FOLKS, AS I MENTIONED, LAST NIGHT WAS THE DEMOCRATIC
DEBATE IN SOUTH CAROLINA.
ONE MOMENT THAT REALLY STOOD OUT TO ME WAS WHEN ELIZABETH WARREN
WAS ASKED TO NAME A COMMON MISCONCEPTION ABOUT HERSELF.
AND SHE ANSWERED LIKE THIS: >> I SUPPOSE ONE MISCONCEPTION
IS I DON'T EAT VERY MUCH.
IN FACT, I EAT ALL THE TIME.
>> Stephen: FASCINATING.
NOW, I HAD HEARD THE RUMORS THAT SENATOR WARREN CONSUMES
FOOD.
SO I RECENTLY FLEW DOWN TO MY HOMETOWN OF CHARLESTON, SOUTH
CAROLINA, TO MEET UP WITH THE DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE AND TEACH
HER A LITTLE BIT ABOUT SOUTH CAROLINA CUISINE.
JIM?
♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: SENATOR, THANKS
FOR TALKING WITH ME TODAY.
WELCOME TO SOUTH CAROLINA.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: OBVIOUSLY, YOU'RE HERE TO GET TO THE HEART AND
MINDS OF THE SOUTH CAROLINIANS.
TOW GET TO A SOUTH CAROLINIANS HEARTS, YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH
THEIR STOMACH.
>> THAT'S THE WAY IT WORKS.
>> Stephen: THE CONTENTS OF WHICH WILL EVENTUALLY LODGE IN
THEIR HEARTS.
ARE YOU PREPARED FOR SOUTH CAROLINA FOOD?
>> I'M PREPARED.
I'M READY.
>> Stephen: IT'S VERY RICH.
YOU'RE GOING TOW WANT TO TAX IT.
>> OKAY, I LOAF IT.
I LOVE IT.
>> Stephen: YOU'VE SAID-- CORRECT ME IF I'M WROANG--
YOU'VE SAID YOU'RE A FAN OF FAST FOOD.
>> UH-HUH.
>> Stephen: ARE THERE ANY WISE IN WHICH ARE YOU NOT LIKE DONALD
TRUMP?
>> YES, I REBOOKED, I CALLED OUT PEOPLE.
>> Stephen: SO A COUPLE OF REASONS, A COUPLE OF WAYS YOU'RE
DIFFERENT.
NOW, BEING PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, AS FAR AS I CAN
TELL, IS LIKE BEING THE PERSON ORDERING FOR EVERYBODY AT A
RESTAURANT.
>> UH-HUH.
> Stephen: IF YOU'RE THE APPETIZER ORDERER IN CHIEF.
WHAT ARE YOU GETTING FOR AMERICA?
POTATO SKINS, JALAPENO POPPERS?
>> I LIKE THE POEITATEO SKINS WITH CHEESE AND BACON AND SOUR
CREAM TO DIP IN.
>> Stephen: IS THIS WHY YOU WANT UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE
BECAUSE THAT WILL KILL EVERYBODY IN THEIR TRACKS?
>> YOU NEED UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE AFTER THOSE POTATO SKINS.
>> Stephen: GOOD.
LET'S HAVE TWO BOURBON AND WHATEVER THE SENATOR WANTS.
>> I'LL TRY ONE OF WHAT HE'S HVING.
>> Stephen: THIS IS SOME OF OUR LOCAL FOOD DOWN HERE IN
CHARLESTON, SOUTH CAROLINA.
DO YOU LIKE OYSTERS?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: YOU LIKE OYSTERS.
SO HERE ARE... THESE ARE JUST RAW.
>> RIGHT.
I'M GOING TOW PUT A LITTLE HORSE RAD OISH MINE.
>> Stephen: HORSE ROADISH, OKAY.
I'LL JUST SLURP IT DOIN.
MMM.
IT'S LIKE EATING THE OCEAN IF THE OCEAN WAS CONGESTED.
( LAUGHTER )
HAVE YOU EVER HAD A BOILED PEANUT?
>> I DON'T THINK SO.
>> Stephen: IT'S PEANUTS SO IT'S VERY FATTY.
>> UH-HUH.
UNLIKE ANYTHING OALS THIS TABLE.
>> Stephen: IT BALANCES THAT OUT BY BEING EXTREMELY SALTY AT
THE SAME TIME.
>> OH, GOOD.
>> Stephen: YOU KNOW HIGHWAY EVERYBODY LOVES CRUNCHY, SALTY
PEANUTS?
>> UH-HUH.
>> Stephen: BOILED PEANUTS ASK THE QUESTION, "WHAT IF THEY
DIDN'T?"
SOIKIANS ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE IN THE WORLD WHO LOOKED AT A PEANUT
AND SAID WHAT IF IT WAS DAMP.
>> UH-HUH.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE STATE SO FAR?
>> ALL OF THEM.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
>> YUP.
>> Stephen: THAT'S VERY-- EQUITABLE OF YOU.
>> WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE CHILD?
>> I THINK IT WOULD PROBABLY BE LARRY, MY SON LARRY.
>> NOPE, NOPE.
>> Stephen: HE KNOWS I LOVE HIM MOST.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Stephen: I LOAF YOU, LARRY.
>> THEY'RE ALL -- >> Stephen: THE ONES ARE
GREAT.
THE OTHER ONES ARE GREAT, DON'T GET ME WRONG.
LARRY IS THE ONE.
I CALL LARRY THE SOUTH CAROLINA OF MY CHILDREN.
WE WERE TALKING ABOUT WILLAIRES BEFORE.
WE'RE GOING TO PLAY "HIGHWAY WELL DO YOU KNOW THE
BILLIONEERS" YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE AWAY THE MONEY.
YOU'RE LOOK TOWING TAX BILLIONAIRES, MAYBE TAKE THEM
OUT OF THE POLITICAL EQUATION BECAUSE THEY HAVE TOO MUCH
POWER.
>> YUP.
>> Stephen: WE'RE GOING TO PLAY THIS LITTLE GAME IF YOU'RE
OKAY WITH IT.
>> OKAY.
>> Stephen: DON'T LOOK AT THE PHOTO.
I'LL DESCRIBE THE BILLIONAIRE TO YOU AND SEE IF YOU CAN TELL ME
WHICH ONE IT IS.
>> OKAY.
THE CAMERA.
>> Stephen: NEVER SHOWS EMOTION.
LOOKS LIKE HE CUT HIS OWN BANGS WITH TOW NAIL CLIPPERS.
>> BILL GATES.
( BUZZER ).
>> Stephen: NO.
KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS WILLING TO--
>> ZUCKERBERG.
>> Stephen: ( BELL RINGS )
PERFECT, PERFECT.
LIKE THE UNDERBELLY OF A HAIRLESS CAT.
>> OH, GOSH, THAT'S SO MANY.
>> Stephen: LIKE LEX LUTHER, BUT HE KNOWS MORE ABOUT YOU AND
HE'S LEFT TRUSTWORTHY.
>>E BEZOS.
>> Stephen: THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT.
HE'S SPENDING SO MUCH MONEYO THIS ELECTION RIGHT NOW THIS
MIGHT ACTUALLY BE A COMMERCIAL FOR HIM AND WE DON'T KNOW IT.
>> MIKE BLOOMBERG.
>> Stephen: YES.
I CAN'T BEGIN TOW TELL YOU WHERE HE GOT HIS MONEY OR WHY HE'S
WEARING THAT TIE.
I'M NOT-- >> TOM STEYER.
>> Stephen: YES, OKAY.
( APPLAUSE )
HE SWIMSA A BASEMENT FULL OF GOLD COINS.
HE WEARAISE TOP HAT.
HE'S OWNED BY DISNEY.
HE'S-- PASS, PASS.
( BUZZER ) OH, MY GOAIVE, IT'S SCROOGE-- HE
DOES THE BACKSTROKE AND THE GOLD COINS.
IF ONLY I'D KNOWN.
OF COURSE IT'S SCROOGE McDUCK.
HE DOESN'T WEAR PANTS!
>> >> Stephen: NO, HE DOESN'T
WEAR PANTS.
>> GOT IT.
>> Stephen: WHICH I THINK IS A BILLIONAIRE THING.
>> IT MAY BE.
>> Stephen: REGARDLESS OF WHO THE CANDIDATE IS, DO YOU THINK
THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY WILL UNITE?
>> IT IS ESSENTIAL THAT WE BRING OUR PARTY TOGETHER FOR 2020.
WE CAN'T HAVE A REPEAT OF 2016.
WE CAN'T GO INTO THIS WITH ONE PART OF THE PARTY MAD AT THE
OTHER PART PARTY AND SHOOTING BACK AND FORTH.
( APPLAUSE )
TOGETHER.
AND WE'VE GOT TO RECOGNIZE THAT WHERE WE REALLY NEED TO FOCUS
OUR ENERGY IS WE'VE GOT TO BEAT DONALD TRUMP.
>> Stephen: HOW MANY DEBATES HAVE YOU GUYS DONE NOTICE?
>> 139.
>> Stephen: WHICH MODERATOR IS THE MOST AGGRAVATING, ON A SCALE
OF CHUCK TO TODD?
>> YOU GOT IT.
>> Stephen: SITH CAROLINIANS AND SOUTHERNERS IN GENERAL PRIDE
THEMSELVES ON BEING VERY POLITE.
IF SOMEONE DOWN HERE SAYS SOMETHING DUMB OR UNINFORMED, WE
MIGHT JUST SAY, "BLESS YOUR HEART."
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: "BLESS YOUR HEART."
>> I GOT IT.
>> Stephen: YOU GOT IT.
>> I THINK I'M READY.
>> Stephen: DONALD TRUMP DEFINITELY LEARNED HIS LESSON
FROM THE IMPEACHMENT.
>> BLESS YOUR LITTLE HEART.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: VERY GOOD.
VERY GOOD.
NOW, LET'S IMAGINE THAT I'M A BILLIONAIRE, AND THESE RIBS ARE
MY MONEY.
>> UH-HUH.
>> Stephen: OKAY, I WANT ALL OF MY MONEY.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: IT'S MY MONEY.
THEY'RE MY RIBS.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: I DON'T WANT ANYONE ELSE TO HAVE ANY OF MY
RIBS.
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: HOW MANY OF MY RIBS WOULD YOU TAKE AWAY?
>> IT'S LIKE A LITTLE CORNER RIGHT OFF THE EDGE THERE.
>> Stephen: THAT MUCH?
>> MORNING I'LL GIVE PART OF THAT BACK.
>> Stephen: THAT'S THE BEST PART.
>> I'LL GIVE PART OF THAT BACK.
>> Stephen: I WANT THAT PART-- >> COME ON.
IT'S UNIVERSAL CHILD CARE, YOU JERK!
HERE!
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: NO, I'M GOING TO LICK THEM ALL.
I'M GOING TOW LICK ALL THE RIBS SO NO ONE ELSE CAN HAVE ANY
RIBS.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
WE'LL TAKE THEM ANYWHERE.
THAT'S CANCELLATION OF STUDENT LOAN DEBT FOR 43 MILLION
AMERICANS.
I'M DOING THIS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
DELICIOUS TASTE OF UNIVERSAL CHILD CARE, WE HEADED DOIN TOTE
BAR FOR A DRINK WITH THE VOTERS OF SOUTH CAROLINA.
WHAT DO YOU DRINK?
WHAT'S YOUR POISON?
>> MICHELOB ULTRA.
>> Stephen: MICHELOB ULTRA.
>> COMING RIGHT UP.
>> Stephen: PEOPLE OF SOUTH CAROLINA, WHAT'S YOUR CONCERN
THIS POLITICAL SEASON?
>> JUST MAKING SURE WE CAN GET TRUMP OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE.
>> THAT SEEMS GOOD.
I'M FOR THAT.
YOU WANT TO DO THAT?
LET'S BEAT DONALD TRUMP?
YOU REID?
LET'S DO IT.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN HAVE ONE OF THEM, TOO.
>> ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN HANDLE IT?
>> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW, WE'LL FIND OUT.
>> CHEERS.
>> Stephen: CHEERS.
THAT IS-- >> IT'S CLUB SOAD--S AND BEERS.
>> Stephen: DO YOU KNOW...
DOUGH YOU KNOW THE JOKE?
>> NO, WHAT JOKE?
>> Stephen: ABOUT WHAT'S-- WHY IS MICHELOB ULTRALIKE MIKING
LOAF IN A CANOE?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: ABUSE THEY'RE BOTH ( BLEEP ) CLOSE TO WATER.
>> BLESS YOUR HEART.
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: NICELY DONE.
NICELY DONE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THANK YOU, SENATOR
ELIZABETH WARREN!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JASON SEGEL.