(stuttering) Welcome to the sea- welcome-
Shit, can we do it again?
Hold on.
Welcome to the season finale of "The Bachelorette".
Let's go back to when we first met our contestants.
Good evening, and welcome to "The Bachelorette".
I am your host, Christina.
This season we have the wonderful Lele Pons,
who's earned all of her inheritance from her parents
and has done JACK shit for herself.
I'm sorry, before we get started, you-
what the fuck are you doing here?
Get the fuck out.
Alright. Get the fuck out.
Alright, so let's go to our first contestant!
You- Tarzan.
*whispers* I got him on Craigslist.
("Tarzan") I'm Brock.
(Lele) WOAH WOAH WOAH, PUT ME DOWN!
-Come here. (Inanna) Yeah, I'm good.
I'm good.
-I'm so stupid!
*weird grunt/yell*
Next!
Aidan.
*whispers* He's mine
Okay, that's enough Aidan. You can go now.
Next, we have David.
-David. David!
(David) Bitch! *Both start squealing*
He's my best friend! -Yes.
I love him!
(David) I love this dress, the men here are SO hot. -Thank you! Thanks... I know right?
Ugh! We need to go shopping!
(Inanna) Yes, I love this jacket! -Umph!
(David) Thank you!
(Lele) I'm not dating a gay guy.
(Inanna) Why? He can be your best friend.
(Lele) Okay! But- whatever.
Alright, Trae, you're next.
(Trae) ♪ I can't feel my face when I'm with you! ♪ *voice cracked and very off-key*
Alright! Relax there pal,
this is "The Bachelorette", not "American Idol".
Stop.
*continues singing* oooohh
Alright.
Alright, NEXT!
Last, but certainly not LEAST,
we have the wonderful Brian,
*whispers* which is my favourite.
Hi. -Hey.
WOah! Woah!
Oh, awesome.
I'm Christina.