You have a difficult coworker, whether they're
ossiping about you taking credit for your work,
abotaging your work or doing any of the other
hings that difficult and toxic coworkers do, you
re playing right into their hands if you react if
ou want to respond the right way and disarm a
ifficult person at work, stay tuned. Now first
hings first, I'm going to say the obvious, we
eed to acknowledge the fact that this is
rustrating AI, when you're dealing with a
ifficult co worker who's trying to make you look
ad, or take credit for your work or whatever it
s that they're doing. It's so frustrating that
ou have to waste time at work dealing with it.
ow one way that you can counteract this is by
apping the like button. I don't know why. Maybe
t'll help Okay, maybe not. But it's really going
o help my video. So it really appreciate it. Now,
ere's the thing that I've noticed about my
areer. Besties who hang out around here, they are
ntelligent, operate with integrity, and they
alue others, we got a lot of empathetic people
round here. And because you hold yourself to
hese high standards, you expect everyone around
ou to be the same. After all, you would never
reat anyone this way. Why would they treat you
ike this? But the thing is, since they started
t, you get to react, right? I mean, you can
efend yourself, well, it might not be a good
dea. So let's talk about why you can't react in
he situation. Now I want to take something head
n because it comes up all the time in the
omments. So let's just nip it in the bud right
here. Whenever I talk about neutralizing not
reacting and essentially not escalating a
situation, one of the most common responses I hear
is something along the lines of that's terrible
advice. You can't let other people walk all over
you like that. The thing is, is when you react to
that difficult co worker, you are doing exactly
what they want you to do. And they when it doesn't
matter what they did who they are, people expect
that behavior from them, who they don't expect the
reaction from is you. So regardless of any
behavior that merits the reaction, in your
opinion, it's still gonna make you look
unprofessional. And it's still going to have a
negative impact on your professional reputation.
What happens when you hurt your professional
reputation, you get less opportunities, you get
less promotions, it's going to show up on your
performance review. And that's going to show up in
your paycheck. We do not want that. But it is
worth digging into why you have the instinct to
react to your difficult coworker no matter what
the dead. The reason why you want to react
probably begins with you wanting to save face,
they're trying to make you look bad. They're
trying to make you look incompetent. They're
trying to make you look inferior, or unworthy.
Whatever it is, and your reaction is to try to
recover from whatever it is they've done to you.
The thing is, a lot of the antics that difficult
coworkers put on are really power grabs, and what
they're doing they're doing in order to get that
reaction for you. And when you give them that
reaction, not only are you maybe making yourself
look bad, you're giving them exactly what they
want, and you're handing over your power. Now,
obviously, you're not watching this video because
you want your difficult co worker to win and for
yourself to look bad and to damage your own
professional brand. I mean, if you wanted to do
that you like literally would not be watching this
video right now you're here because you want to
have the correct reaction. The thing about these
situations is that if you want to maintain
control, if you want to maintain your power, and
you really want to save face, and maybe even build
your professional brand because of what they've
done in the most positive of ways you need to
respond instead of reacting. But how do you do
that? And what does it look like? Well, first
things first, you need to hold your tongue when
Patty's being a d-bag, it's easy enough to tell it
like it is it is much more harder, but also much
more dignified, to bite your tongue and calm down.
Now there are three things that are going to help
you just take a moment of silence in that moment.
First of all, deep breath in and out. Now aside
from oxygen being very helpful for your brain to
think and work and do all of that stuff. It is
also giving you time to get out of fight flight or
freeze mode. When that difficult coworker did the
thing that spurns your instinct to react. What it
did is it activated your amygdala. Now this is the
most primitive area of your brain. So obviously
not the one that we want to be operating from
especially since when your amygdala is active,
your logic center literally shuts down. It's
really not ideal when you're having conflict with
a co worker, or in a potential confrontation with
a difficult co worker now the neuro chemicals that
are activated in order to Turn on this response
actually dissipate in about six seconds. So that
deep breath in and out is giving you a six seconds
for that chemical reaction in your brain to
dissipate so that you can move back into your
logical cognitive brain and approach the situation
with strategy and intent. But then I also want you
to remember these three really important things
that so many people overlook. In these situations
with difficult people at work first, other people
notice their actions, and yours do you really
think that anyone thinks Patty is a great coworker
that she's a team player, that she's
collaborative, that she really has leadership
potential? Well, anyone with any wits about them
probably doesn't think any of those things about
Patty, they know exactly who patty is. And they're
holding Patty to a patty standard, you on the
other hand, you're different. And people notice
the things that you do good and bad. And they're
going to notice exactly how you react in the
situation, whether it's a uncontrolled reaction
out of anger, or disappointment, or if you're
responding with integrity, grace and
professionalism. Next, I subscribe to the Elle
Wood's philosophy of happy people just don't kil
people. And what this means for us at work i
hopefully we're not actually dealing with any o
that level of violence is that secure, an
confident coworkers don't sabotage other c
workers, they don't need to take credit for your
work. They're not throwing you under bosses,
they're not participating in the malicious office
gossip. And the third thing that you need to
remember, especially in this situation, is the
only thing that you are fully in control of is
your reaction, you don't get to choose who your
difficult coworker is how they are and how they
act, your control in this situation is who you
are, how you respond. And whether this is
something that is going to damage your
professional reputation, and maybe even
relationships with other co workers, including
your difficult co worker, or if this becomes a
situation of conflict with a co worker where you
end up leaving the situation looking really good.
And well, everyone just knows exactly who the
other person is. Okay, so now you know not to
react and why it's important. But how do you
actually respond? Because you can't just stand
there and do nothing? Breathing deeply right?
At some point, we need to respond. So how do you
respond? Well, first of all, I have an entire
playlist of videos about how to respond to
difficult people that you're working with, and
specific behaviors that might arise. So I'll make
sure that that's linked down in the description
bar, so that you can find the one that works for
you. But really general top level, I want to give
you some strategies that are going to apply in
most situations. And the first one is to ask
questions, one of the best questions that can be
asked in almost every situation is What do you
mean? The thing is, is that when you ask a
clarifying question, what you're really doing is
calling out their behavior without calling out
their behavior. You're inviting them to examine
how they are acting, and maybe even why they are
acting that way, it gives them the opportunity to
catch themselves with a little subtle wink of I
know what you're doing here. Now, next, when
you're working with a difficult person, there is
not going to be just one situation one time and it
never happens. Again, if this is truly a difficult
co worker or even a toxic co worker, these things
are going to rise again and again. And again. And
as I mentioned earlier, when you are reacting when
you're responding all the time, what you're really
doing is you are playing their game, and you never
want them to be the main character of your career
strategy. You are the main character of your
career strategy, my friend. So the next thing that
you need to do is you need to really focus on your
career success strategies. That is the escape
button from so much drama and BS at work. No, I
already mentioned building your UAQ is really
undamental. I won't harp on it, but your
eputation truly does precede you. And if you have
solid professional brand as being intelligent,
alented, collaborative and easy to work with, if
omeone acts in a way that potentially casts you
n a light in opposition to that your reputation
s going to save you from actually being something
hat damages your reputation at work. The next
areer success strategy that you really need to
ocus on in this case is to market yourself. Now
f course, this is always important, especially if
ou're someone who wants to advance in their
areer. If you want to raise your visibility if
ou want to increase your pay if you want to get
romotions, marketing yourself is really important
nd to get And this is also strategic when you're
orking with difficult coworkers, because it's
oing to take you out of a lot of the chaos that
hey can really create. For example, if your
eadership team knows exactly what you're working
n and the impact that it's making, it's going to
ake it extremely challenging, if not impossible,
or a difficult coworker to come and take credit
or your work, because everyone knows, it's the
ork that you're doing. And then who looks bad in
he situation, that is showing that they lack
ntegrity, that they like honesty, and that
hey're really just trying to ride on your
oattails, which in a way makes you look even
etter. Now, the third strategy that is extremely
mportant, again, across your career, but
specially when you are dealing with difficult
ersonalities at work is to make sure that you are
uilding out your network of advocates, when we
ook at a lot of the behaviors of difficult
eople. It includes sabotage, gossip, and really a
ot of effort in order to make you look bad so
hat they look better. The thing is, is that when
his happens when you're not in the room, if you
ave established a network of advocates,
specially surrounding the people that matter most
or your career success, those people in the room
re going to speak up for you, they are going to
efend you. Or again, they're just going to know
hat that is not who you are, and that that person
s misrepresenting themselves. And that it's not
ctually a reflection of you, your network of
dvocates can also be instrumental in removing
bstacles that a difficult person is creating for
ou in order to accomplish your goals at work. In
act, they might be the exact people that you need
n order to bypass certain things when you're
ealing with a difficult person at work. Now, if
ou're not already, I have more videos planned on
hese strategies to really help you Institute
hem, not just to help you deal with workplace
rama and difficult co workers and toxic co
orkers. But because these are the things that are
eally going to help you succeed in your career.
o whether you just want to be really awesome in
he job that you're in, or you dream of stepping
nto leadership or want to find yourself in the C
uite one day, these are all crucial. Now there's
ne more thing that we need to talk about when a
ifficult co worker does something that you want
o react to. And that is when you are responding
ou need to be prepared to navigate conflict with
coworker, co worker conflict happens and the m
re that you know about how to enter into a p
tential conflict, and how to remain calm and c
nfident, the better off you're going to be which i
going to make you look a lot better. Now I want y
u to really be prepared for this. So what I want y
u to do right now is go and watch this video w
ere I help you prepare for conflict with a co w
rker. But before you go if this video helped y
u, give it a thumbs up really helps my channel m
kes you my favorite career bestie which is I t
ink a win win situation. As always my friend t
ank you so much for watching. I will see you in t
e next video. Bye for now.