Transcriber: Fanya Balabanova Reviewer: Denise RQ
I would like to introduce you to a young man named Abhishek.
I first met Abhishek 4 years ago
when he was just 14 years old.
He was living with his family right here in Pune,
one of India's biggest cities.
I'd like you to take a good look at Abhishek,
and ask yourself if you recognize him.
Do you see anything unusual about him?
You're probably asking: "What is so unusual about Abhishek?"
Well, let me tell you.
When I first met Abhishek, there was nothing unusual about him.
But that's exactly why you need to know about him.
You see, Abhishek, like millions of other young men around the world,
was physically hitting his sister and verbally abusing his mother.
I'm going to tell you
how we are unwittingly raising young men around the world
to think that abusing women is acceptable.
And I'm going to show you
that if we give young men the opportunity to challenge violence in their community,
they will!
And when they do, other young men join them.
Together, they change their own behavior towards women,
and they challenge other men on their abusive behavior too.
And finally, I want to let you know
that until men start to challenge violence against women,
women around the world, including here in India,
are going to continue to face abuse.
Well, that's all very well, but not all men are part of the problem.
Of course, not.
But let me tell you that the problem is still very big.
There are 230 million men under the age of 18 in India.
That's nearly the size of the United States of America.
And a recent United Nations survey on South Asia suggests
that as many as 116 million of those men will grow up and hit women.
And what's more, as many as 58 million will grow up to rape women.
When I first heard these numbers, I had to pinch myself.
I know the numbers aren't perfect, but this is a huge issue.
And how come we haven't heard about it before?
In order to understand the answer to that question
and to understand why Abhishek grew up to abuse women,
we need to have a look
at how we are raising young men in our communities.
I think you'll agree with me,
Abhishek isn't abusive just because he was born a male.
Across Asia, including India, young men are growing up in communities
where violence and discrimination against women is far too common.
When men hit women,
the police and community largely ignore it,
it's considered a private matter.
What's more, our leaders and commentators
position violence and discrimination against women,
squarely as a women's problem.
Women are supposed to prevent it:
"Don't go out late!"
"And stop wearing revealing clothing!"
"And don't drink alcohol!"
And you notice how those popular solutions place the burden on women
conveniently ignoring the role of men as perpetrators.
Before I tell you a little bit more
about the solutions that we've been working on,
I'd like to tell you a little bit about how I came across this problem,
and how I ended up here in this room today.
It all boils down to two clear things in my life:
the first is that I love to solve problems,
and the second is that I strongly believe
that we all have responsibility to the communities in which we live.
These two things came together and I went to study industrial design,
which is the process of solving human problems with technology.
I went on to solve the problems of corporates and of governments
as a management consultant.
And that's the job that brought me to India in 2008.
My first project was to help build a brand new cricket stadium.
I don't really know why,
I suddenly became very popular with all my Indian friends,
but my love affair with consulting wasn't to last.
Very soon I quit my job
to pursue more meaningful work at a community level.
I wanted to set up a series of community cinemas.
I wanted to use the power of film to bring together large groups of people,
and I wanted to provide them information that they could use
to access better education, better jobs, and even better healthcare.
Within a few months, we'd started our first community cinema,
and we invited the whole community to join us to celebrate.
Only they didn't.
The only people who turned up, was a rabble of young men.
I was at least expecting some women to turn up,
and I was quite disappointed, to be honest.
But I'd made a commitment to the community and to myself,
and so I picked up the phone to people who would know, and I said:
"I've got a group of young men in front of me.
What social issue should I be working with them on?"
The response was: "Well, well, we don't work with young men.
We work with women.
Because the key social issues in India
are defined by women being worse off than the men,
so we work with women to help them escape from this discrimination."
Now, that would be a solution that you are all familiar with.
And it's a very important one too,
but it does beg another question, doesn't it?
Who is discriminating against women?
And it's when I asked that question
in my community cinema, in front of these men,
that the penny dropped.
And I realized that many of the young men in front of me were going to grow up,
and they were going to become violent and discriminatory towards women.
And the first thing that I felt was anger.
I was so cross.
How was it that these men's future have been predetermined already?
Why did they have to grow up to be violent?
Why couldn't they become partners in ending violence against women?
Why couldn't they become leaders
to challenge violence in their own communities?
Well, of course they could. Why not?
And it's with that message,
that I went back to my friends in the social sector,
I went to CSR leaders, business leaders,
and I said: "We should be working with young men to prevent violence."
And I got the same response:
"Well, this sector is geared up to work with women,
and unless you start working with women, we are going to be unable to help you."
It was at this point, some of my friends and family suggested
that I pick up the phone to my old boss and ask him nicely for my job back.
But I wasn't quite ready to do it yet
because I'd just met this amazing woman, Rujuta Teredesai.
Rujuta grew up in Pune,
and on these very streets, she faced sexual harassment from men.
Rujuta had a deep passion for community development.
She understood the subtleties and nuances of Indian culture,
and she spoke all of the local languages.
But more importantly, she saw what I saw.
That it's going to be much better to try to prevent violence against women
than to try to to deal with the problem afterwards.
And so together, Rujuta and I, set up a new organization
called Equal Community Foundation at the end of 2010.
With this new stronger partnership,
and with this clear vision of engaging men to end violence against women,
we were able to gather some resources to start work.
And within just a few months
of nearly throwing the towel in and giving all up,
we were suddenly working with hundreds of men across Pune.
And that's when I realized, it was all worth it.
With our new team, Rujuta and I, went out to 20 communities across Pune,
and we asked young men in each of them to help us end violence against women.
And do you know what?
In each one of those 20 communities young men stood up and they said,
"I want to help."
They said, "What can I do?"
And we knew what we wanted them to do.
We wanted them to change their own behavior towards women,
and we wanted them to challenge other men's abusive behavior too.
But how?
Because at the end of the day, we were all doing this for the first time.
The first step we took
was to ask young men to come and talk
about the issues that they faced on the regular basis.
We invited them to weekly meetings
where they could talk about the discrimination that they have faced
and the violence and discrimination that they have perpetrated
in confidence.
It was as young men began to share their stories,
that other young men began to realize
that they want to learn facing these issues.
And as they began to realize they want to learn,
they began to form stronger bonds with their peers,
and they began to understand the role that they were playing in the problem,
and they began to get clarity on what they could do as part of the solution.
With this clarity came confidence.
And it's this confidence that allowed us to step out into the community
with three clear messages.
Number one: violence against women is a huge problem.
Number two: men's behavior towards women is at the root of that problem.
And number three: until men start to change their own behavior
and challenge the behavior of others, women are going to continue to face abuse.
From the very start, the response from the community was positive.
Of course, people were suspicious.
Because this was, after all, the first time
that these issues were being talked about so openly.
And by none other than men themselves.
But soon, the response was overwhelming.
Women who saw the change in behavior in their first son
would enroll their second son.
There were other stories
where volunteers were challenging elder men who were also abusing women.
But what's more important
is that these young men on our program started to change their own behavior
and they started to respect women themselves.
They would support their mothers and their sisters
and they would help them with the domestic chores
like cooking, and cleaning, and washing dishes.
Now, this may sound like small fry,
but let me tell you, it is incredibly significant,
because it demonstrates that for the first time
these young men were openly and voluntarily challenging
the gender stereotypes that underpin violence and discrimination against women.
And women too, were so happy,
because for the first time,
people who wanted to help them had come into their community
and hadn't asked women to change but had asked men to change.
We weren't satisfied just with these anecdotal stories.
We wanted to find out what had really happened,
and how women had really experienced the benefits of our program.
So we went out and spoke to over 300 women.
The response was extraordinary.
Upon analysis, 61% of women experienced
a significant reduction in either violence or discrimination.
And it was with this exciting news
that we got the confidence to continue our work.
And three years on, we've worked with over 1500 young men across Pune.
Hundreds continue to volunteer with us on a weekly basis.
And in every single one of these communities,
young men are taking the lead to challenge violence against women.
Now, let's have another look at Abhishek.
Next time you see a young man like Abhishek,
I urge you to recognize him,
and recognize the potential that he and his peers have
in ending violence against women.
Do know this, that Abhishek is indeed unusual.
You see, Abhishek was one of the first young men in our community
to stand up and say, "I want to help."
He was one of the first men to say: "I will change my behavior towards women
and I will challenge the behavior of other men."
And today he is one of our most active leaders
challenging violence in his community.
Because at the end of the day, not all men are part of the problem.
But all men, just like Abhishek, must be part of the solution.
Thank you.
(Applause)