Communicating with people is something that we do all the time and it's so important.
How we approach somebody? How we talk to them?
Because it's going to affect how we make them feel.
And that's also gonna affect what they think of us.
[music]
I used to be somebody who was fairly nervous in social situations.
I feel like I never knew what I needed to say,
and of course we never know how people are perceiving us
That can be nerve-racking.
but one thing I've also noticed is these things are never as scary as we make them out to be in our heads.
So in today's video, we're going to explore a few simple and effective ways
that we can increase our confidence in social interactions
in ways that we can also build more meaningful connections with people.
[music]
One of the most nerve-racking things about social interactions is trying to figure out what we need to say,
And I think sometimes we feel like we have to be super funny and entertaining
in order to be confident and likable
but that's really not the case.
What can actually help to take off a lot of the pressure
is if we don't just talk, but if we listen instead
Asking people to talk about themselves,
encouraging them to keep speaking by asking thoughtful questions.
You see the secret to being interesting is to actually just be interested
but to be interested we have to fully listen.
So this also means,
not interrupting the person when they're talking,
not looking at our phones
or looking over their shoulder at something happening in the distance
cause that can be really distracting to them.
People feel most comfortable around us when we show genuine interest in them
and in the things that they're interested in.
[music]
We tend to subconsciously express how we feel through our body language.
So for feeling a little bit nervous, we tend to kind of close up,
we hunch the shoulders forward,
cross our arms, cross our legs
and that can in response make us actually feel timid
or at least when someone's looking at us,
they're gonna think that we're shy.
But if we open up our stance, standing tall, shoulders back, chin up,
it changes everything, it actually makes us feel more confident.
Smiling is another big one.
It's the first way we tell somebody we like them
and usually a smile is met with a smile. It's contagious.
Smiling also releases chemicals that make us feel happy,
even if we didn't feel that way to begin with,
so it's a win all around
Remember that our emotions are created by motion,
whether that's through physical movements or through our facial expressions.
[music]
One of the biggest drives that we humans have is to feel appreciated
and we tend to like people who share their appreciation with us a little bit more,
and this can be especially important if we're ever sharing feedback with somebody.
Let me give you an example.
When I was working as a dietitian,
it was my job to give people dietary advice
so I would often ask a patient or a client what they generally ate in a day so that I could assess
if their diet was balanced and adequate.
If I had any feedback to give or suggestions for what things might need to be modified,
I actually wouldn't offer it up right away.
First I would tell the person all of the things that they were doing really well.
That tended to make them smile and nod in confirmation
and it would help to build that connection.
Then when I would give my advice they tended to be more open to receiving it.
You see, when we give people feedback,
even if it's positive,
sometimes it can be viewed as criticism which can make people defensive.
So if you want to avoid that, try proceeding it with giving them some genuine praise.
And even if you aren't giving somebody feedback
just sharing your appreciation in general is one of the kindest things that we can do.
[music]
I had always been somebody who said that I was terrible at remembering names.
But because I said that,
I think I gave myself permission to let it become true
like, at some point,
I even stopped trying to remember people's names,
which is not very nice.
But then a few years ago,
I listened to this book on my commute.
It's a book that's now one of my all-time favorites
and was the inspiration for today's video
It's a book called "How to win friends and iInfluence people" by Dale Carnegie
It's not the best title for a book, I'll admit,
but it single-handedly improved the way I communicate with people now,
so I definitely do recommend it.
In the book, Dale mentions the importance of not only remembering people's names
but also actively using it in a conversation when you're talking with them.
A person's name is part of who they are and by saying it we acknowledge them
which makes them feel important
and that helps to build connection as well.
So, I ditched this idea of being bad at remembering names,
and now I actively use a person's name once or twice throughout a conversation
and I've noticed it's helped me remember their names but also helps to build that connection.
but if there's one thing I can recommend try to not overdo this one,
saying their name just once or twice is more than enough.
[music]
Confident and charismatic people tend to have a positive outlook on life,
but even if you're somebody who feels like
you're kind of having this consistently negative attitude,
remember that you can practice maintaining a positive outlook
We can condition our minds even if we don't believe in it at the start.
One thing that might help with this is writing down lists
Lists of our strengths, our achievement
A gratitude list can also help.
We tend to be drawn to people who are passionate, people who radiate positivity
It's like a moth being drawn to a flame.
We want some of that positivity to rub off on us.
And I want to emphasize one of the key messages with these tips is
you want to make sure you do them in a way that's genuine
We all have our down day
So if you're not feeling positive, you don't have to fake it,
just use this tip at your discretion
[music]
On that note if there's something that you can't be positive about
don't be afraid to be vulnerable either
Vulnerability is not a sign of weakness
In fact to think back to the last time that you were courageous
Chances are the last time you did something courageous
was also the last time in which you felt vulnerable
How I see it
Vulnerability is a measure of our courage
being vulnerable doesn't mean putting ourselves down
But it also doesn't mean being afraid to talk about our challenges
I personally noticed that when I've opened up about my challenges
It's helped to strengthen my relationships
it helps people feel like they can let their guard down and connect
So if I can summarize our level of confidence and ability to connect with people
it can happen in many ways through our body language
how we listen? how we communicate?
what we say? Our behavior and so on
It's also incredibly simple,
but I know that I've been guilty of not always putting it into practice
But it's so powerful when we do
I want to take a moment to thank audible for partnering with us on today's video
and if you feel like you want to improve your communication skills even more.
I really recommend Dale Carnegie's book
Which you can get for free
or you can get any other book of your choosing plus a 30-day free membership
if you visit audible.com
forward slash pick up lines or visit the link in the description box below
Audible members now also get one free audiobook per month plus two free audible originals
I think that's it for today
but I do hope that you enjoyed this little bit of moving around the studio
because it gives you a bit of a glimpse into what we've been working hard at here
if you enjoy the video it always shows us a lot of love and appreciation if you give the video a thumbs up
Thanks a lot for watching Pick Up Limes signing off. We'll see you in the next video.
[music]
thanks for watching