- How can we communicate with more empathy?
That's the topic that we're gonna hit in this video.
I would say empathy is the most powerful concept
that we can embrace
if we want to connect better with other people,
so let's get into those details.
(lively music)
Hello there and welcome back.
I'm Alex Lyon and if we haven't met yet,
this channel is called Communication Coach
because we are here to help people probably like you,
emerging leaders in your professional setting
to give you good, professional development advice
especially on the topic of leadership and communication.
And in this video we're going
to talk about empathy.
So, how much empathy do you naturally have for other people?
How able are you to understand where they are coming from
in the moment?
This one concept is one of the most powerful concepts
that we can use, we really embrace it
to change the way we interact with other people
for the better.
So, several weeks ago,
I was going through McDonald's drive-through
ordering my Egg McMuffin,
it's like the one item that's my weakness
at McDonald's and I pulled up to the cashier
and he had amazing customer service.
I'll call him "John."
Put that in quotes, not his real name.
John had amazing customer service,
the way he talked to me,
the way he looked at me, it really felt genuine,
not like a robot, not like he's trying
to move me along and get rid of me,
it really felt special
and I told him, I said "John,
"I just want you to know,
"you have amazing customer service
"and every time I interact with you, you're amazing."
And he said, "You know what?
"It really, thank you, first of all, thank you,"
he said, "It really comes down to empathy."
He just nailed it.
He knew.
Cashier drive-through, he knew empathy.
So, let's talk a little bit about what empathy means
and then we'll boil it down to some ways
that it shapes your communication like it did with John.
First of all, empathy is understanding
the other person's feelings.
When you're able to put yourself in their shoes,
take on their point of view
and take their perspective
on the world and on the moment,
you're going to understand their feelings,
you're gonna be able to connect
with what they are experiencing in that moment
much more effectively.
There's a famous writer
and speaker named Brene Brown
and she talks a lot about empathy
especially the difference between empathy and sympathy.
And she says, "Sympathy divides people."
sympathy says to someone else,
oh you poor thing
and it pushes them away a little bit in that way.
But empathy has the opposite effect.
Empathy is where you actually feel
what they're feeling, you enter their world
whether it's a difficult or negative emotion
or a positive and happy emotion
and I think this is something worth exploring for a second.
A lot of times when we think of empathy,
we think of what are people's struggles,
and what are people going through
in that negative sense?
And certainly that's what's counseling about
and as a leader, you have to be in touch
with people's difficulties
but empathy is also entering their positive emotions
and feeling what they're feeling,
celebrating their successes with them,
sharing their joy,
that can really connect you with other people as well.
So, let's talk about three ways
that communicating with empathy shapes your communication
with other people.
And it certainly shaped my interaction
with John, the guy at McDonald's.
First of all, we have more compassion
in our communication when we empathize.
So, I could really tell
that as a employee, John cared about me.
As silly as it sounds,
he's communicating to me
in non-verbals, with eye contact,
with a caring expression,
and his verbal messages,
the tiny little word choices
that show you he sees you
and he understands what you're going through right now.
It's really in the morning,
he knows it's hard
and he was just connecting with me.
So, he had much more compassion in his communication
because he empathized.
The second way is that we will shape our messages
a little differently
when we have the other person's perspective in mind.
So, now I'm not just communicating saying what's on my mind
but I'm thinking about how this might land
and connect with you as I communicate it,
so I'm tailoring my message in a way
that's gonna meet you where you are.
And so, that's really what happened
through the drive-through.
Even though I might have been the 50th
or 100th person that came through the drive-through
that morning, I really felt
like I was the first customer
to come through because it was my first time coming through.
John knows this and so, he's talking to me
like it's my first experience.
He's not treating me like he's already talked
to 100 people.
He's treating me like this is the first customer
of the day and he's happy to see me
and he cares about my order.
So, that's one of the ways that empathy will change
the way you interact with people.
You will shape your messages
with the other person in mind.
And the third way is that our messages
are much more likely to connect,
so if it's built around connecting
with the other person and where they are,
your messages will end up hitting the target,
you won't be out of touch or tone deaf
in the way you communicate with people.
You'll communicate with them to where they are
and you're much more likely to connect in that way.
And so, John at the drive-through again did this
in lots of ways.
His facial expression, non-verbals,
everything he said, he made me feel
like we were two people, two human beings connecting
and talking, even if it was very brief
rather than a worker and a customer.
We were just outside of our roles a little bit more,
those narrow roles of customer and worker
to one person talking to another person
and that's what empathy feels like,
when you transcend those narrow, professional roles
that you feel stuck in sometimes,
empathy will break you out of that
and then you connect person to person.
So, in terms of application,
I would like you to think
about the interactions that you have
that could use more empathy
and I would love to read you comments in that section
below the video.
Where do you need more empathy in your life?
What kinds of interactions feel robotic
or mechanical that could use a little more empathy?
Because I'm telling you,
if we can do this in a drive-through situation
where the clock is literally ticking,
and there's room for empathy even there,
I think there's room for empathy
in a lot more interactions
than we might be considering,
so I'd love to hear your feedback,
your thoughts on that in that question below the video.
So, thanks, God bless and I will see you soon.