I guess living in India
wasn't risky enough.
Lotta flip-flops.
Let's go Tom's, get these kids some of
your cheap-ass shoes already.
Maybe throw in a helmet.
Do people really need noses and lips?
That's what you get for playing hooky from the call center.
Jumping 8 kids in India is like only 2 1/2 in America,
with the current obesity exchange rate.
Try jumping eight people with an illegal alien
on your handlebars.
You got one more in the tank, E.T.?
All right.
You made me look like an idiot, E.T.
I've had it up to here with E.T.
Tomorrow, I'm turning him over to the government
for medical testing.
I don't want to hear it, E.T.!
I bet he was texting.
Now, let's watch the only race in Utah besides Caucasian
in this week's Breakdown.
Welcome to the Tour de Utah.
It's like France, if fun were illegal.
Comin' in hot!
That's why I have a little bell on my handlebars.
And you ruined his suicide or blocked him from taking
an amazing shortcut.
All those crappy crossover vehicles, and you just had
to crash into the $100,000 Porsche Panamera.
Where's Lance's Clean Blood Truck when you need it?
[indistinct shouting] Ah, yeah.
They must not have accounted for the fact that
their legs are freshly shaven.
Smart move for that motorcycle to slip out while everyone's
focused on saving those people's lives.
I had a disaster on a bike once where I couldn't
get my spin shoes unclipped.
Ah!
>> No! Slow down!
>> Don't slow down!
There's a race to win.
First place gets a signed David Archuleta CD.
We are in Mormon land, so this might just be one family
going on a bike ride, and for that,
we thank you.
Technically, this next guy has
as many Tour de France titles as Lance Armstrong.
[whispers] Zero.
That guy is huge.
Yet he'll still find a way to take up a whole lane.
He also has the world's tiniest case of testicular cancer.
You know, I have an even smaller bicycle,
and it's built for two.
[festive music]
Where was the bike? Did you see it?
I didn't see it.
This show isn't even trying anymore.
Let's find out why you never try
to out-grand the canyon.
- Yeah! - Wow!
- Yeah! - Whoo!
- [shrieks] - Oh, no!
- You see what you're forcing us to do, black people?
You've just shoved us out of normal sports.
and now we're jumping off mountains.
By the way, you get extra points
if you go farther than your bike.
[bystanders groaning]
I bet his scream sounded majestic
echoing off the canyon walls.
- Yeah! - [shrieks]
- Oh, my god! Oh, god!
- Never cheer until there's a safe landing,
because now you all look stupid.
There's no shame in bailing out when things get dangerous.
I do it all the time.
So what do you do?
Well, I haven't booked anything yet, but I'm an actress.
- Oh.
And that's why I always wear a helmet cam
on a first date.