hey vanity fair it's chelsea handler
today i'm going to be teaching you new
jersey slang
but since i haven't lived there in about
25 years
i'm not sure that i'm gonna know these
phrases so i'm going to interpret what i
think they should mean
new jersey slang with chelsea handler
that's me
down the shore well literally it means
just going down the shore
to the part of new jersey like belmar
spring lake you know where people get
really wasted
like that show jersey shore i grew up
going to martha's vineyard
when i was a little girl and my parents
protected me from the jersey shore but i
went down there like when i was 18 or 19
and i realized why it was better just to
avoid the area altogether
there's some really shady that happens
down there
benny is a derogatory term for people
from different parts of new jersey that
people aren't so
into and so if you come in from one of
those areas i won't name them
because i don't want to be reduced to
their level they call you a benny it's
like coming into the city from new
jersey it's equivalent to that
but it's within new jersey everyone
always wants to keep someone else down
okay should be i would say that's short
for a shidoobi
which is my personal word for going to
the bathroom number two style
i don't like when people reference going
to the bathroom number two so i like
code words for everything
so should do be is a shoeby if you're in
a real
rush a pork roll
pork roll that could be a sexual term or
it's a breakfast item that you get in
south jersey
south jersey is when you get into the
really funny accents where they say like
pantyhose
and it starts to sound like you're in
philadelphia a pork roll is like it
comes with some breakfast items too but
you you
want to steer clear of all of these
things
disco fries i think these mean diner
fries
where you go out with your girlfriends
and then go to the diner once
everybody had enough to drink and get
those really thick steak cheese fries
with mozzarella cheese and then
and you dip them in gravy those were
some of the best nights of my life
the city is new york that's new york
that's when you want to go into the city
i mean
this is pretty self-explanatory
jug handle jug handle is either
breasts that wrap around some some do
wrap around
or it's i think it could also be a term
for
something not a cul-de-sac but a
cul-de-sac in a city like a circle
what would normally be called a rotary i
think is a jug handle but i'm not sure
okay i'm not a city planner
hoagie that's easy a hoagie is like a
sub you
get all these that you wanna you
can have a meatball hoagie you can have
like a provolone and ham hoagie anything
on a big sub is called a hoagie and i
don't know why
we had to make up that word it's kind of
like doobie if you have a hoagie you're
going to take a doobie
so a tomato pie is quite
literal this isn't really slang because
it is what it is it's a
pizza but with no cheese it's just
tomato sauce it's like if you're making
a pizza
and halfway through you give up
a ripper is something that will rip
through your system
it's a deep fried hot dog and
all of these things are very easy to
find in new jersey deep fried things if
you go down to like the boardwalk in new
jersey
you will find things that are fried that
you've never seen before
and a hot dog should definitely not be
one of them and that's why i haven't
been back
the boss that's bruce springsteen and as
far as i'm concerned
he is the boss everybody loves bruce
springsteen but people are obsessed with
bruce springsteen
obsessed and those people can be
extremely annoying
ac that's atlantic city and i've had a
lot of experiences in atlantic city my
fondest experience was
waking up at a blackjack table with my
eye shades on after my friends had
dragged me back
out of my room and i was up 500 and
hadn't remembered a thing
i've never spent a long amount of time
in atlantic city because
just like vegas you want to get in and
out before anything too dicey happens if
you catch my drift
jersey slide jersey slide is like a
reference to traffic and my father who
was a used car dealer and a terrible
driver
did this quite often this is when you
cut across a traffic lane without
signaling or letting anyone know and
cutting in front of cars i also picked
that up from him because apparently it's
genetic
i'm a terrible driver nobody will drive
with me because of the jersey slide i do
it to the right too but this is if
you're doing it to the left
the boards the boards i don't know what
the boards are but i would say that that
is related
somehow to the boardwalk of atlantic
city that's probably new jersey's way of
like shortening the boardwalk and saying
let's go to the boards
that's exactly what it is actually now
that i'm saying it out loud that's
exactly what it is
exit okay exit is what people love to
say to you when you say i'm from new
jersey in the wood exit
and then you say off it's just like
you know everyone lives off the turnpike
at some point so you people are like oh
exit 16
but it's a very bro way of talking so no
women
are talking like that okay and let's
keep it that way girls
okay mutts is mozzarella and in new
jersey they have the buffalo mozzarella
so it come
i mean it's in from buffalo well who
knows where it's from it might be from
an actual buffalo i think it is it's not
from buffalo new york it's from a
buffalo
but they like to call it mutts so they
always go you want a fresh plate of
mutts because there's a lot of italians
in new jersey so they have a lot of
abbreviations for a lot of food items if
you haven't picked up on that
so far there's a lot of jewish people
and a lot of italian people and we're
basically the same kind of people
okay mac machine that's an atm machine
we call it the mac machine
i didn't realize how many different
phrases we have but i guess that's
state by state new jersey devil it's two
parts of
two different animals one is a bat and i
don't know what the other one is maybe a
billy goat
i'm not positive but there is a team
called the new jersey devils and i
believe that they play soccer
wawa wawa is like a 7-eleven where you
go in and you get your
ding-dongs or devil dogs devil dogs is
another thing that comes from new jersey
so maybe the devil was referring to
devil dogs which are these great creamy
little chocolate sandwiches
but that's for another episode of this i
guess
fat sandwich this is disgusting this is
a sandwich that has
euro meat chicken fingers and french
fries
on a sandwich and probably some other in
a bun
first of all if i want to have chicken
finger i don't want it in a bun i want
it
a la cart i like to focus on one item at
a time i don't like
heavy meated sandwiches like that and
this is one of the reasons i left new
jersey
okay jersey mike's obviously the new
jersey's obsessed with subs
they're obsessed with hoagies and subs
and bread they want to stuff
anything they can into a pocket of bread
and then
suck it down diners are big in new
jersey this is where you go to get your
french fries late at night
this is where everyone goes to eat late
at night in new jersey they don't serve
alcohol so
it's probably for the best because by
the time everybody shows up there at two
in the morning
no one should be drinking and everybody
already has been this is where you also
get like your pastrami sandwiches
your corned beef sandwiches you always
can get that at a diner and they just
have the best steak fries i need more
steak fries in my life i don't like
these thin little fries or in and out
burger fries
and mcdonald fries this is where it's at
for french fries
you got that water
water is the way that people think that
people from new jersey say water
i don't say water but i do know people
who say that and they're from south
jersey specifically
jbj i have a feeling that stands for jon
bon jovi
because he is the patron saint of new
jersey he's a very nice guy i've met him
multiple times
he's very sweet axel rose opened for
john by joey at the very first concert i
ever went to
when you went to high school when i went
to high school john majovi was the only
person that you listened to and you had
to pick one member of the band
whose marriage you wanted to break up so
i picked him
parkway this is the new jersey parkway
the guard sorry
it's the garden state parkway and that's
something that people forget
new jersey's the garden state which
means it's lush and verdant
and it's rural and it has beautiful
areas of new jersey
but for some reason people only want to
talk about the parkway
and the turnpike and they're forgetting
the beauty of new jersey so i'm here
to remind you that new jersey produces
beautiful things
well i hope you learned a lot about new
jersey and i want you to remember new
jersey's more than
the show the jersey shore and stds we
have lots of things to offer you guys
okay
a lot of good edge comes out of new
jersey and a lot of bad style