It’s Halloween so I thought I would take the time to create an episode on horror.
Eh.
I think I’ll play video games instead.
But what kind of video game to play?
How about survival horror!
I know.
Let’s write a survival horror game!
Don’t worry.
Writing for a video game is easy because the standards are so painfully low!
Come to think of it, so are the standards of horror writing as well.
That means we can be as lazy as we want and get away with it so long as we can brag about
our new lighting engine!
Now where to start?
Plot, setting or characterization?
What about gameplay or features?
Nope.
Start with the pre-order bonuses.
After carefully doctoring our alpha footage, then we can actually start on writing the
game’s script.
When the game begins we need a way to establish our plot which should be paper thin by design.
The biggest issue is coming up with a reason the player character would stay in a remote
location infested by monsters.
The best way to handle this problem is to give our player character a stock motive like
they are looking for a lost spouse, significant other or sibling while characterizing them
as an average person.
Then just ignore the problem!
They can’t leave the monster infested town because… um the bridge burned down behind
them, or the roads are blocked, or um they just don’t feel like it okay!
Then go back to emphasizing just how average and out of their depth the characters all.
This will in no way be glaring as they mow down hundreds of terrifying monsters that
professional soldiers and law enforcement failed to stop in the previous cut-scene.
We don’t want our main characters burdened with the disadvantage of discipline or military
training.
Another important quality to add to our character is the true horror of survival horror.
No not the jump-scares.
It’s the dialog and voice acting.
“Oh no.
It’s a zombie.
What do I do?
I better run!”
Lackluster voice actors too expensive?
That’s fine.
Just have the other programmers around the office record those audio logs that are left
laying around everywhere.
Overworked programmers during crunch time will give a performance that will really convey
the fear to the audience.
Since our characterization is awful, better focus on environmental design instead.
As our characters lack any kind of preservation instincts, the writer is free to have them
wander into increasingly suicidal locations no sane person would step into.
No need to worry about getting lost since someone was kind enough to leave the tutorial
written on the walls in blood.
These locations include, but are not limited to: abandoned mental hospitals, secret government
research laboratories, dark forests, dungeons, abandoned industrial areas, sewers, remote
archaic mansions, and police departments plagued by inexplicable logic puzzles.
Don’t forget the fleshy walls and extra grunge.
Is the texture quality poor?
That’s fine.
Make everything dark.
The player won’t know any better until they download the flashlight mod so they see enough
to actually get through the stupid game.
With one or more stock settings done, it’s time to move on to the best part.
Designing the monsters!
Making monsters for a survival horror game is actually really simple.
Just mash a bunch of different 3d models together and apply a meat texture.
Done!
If that’s too hard we can always just add zombies.
We obviously need more zombie games.
Such a shame there is a drought of those.
But how will the player combat the monsters?
There are only two options.
Fight or flight.
If a game designer chooses flight, then the player will never have the ability to fight
back no matter how illogical that becomes.
No need compensate for reducing player agency.
The other extreme, I mean option is to force the player to resolve every monster encounter
with violence.
Having the player become a walking arsenal will in no way undercut the horror elements.
Speaking of horror, the best way to scare the player is to stick to what works in other
games.
Repetition doesn’t lead to desensitization after all.
Nothing works best than the good old fashioned jump scare.
Jump scares will continue to be scary even after the hundred time!
They work even better when you telegraph them by making the room eerily silent.
Be sure to cut the music moments before the monster jumps out.
Once the monster appears, then start shrieking that violin.
Want to add to the atmosphere?
Nursery rhymes sang in monotone and children whispering in the background is the way to
go.
Don’t forget to have loud static flashes with distorted sounds pop up on the screen
occasionally.
Now making a survival horror game is not really about creating a single game, but a franchise!
The first game should be the scariest.
Then the second game should be more action focused with simpler puzzles and larger set
pieces.
Finally, the third game should have so little horror or survival in it that it’s really
just a shooter game with horror elements.
Now for the third the game, we should do something to freshen it up.
Now what could be added to a game about flesh devouring space zombies and ancient alien
artifacts that drive people mad that would mesh seamlessly with those elements?
I know!
A love triangle!
Yes.
The most terrifying part of any survival horror game is the horrific abomination of the forced
romantic plot line.
I’m sure the inclusion of a love triangle in games about shooting hideous monsters will
totally hook in those romance fans.
We need those extra sales after all so the publisher can continue in vain to turn a niche
market into a mainstream one.
Because unfortunately, the hardest part about survival horror is for a game studio to survive
their own publisher.