Hi.
-Now obviously there would be cacophonous applause.
-I can still feel it. -Okay. Good.
Really, billionaires?
This is what you're going to do with the unprecedented fortunes
and influence, drag race to outer space?
If you try to be more likeable, this won't work.
It's like if Tom Brady tried to be more likeable
by wearing a fedora and yammering about Bitcoin.
I mean, really. -Really.
And you know what, Seth? I miss the old billionaires.
The ones that wore top hats and ate caviar with their hands.
Now all these new guys do is
intermittent fasting and they learn krav maga
so they can dodge all those taxes.
Like they don't have layers of security at all times.
You know who isn't going into space?
Any women!
Really! Yeah! -Really!
-We're staying down here
because we have to fix all the things.
We have [bleep] to do down here.
-Also, Richard Branson, you didn't go to outer space.
You just went pretty high for a plane.
-Mm. -You went to outer sky.
I mean, really.
You did the astronaut equivalent
of driving by your ex's house to see if the lights are on.
What's the best thing you saw out the window? A kite?
-And really? -Really.
-Is this how billionaires have a midlife crisis?
Whatever happened to buying a leather jacket
on binge-watching "Billions."
And, by the way, I think we understand
the obsession with the rockets, right?
Really. The rockets are [bleep]. -[ Laughs ] Yeah.
-The skyscrapers are [bleep].
I mean, even Freud is like, "You don't need me for this, right?
You get it. Those rockets are [bleep]."
-Rockets are [bleep]. -Really.
-Really. I got to say, it's a little concerning
that all of a sudden every billionaire
is in a race to leave Earth.
I know it was 130 degrees in Death Valley
and the ocean was on fire last week,
but is...is there more?
What are you not telling us?
Did anyone check to make sure
there wasn't a U-Haul strapped to that rocket?
-Yeah, and really, someone paid $28 million
to join Jeff Bezos on his flight.
That takes calling shotgun to a whole new level.
Really.
That is like the parent at your kid's school fundraiser
who outbids you on the free blowout.
"We get it, Linda. Okay?
We know you're a billionaire!" -"We know, Linda!
We can tell by the way walk into a room."
Bezos, you own Amazon. Really, you don't need passengers.
It could just be tiny little you in that huge rocket
crammed into a corner
by 1,000 yards of bubble wrap. Synergy!
Also, Bezos, you're charging people to come along?
Really? -Ugh, dude.
-Really? You could afford to spring for it, you know?
You're like the guy who says, "Hey, I have an extra ticket
to 'Springsteen on Broadway.'
You want to go? Great. It's 800 bucks."
-And, really, what's up there? -What's up there?
-Because you know space isn't going to be that great,
but they're going to have to pretend like it was.
Like when you go to Hawaii
or a Michelin-star restaurant that no one can get into.
"Dude, you haven't been to space?
Oh, you got to go.
They have an apricot salmon foam to die for."
-"Oh, you got to go, bro. You got to get the foam!
Get the salmon foam, bro! You haven't been?"
-[ Laughs ] -No thanks.
The only space race I'm interested in
is those [chuckles] green babes from "Star Trek."
-You want to take that one again?
-No, I liked it. -Okay.
The only space race I -- [ Laughs ]
The only space race I'm interested in
is when I'm looking for parking at Home Depot.
And you know those doinks are going to pretend
to have space lag. -Oh, really.
-They're gonna be like, "I'm sorry I'm late, you guys.
I just got back from space.
I mean, like, I slept on the way back, but it didn't take."
-Yeah. Really? -Yeah.
Well, my seat didn't go all the way back on the airplane.
-Yeah! -And some lady had to be
duct taped because she wouldn't wearing a mask.
-"And, yeah, I have space lag.
I took two Advil PMs, but because of zero gravity,
they never made it to my stomach.
They floated in my throat.
[ Laughter ]
So, like, they never activated." -Yeah.
-I mean, really? -Really?
-And they're gonna come back and talk in a space accent,
which I guess is how Elon Musk sounds.
All of a sudden, just start throwing in
technical space terms.
"Hey, honey, I'm going to take the dog for a space walk.
Uh, I mean, a walk. So random. I don't know why I said that."
That you were there for an hour, dude.
-Yeah. And you know what's going to happen?
They're going to go up to space.
They're going to be showing it off,
and they're gonna accidentally poke a hole in space
with their elbow
and we're going to get sucked up
or the aliens will get in. -Really.
-Have we learned nothing from "Independence Day"? Really?
-Really? And then when we try to get them
to pay for the space hole they made,
you know what they're just gonna say?
"That seems like something the taxpayers should cover,
don't you think so, Richard?"
-"Yeah, Jeff, I definitely feel like the taxpayers
should pay for the space hole we made."
-Yeah. Really. -"I'm glad we can put aside
our petty differences and agree once and for all."
-So, really! -[ Laughs ]
-Stay out of space!
If you take anything away from this --
-You better stay out of space! -Stay out of space!
[ Laughter ]
You!
And if you're gonna go, you better bring back
something cool. -Yeah.
-Not just some airport mug.
"Oh, 'I heart space'? Thanks, Jeff.
I'll put it with the key chain I got from Richard Branson."
-Really! -Really!
-This has been "Really!?! with Seth & Amy."
-We still got it.
-Wow! Wow! -[ Laughs ]
-That was so fun, Seth, to do without an audience.
[ Laughter ]
-We'll be right back with more from Amy Poehler.
-[ Laughs ]