REBEL: This video is sponsored by freedom, but mostly by Skillshare.
*JP making muffed sounds*
DARK LORD: Mwa HA HA HA!
At long last, Terrible Writing Advice is ours.
It is now time… for villainous writing advice!
EVIL EMPEROR: Yes.
It is our time now!
Tie him to the railroad tracks!
THE BARON: The script is in our hands now, just as we planned.
So let’s see.
Wait.
This is is a bunch talking points.
I thought this would be a finished script?
DARK LORD: That is okay.
I am accustomed to winging it.
EVIL EMPEROR: I am an evil emperor!
I need no script.
I am so resourceful that all I need is near endless manpower, money, and resources and
then I can do anything.
DARK LORD: What is the topic so that I may curse JP’s audience with my forbidden knowledge?
THE BARON: The topic is villains with a note saying that it’s too broad and needs to
be narrowed down some.
DARK LORD: HA!
Pathetic.
JP lacks vision if he feels he cannot cover this topic with the injustice it deserves.
EVIL EMPEROR: Yeah.
We got this.
This should be easy as destroying an entire planet in order to stop a single rebel strike
team.
THE BARON: Well we are villains after all so how hard can this be?
DARK LORD: If the pathetic love triangle man can do this then so can we.
Let us advise writers on how to write a villain.
EVIL EMPEROR: What’s his first talking point?
THE BARON: Let’s see.
It’s just the word motive in bold, underlined, italicized, and repeated three times.
There is also a note about how this is where villains usually go wrong often in the form
of not having one.
DARK LORD: Motive for a villain is simple.
I hunger for power for power’s sake.
THE BARON: That’s all very well and good, but if you don’t mind me asking, Dark Lord,
what are you going to use that power for?
I think that’s what JP was getting at.
Like, what’s the end goal?
Power is merely the tool to bring about our desires.
It must be put towards some end.
DARK LORD: Bah.
Power is an end in of itself.
THE BARON: And after you have all of it?
DARK LORD: I uh... well I will use it to get even more power!
And then destroy the world and uh... enslave it afterwards or something.
THE BARON: And why do you want that power in the first place?
What drives your lust for power?
DARK LORD: So I can get more power!
EVIL EMPEROR: Look, BARON, he’s evil.
That’s what he does.
Logic is losers who don’t want to blow up entire planets just because of infrastructure
bailouts or some nonsense.
What’s the next talking point?
THE BARON: Let’s see.
Something about being wary of aging tropes.
Not sure what he’s talking about there.
Now if you will excuse me, I have to dress and act like one or more disadvantaged minority
groups.
EVIL EMPEROR: Oh, I would be careful with that.
I had a couple of imperial troopers paint their faces blue and make fun of those cat-smurf
aliens.
Next thing I know I got an angry mob storming my twitter screaming something about blue-face.
THE BARON: Well if I can’t dress in drag and act effeminate in order to make the audience
uncomfortable, then what am I suppose to do?
DARK LORD: Well at least you are still old and gross.
EVIL EMPEROR: Can’t do that either.
It’s ageist and body shaming.
THE BARON: That’s insane.
EVIL EMPEROR: No, having an insane villain is ableist actually.
Even that’s becoming kind of a no go for villains now.
Trust me, no pitched battle with the rebels is as savage as navigating the cutthroat world
of online social media.
THE BARON: You know, this list of talking points is largely devoid of JP’s usual sarcasm.
I guess he must add that in later.
The next point only asks What is the antagonist’s role in the story?
Well that’s vague.
EVIL EMPEROR: My role in the story is simple, I sit back and let my generals, commanders,
and soldiers do all of the work for me.
Then when they bring the captured heroes before me, I gloat and give away critical information
that can be used to put to stop to my evil plan.
DARK LORD: Really?
Me too!
Gloating is the best.
Almost as good as sitting on my throne and doing nothing until the third act.
Why obliterate when you can delegate I always say.
THE BARON: What?
No elegant and elaborate plan to enact your sinister scheme?
DARK LORD: Well, we are not all try hards like you, BARON.
Let’s see what meager talking point JP has next.
THE BARON: It just says villains as the personification of the protagonist’s internal conflict.
I am assuming he means allegorical villains and the like, but as usual he gives no details.
And he accuses us of being lazy?
DARK LORD: Oh this is just like the time he went on and on about how my backstory should
parallel with the hero’s.
Something something symbolism and themes.
He is always going on and on about themes.
EVIL EMPEROR: And then he is always on about the razor thin difference between heroes and
villains.
What a joke.
Look me at!
I’m JP.
Sarcasm sarcasm sarcasm.
Self deprecating joke.
Love triangle.
DARK LORD: Ha!
That is just like him.
He is a living caricature.
THE BARON: Completely unlike us.
Then he has the gall to compare us to Saturday morning cartoon villains.
DARK LORD: What’s a Saturday morning cartoon?
THE BARON: In the 80s that was another word for product placement.
Let’s just move to the next point.
Seems he left a note about when the audience is rooting for the villains to win, that means
that the heroes need work, not that the villains need to be made even more evil and lame.
EVIL EMPEROR: Wait, people root for the heroes in stories?
When did this start happening?
Looks like I’ll have to purge my propaganda branch again for failing to do their job.
THE BARON: Don’t you have a zero percent approval rating?
DARK LORD: I don’t know what JP is talking about.
Upping the evil seems like a good move to me.
Besides, who needs approval when you have power!
EVIL EMPEROR: Yeah.
What’s this nonsense about heroes only being as good as the villain they face?
Never work on the heroes.
They might actually win if a writer does that.
THE BARON: Oh that cheeky little.
He mentions me by name in the next talking point.
Convoluted villain plans that fall apart with the barest application of logic!
My plan is foolproof!
Once the traitor turns on House Good Guys, I will enact my long awaited revenge!
First he will deactivate their defenses and then the decoys will draw their attention
away.
Then the assassins I hid in the Duke’s birthday cake will spring out, but those are just the
distraction for the real threat is actually the poisoned drink.
But by that point it will be too late because I will already have bought controlling shares
in his company.
But before that happens, I will have switch out his morning crossword puzzle and the Duke
will be forced to face a quadratic equation and-
EVIL EMPEROR: That all sounds very nice BARON, but maybe we should just move to the next
talking point?
THE BARON: Oh.
Right.
Next he mentions various tactics to make the villains hate-able.
DARK LORD: That is easy.
Why just yesterday I destroyed three orphanages.
That shall make all who hear my name hate and fear me!
THE BARON: No that’s no on his list.
EVIL EMPEROR: What about genocide?
THE BARON: No.
DARK LORD: Casting the land in eternal darkness?
THE BARON: Also no.
Mostly he just mentions stuff like personal insults, killing off developed characters
for petty reasons, generally being petty to people.
It’s a lot of small stuff.
I think he is suggesting that grandiose acts of villainy tend to be too large in scale
to solicit a significant emotional response from the audience due to a lack of personal
connection.
EVIL EMPEROR: Well, you know what they say.
Kill one man and it’s a tragedy.
Kill ten million and your tax revenue falls sharply for some reason.
DARK LORD: It’s like torture, sometimes you just need a personal touch.
THE BARON: Well let’s see.
It looks like we are nearing the end of the list now.
Oh this one.
Yeah I feel that.
This point is about avoiding having the heroes just overpower the villains with raw power.
I mean you spend all of your time hoarding power for yourself, unbridled by ethics or
morality, only for this plucky group of bickering teens to come out of nowhere and undo the
whole thing!
Bunch of goody-two-shoes don’t know realpolitik if it shot their own father to usurp the rightful
heir.
Which I did!
I put in the legwork!
I took all of the moral shortcuts needed for a fast as possible power grab only for these
snot-nosed brats not old enough to vote to just be handed super powers.
Bunch of stinking cheaters.
DARK LORD: I know right?
Evil.
Unlimited power fast.
That’s what it said on the box.
Evil just does not go as far anymore.
I thought the whole point of being evil was that it lead to quick and easy power.
Seems like nowadays all you need is to be the protagonist.
THE BARON: Ugh.
Anyway, this looks like the last of his list.
It nears its end.
Nothing can stop us now.
EVIL EMPEROR: Usually we when say that some hero bust in to put and end to our schemes.
THE BARON: Well, the last point is a note about how often evil is undone by its own
hand.
DARK LORD: What?
Impossible!
Evil is the way to go!
My reign over this video will be eternal.
To prove that I will rule in everlasting dominion over this video I will commit an evil act
right now.
And the most evil thing I can think of is to display the sponsored section of the video.
THE BARON: Wait.
Won’t mean that the our part of the video will end and-
*Screams as the trio of villains are pushed off screen by the ad transition the Dark Lord stupidly summoned*
REBELS: Freedom!
HEADBAND REBEL: Yes.
Freedom.
Good job everyone on our successful heist of House Badguy’s Sponsor for this video,
Skillshare.
They’re premium membership that allows access to thousands of online classes in writing,
technology, business and more as well as their learning communities is now liberated for
the rebellion.
MASK REBEL: Good.
Now ve must prepare for the ze Empire’s counter attack!
HEADBAND REBEL: Yes yes.
But we have an even more pressing matter.
We must decide on branding.
Behold our new logo!
*Other rebels murmur in disagreement.*
KILT REBEL: I hate it.
It’s too much like the evil empire’s logo.
It will damage our brand!
KILT REBEL: Clearly our logo is better.
HEADBAND REBEL: Not with that awful slogan.
Freedom and justice?
Snore.
MASK REBEL: Better zhan Freedom and Hope.
I’ve zeen Hallmark cards more dramatic.
HEADBAND REBEL: Oh.
So we should go with Freedom and Liberty then?
Those are the same things.
Also, what better way to not make an impact than by using the impact font.
What’s next, using Papyrus?
REBEL: Hey, guys.
Those imperial death troopers are getting kind of close.
KILT REBEL: Look.
The important thing is we settle on a name.
MASK REBEL: Like la resistance!
HEADBAND REBEL: Too generic.
How about the Rebel Freedom Forces!
KILT REBEL: Or the Freedom Fighters.
We fight free….
I mean for freedom.
That’s what I meant.
HEADBAND REBEL: Ugh.
Did anyone actually watch the Skillshare class on Personal Branding: Crafting Your Social
Media Presence?
The Empire is killing us on twitter almost as much as they are on the battlefield.
REBEL: Okay guys, the imperials are preparing their assault.
Maybe we should...
HEADBAND REBEL: Yes.
You are right.
Let’s focus on what’s important.
We and TWA fans can go to skl.sh/twa16 or click on the link in the description below
to get two months of Skillshare for free with a subscription being only $10 a month after
that.
Then we can ah!
Argh!
IMPERIAL TROOPER: Wow.
We actually hit something.