Translator: Robert Tucker Reviewer: Denise RQ
Don't worry,
I did not go blank, it was planned,
because today I want to talk to you about dialogue.
Although it's a bit ironic to be talking about dialogue while doing a monologue,
but I still haven't figured out how to do a TEDx talk while dialoguing,
so I'll have to leave that one for the next time.
So, today, I'm going to talk to you about dialogue,
and that's why I started with a silence,
because dialogue starts or grows out of silence.
Dialogue starts by looking at the people that we have in front of us
and trying to understand
what is it that they're already sharing without speaking.
I started my professional journey with deep concern.
I had spent my years in college divided into two worlds:
I spent mornings surrounded by business students at a business school
where their main concern was
to make as much money as possible by the time they would turn 30 or 40.
And I would spend afternoons in the Faculty of Philosophy
surrounded by classmates
who would engage in endless conversations on how to make the world a better place,
how to make it more just, how to make it more liveable.
So, by the time I graduated, I had something very clear:
there was something that had to be done,
or I desperately wanted to do something about it,
because those classmates
that were doing their studies in management
were the ones who would have power in the future,
were the ones who would actually have the chance to decide
what the world would look like in the future.
And back then the only thing they had in mind was to make money,
whereas my classmates in philosophy,
they did have great ideas on how to make the world a better place,
but I somehow knew that they would never have the power to make that real.
So then, my idea was,
"OK, so what if I tried to bring philosophy,
and the concern for society and for justice,
to management schools to raise that awareness
among people who would have power in the future?"
So that's how I started working
on corporate social responsibility, business ethics, teaching, doing research,
and also consulting with companies, with governments.
I spent a few years preaching this idea that you all know,
which is that responsible management
is management that incorporates
the concern for all stakeholders.
So responsible management is not only answering to our shareholders,
but it is trying to understand
what is it that our stakeholders need, expect, what are their interests,
and that implies necessarily engaging in real dialogue with them.
So, I was preaching that for a while, and then after a while I thought,
"Well, this isn't working.
I mean, people seem to agree with the idea,
but the truth is
that when they have to put it into practice, they're actually not doing it."
And then I suddenly had the breakthrough, and it was like,
"Yeah, of course, they're not doing it, because they don't know how to dialogue."
And let's be honest, do you think we know how to dialogue?
Politicians enter a TV set having a certain idea,
and leave the TV set thinking exactly the same.
They entered the TV set as a gladiator that is about to win a battle
against an opponent that is there at the TV set.
It's the same for people who are in roundtables, talk shows;
all of them engage verbally
not trying to understand what the others are about to say,
not trying to learn and to grow from what the others are saying,
but in order to win a battle.
That's actually the kind of message of that we're told all the time:
we live in a competitive society,
life is a zero-sum up game,
you win or you lose, and you have to go about fighting.
You can bid with your business,
but you also compete individually when you engage with someone,
because you have to show the world
that you're smart, and that you can convince others.
That, which is a debate mentality,
is exactly the opposite of what dialogue is.
So at the end of the day,
if our role models today are the people that we see on TV,
we're not having role models on how to dialogue.
So then my idea was,
"OK, if I want to make future managers more responsible,
I will have to help them relearn how to dialogue."
Because I think that it's not that we never knew how to,
it's that we have forgotten, we've lost the habit on how to.
Then the question obviously was,
"Yeah, great, you have to teach how to dialogue,
but the question is how."
Because, yeah, great, it sounds great, but how -
if no one is teaching us?
Then I remembered about this guy that I used to read a lot about,
you know him, he was called the father of philosophy - Socrates.
Socrates spent all his life
walking around and engaging in dialogue with the citizens from Athens.
So much so, that when he was sent to trial
accused of trying to pervert the minds of young people,
and he was given the chance to save his life if he stopped dialoguing,
he said, "No, guys, I'd rather die than stop dialoguing,
than stop engaging with others in dialogue."
So, I thought, he's our guy.
We need to reread, relearn, or listen to his messages.
One of his main messages is that all of us know more than we know,
meaning: the society has made us believe
that we're almost like empty recipients that need to be told, that need to be fed
on what we have to learn, we have to do, etc.
Socrates saw us, saw the human being,
as, I would say, almost the opposite.
All of us here have a great, amazing knowledge inside of us.
The thing is that we need others to help us give birth to that knowledge,
unravel those ideas that we have inside of us.
So, in that sense, if we want to dialogue,
we will have to see the other as somebody who has that potential in them.
And dialogue will be about collaborating,
it'll be about teamwork,
it will be about helping each other
to give birth to those ideas, to that knowledge
that we have without knowing.
So, first of all, talking about the how,
the first thing we have to bear in mind is:
we have that knowledge inside,
and we're not going to compete to become aware of that knowledge,
we have to collaborate,
and we're going to help each other to become more aware of that knowledge.
But that there is also another thing that is very important,
and it is about changing our mindset.
For example, we all have this tendency to judge
whatever is being said by others.
I know you're all judging me - that's fine, I know that -
because we all judge each other all the time.
If we want to dialogue, we will have to stop judging others,
and we will have to start really paying attention
to what is being said,
and feeling compelled
to help the other build their own ideas
that are there, latent, ready to be born.
So that's going to be very important.
But it's also going to be important to connect to that genuine curiosity
that we used to have when we were two or three,
when we kept asking asking why, why, why, all the time,
and our parents were like, "Ah, ya, stop it."
So, go back to that moment where we had that genuine curiosity,
and when we were like Alice in Wonderland,
and the world was full of wonder.
So, that's how we should relate to others:
by connecting to our genuine curiosity, because we all have that.
Also, another tricky thing is
that we will have to stop reacting to what others say
as if it were a threat.
Because remember, if others are a collaborator,
someone who can help us unravel our ideas,
whatever that other is going to say, even if that is making us wrong,
or making it obvious that what we would we just said is silly,
instead of taking that as a threat,
we have to see that that is a tool
that will help us, let's say, uncover all the layers of our knowledge,
and get rid of the first layers that are usually formed by prejudices.
So, in that sense,
whenever someone says something that initially makes us feel bad,
let's think about it, that can be a tool that can help us;
and also let's be flexible,
because we have this tendency to attach to our ideas
as if without them, we were nothing.
Well, ideas don't belong to anybody,
and what is interesting is to improve and make them more sophisticated.
Also, it is important what I told you at the beginning:
to deal with silence without going crazy,
because we have time:
if we want to dialogue, there's no rush, we have to breathe,
and we have to be comfortable with silence.
But, you know what?
Actually, dialogue is about practicing.
I can tell you 1,000 ideas,
but what is more important is that you start to practice.
Start to practice
- and that I would say is relevant, and that needs to be set -
start to practice having something very important in mind and in your body,
which is, if you want to dialogue, you have to trust.
The reason why we're not being able to dialogue today
is because we don't trust each other.
That's why we judge, that's why we react, because we're trained to debate,
we're trained to fight, and we see others as a threat.
If we want a dialogue,
the basis, what we need to do, whatsoever, otherwise it's not going to happen,
is trust others.
Of course, it takes courage,
because dialoguing means opening up,
means sharing your ideas and sharing your feelings.
And we don't know what the other is going to do
with our thoughts and with our feelings.
But, if we want to dialogue,
we'll have to admit and have that leap of faith,
because otherwise it's not going to happen.
And then you might say,
"Yeah, but come on, I mean, I'm fine the way I am.
Why should I need to open up
and then expose myself to the threat of others?
I'm fine, I'm comfortable.
I don't need to open up, I don't need to dialogue."
Well, I'll give you two reasons why it does make sense to dialogue.
The first one is social.
Socrates used to say that evil always comes out of ignorance.
And I would like to qualify that idea.
To me evil comes out of ignorance of the other.
If we're trained to debate, which means if we're trained to fight,
we're not being able to see the other,
we're not being able to understand
what is it that the other is feeling, experiencing,
because we're about to fight.
If we start to open up,
and see the other as a person, complex, with feelings, and with everything,
it'll be much harder for us to hurt, to do evil,
because we're going to be able to put ourselves in their shoes,
and then understand or feel the harm that we're about to provoke.
And that, at least, is going to reduce a little bit
the evil that is caused in the world.
I've seen that in jail.
I've been, in the last years, practicing dialogue in jail.
You cannot imagine how tough inmates are in terms of dialoguing,
because they don't trust anybody.
They admit along the way
that they haven't been able to dialogue
not only because they don't trust anybody
but because they grew up in an environment
where there was no trust, where nobody trusted them,
and very young, they learned that they couldn't trust anybody.
Once they understand
- while dialoguing with law students and with other groups -
that by opening up, engaging in dialogue, and by trusting
they regain hope in the world,
and they understand the harm that they created,
that creates a mental and emotional shift.
So, why to engage in dialogue?
Because if you are, if we are, concerned about the future of the world,
and we want to reduce evil,
dialogue is a powerful tool to reduce evil.
But I'm also going to give you a personal, more individual reason.
I guess you all want to be happy.
Aristotle used to say that happiness means, or is, flourishing;
meaning a happy person is a person that has been able to flourish,
to develop all the potential that they have inside of them.
If our life is about competing, about debating,
we will not have the time and space
to grow the potential that we have in ourselves,
and therefore, according to Aristotle, we will never be able to be happy.
Hannah Arendt, the German philosopher,
had this beautiful metaphor;
she said, "Every time a baby is born in the world,
there's hope that a new world is going to grow."
So the idea is that not only that baby is born in a world that is new to them,
but that those babies have the potential to build a new world.
Those babies are only going to have the potential, the possibility
to build that new world
if we give them the chance, if we give them the space and the time.
If instead of growing, competing, and being in a constant battle,
they have the chance to engage in dialogue with each other,
and they can see others and trust others
as people who are going to help them
to grow that new world that they have in them.
Before I leave, I want to share a secret with you.
Every day when you wake up in the morning,
you are that newborn.
You are that newborn that is born in a world that is new to them.
You are the newborn who has the power to choose
whether you want to trust,
to develop, and help others develop,
and therefore, make the world something new,
make the world a better place.
(Applause)