Hi, welcome to Sorted.
We're a bunch of mates in London looking for exceptional things
in the food world that will help make our
and your life that little bit better between stitching
each other up in innuendos.
Now be warned, we have two chefs,
but we give them limited air time.
And we make sure all of our ideas
start with a suggestion from you.
Gooey in the middle, baby, let me bake.
Hello, everyone.
I'm Mike.
This is Ben.
And today--
We are doing another version of something you absolutely love,
where I go shopping, buy some pretentious ingredients,
and see what we're going for.
I get angry.
I know you've not done one of these before,
so you don't know how this works.
What do you need to start facing the other way,
and then we will tell you to spin around.
Oh, my goodness.
This, pretentious--
I know.
Definitely.
It's a powder.
Who knew?
It smells fishy almost.
I'm going to taste it.
I'm going to lick it.
It's some sort of seasoning.
Wow.
It's really earthy and almost like mushroomy.
It's mushroom and meat, so it's umami.
I'm the chef.
I make umami.
Me, me, me.
Savor it like mom's--
Moms.
Just like moms.
Mom.
Mike, you have a very, very good tongue.
I'm so sorry about him.
I hate being in this seat already.
It's a little pot.
Oh.
Umami.
A pot of umami--
I thought umami is a taste like sweet, salty, bitter.
What would you sprinkle it on?
I don't know.
I guess you put it in, like, stews.
Because of the name, I'm instantly
drawn towards umami burger.
Also, I must appreciate it, the fork and the chopsticks--
chopsticks for aesthetics, forks for functionality.
These things again-- why are you doing this to me?
I gave you a fork as well.
I know, but obviously I can't use the fork
because people are going to judge me for using the fork.
And they're going to judge me for using the chopsticks badly.
You eat quite a lot, I feel.
So would you-- do you think you'd use it like a salt
and pepper type seasoning?
I wouldn't season stuff at the table.
I'm trying to season it, as I'm picking it.
I don't think I could live with myself if I brought that
to the table, and I sat there with someone and just went--
I'm just going to sprinkle some umami on this.
Having tasted it and having it tasted on there,
I'm not sure whether it's actually strong enough.
I think I could season that better myself.
And how much do you reckon that little pot was?
Dread to think--
4 pounds, 15.
I would because I'm an idiot, and I watched Martha chef
pay 6 pounds, 50 for that.
That's pretty damn close.
Close.
It's really close.
6 pounds, 70.
6-- 20 off, OK.
Whose house do you think would have
that in their kitchen cupboard?
What?
This is for wannabe hobbyist chefs.
Barry Taylor.
This guy.
So pretentious or not?
100% pretentious.
I think that's the most pretentious thing I've seen.
Oh, and we're just getting started.
It's like I'm doing the triple jump.
Right, now go with that beat and spin around at the same time.
Oh, what?
These are going to sound so pretentious, I
can tell already, because kettle chips are already
a bit like, oh wow, you've got two friends coming round.
Bust out the kettle chips and hummus.
Crunch.
Oh dear.
I got a proper crunch.
They taste fishy.
I mean, they're not awful.
I don't dislike them.
Would you-- would you drink some with champagne--
a few Bellinis, some sour cream--
Oh no.
And?
Caviar or something?
Is it caviar crisps?
These are caviar crisps.
These are ridiculous.
I don't even really taste--
they taste a bit fishy.
They don't taste of caviar.
I'm not saying it's horrible, but it
tastes like a really salted crisp with a hint of fish that
doesn't taste enough like anything
for it to even warrant being on this delicious tree trunk.
How much for a bag like that?
They're crisps.
It can't be like 4 pounds, 3 pounds, 4 pounds?
I think if you're-- if these are even in your hand,
then you're already an idiot.
5 pounds and 50 pence.
You could pick up almost two bags for that.
3 pounds, 95 a bag.
So coming up to the big question, pretentious?
These are so pretentious.
These are absolutely pretentious.
To me, the definition of pretentious
is something that you do or buy in order
to impress, regardless of whether it's actually
a good product.
Meow, meow, meow, turn around.
How was that?
Oh, generic powder.
Which is considered oatless and tasteless.
Good test.
I feel like I'm going to be throwing in this, aren't I?
James is going to guess his first time.
It's weird.
It tastes fatty.
I don't know what is.
I can't even tell you that taste of anything, really.
This is true collagen. Collagen is the most abundant protein
in your body and is essential for nourishing your joints
and providing your skin with strength and elasticity.
It's 100% hydrolyzed grass-fed bovine collagen.
So the great thing about this is, because it's hydrolyzed,
it will absorb into cold liquids, as well.
Oh, my gosh.
OK, two to four teaspoons.
I'd put four in just in case.
Did it say two to four tablespoons?
Yeah, I'm looking haggard, so I'm going four.
In terms of taste and stuff like, it's fine.
I can drink it.
It's delicious.
You can't take-- put it this way, four teaspoons
of that has not ruined it.
Whether or not it's actually going to work, I don't know.
Would you add a powder like this into your drinks
to try and make you look younger?
You know like when you workout and stuff,
and you do take protein supplements?
No.
No, I'm telling you.
Right.
Because clearly, I don't know.
It depends on which part you work out,
so do I need to workout?
Like, do I need to--
Look at your skin more.
It looks expensive.
It looks really expensive.
How much would you pay for that, Tom?
How much would I pay, because I wouldn't.
I absolutely would not buy that ever.
10 pounds, 10, 10, 11.99.
18 pounds.
27 pounds.
What!
What?
You are right.
It looks so expensive.
Oh, my goodness.
That is 27 pounds.
Oh!
I don't know enough about the science,
but I'd never pay that.
I wouldn't pay 10 for that-- let alone, 27.
Pretentious or not?
And this is the most difficult one.
It looks pretentious, and that's why I like it.
I don't feel that this is pretentious.
I just feel like this is not useful.
You've got a sexy back, yes, but I'd
like to see your front, yep.
Oh, it's not a powder.
I know what this is.
I know what this is, and it's amazing if I'm right.
Are you right?
Is he right?
This is tea, and you cover it in hot water,
and you make sure you put it in a glass glass.
And it literally grows as the hot water unravels it.
It, like, unravels and grow into a thing.
This is a tea flower.
This is a 1,000 Year Red Giant Flowering Tea Bulb.
These are amazing.
A minimum of 24 liters of tea, already it's worth it.
Whatever it is, it's worth it.
Are you into your wanky teas?
Yeah, I'd like a taste.
Yeah.
Need to brew three to five minutes with hot water
throughout the day.
This is slightly unfolding now.
I've already set up.
It's mine.
I bought it.
I was going to say, how much would you
be prepared to pay for that pot, which we counted,
had nine bulbs in it.
20 pounds.
10 pounds.
That is 19 pounds, 95 for that pot,
which makes it 2 pound, 20 a bulb.
OK.
I think tea is one of the things that is actually worth
paying money for.
This is so pretentious, because I'm only buying this,
so that I could show people what it does.
It's not like, you know--
But it looks like a dust mite, at the moment.
I'm going to poke it.
I mean, from what I did earlier.
I don't think it gets much more exciting than that.
Really?
Oh, is that it.
That is it, isn't it?
I'm gutted about that.
Now, based on the good taste awards,
what does it taste like?
I don't care.
It's very subtle.
It's not at all bitter, which is nice
because green tea is quite often bitter.
It's actually really nice.
It's quite fresh, and it's grassy.
And it's green tea, but it's probably very good for you.
I am just disappointed, because I've seen
ones that look a lot better.
I don't feel like tea pretends to be a super food.
It's just sometimes green tea is kind of given that title,
but it's not pretending to be anything.
It's just saying what it is.
It's quoting the benefits, but it's just tea, and it's nice.
So I don't think it's really that pretentious.
I mean, I could just go home and put some in the bath.
James, James, James, please turn around.
Well, Mike, Mike, turn it around.
I said, Mike, Mike, turn it around and lift that cloche
and see what's there.
It looks like it could be chocolate,
and I'm hoping it is.
Yeah, like spice-- spiced hot chocolate.
You know there is something weird in that.
Oh, I can see it.
It's got a gold leaf.
It's like Aztec hot chocolate.
Boom.
What!
What?
You can read your own label.
Read it aloud.
The Aztecs?
I am such a good chef.
Look at that little pretentious smile on his face.
I'm so happy with myself.
Gold dust, saffron, pistachio, and cardamom--
oh, you can taste the cardamom, and that tastes amazing.
It might-- this is 23 carat gold drinking chocolate.
It doesn't really look that appetizing with the gold in it.
This saffron and the cardamom right at the end comes very--
and it's really chocolaty, milky obviously, warm, and delicious.
But it's interesting, at the end,
you get, like, the bit of saffron in it,
and the cardamom comes right at the end.
You go, wow, that tastes complex, and I enjoy that.
Is it worth pointing how many servings you get from that jar?
25 grams would be, like, five servings or something.
Oh, you do the math, because it's a 140 gram portion.
Does that annoy you as much as it annoys me?
What?
That's just ridiculous.
I hate that.
Why?
You'll finish it down to the very
last of what you think is a portion,
and there won't be enough.
And you'll go--
I have to get more.
So in your penultimate portion, you look at it, and go,
I need more of that, otherwise that last bit's wasted.
And then it's just an endless cycle.
How much would you pay for that little tub of 23 carat
gold drinking chocolate?
Oh, you've been looking forward to this bit.
And that could last a couple of months,
if you just have one every now and then as a treat,
and I'd probably pay 5 pounds for that.
12 pounds, 50.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm happy to say it is seven--
teen pounds and 95 pence.
You can get nice drinking chocolate
for significantly less than that.
It's a shame because it tastes delicious,
but it is not something-- it's just not worth it,
absolutely not.
Is 23 karat gold drinking chocolate pretentious or not?
It's pretentious-- 100% pretentious.
If you liked that, give it a like.
If you want to see more of those videos,
and you want to send Ben shopping again,
give the video a like and comment you like it.
So we were on a roll with these dad jokes.
Jamie's not here at the moment, and Ben's
taking over the reins.
The average Jewish man prefers tea Hebrews himself.
I don't even know.
As we mentioned, Sorted is just run by a group of friends,
so if you like what we're doing then
there are loads of ways that you can support us and get
more involved.
Everything you need to know is linked below.
Is it pretentious, or is it not?
How much do you think it's worth?
Will that change your opinion?