(digital beeping)
- How badly do you want to have sex?
Very badly. Very, very, very badly.
(keyboard typing) (mellow music playing)
- This is gonna be interesting.
- How do you define virginity?
It's really making me think here.
- If we're talking, like, heteronormative?
- It's so complicated.
(laughing) The penis and vagina.
- I may feel like a two-year-old
talking about this right now.
- Penetrative sex, whether that be
dick, tongue, toy kind of thing.
- You know, that's actually an interesting question,
because if you read the technical definition,
I'm pretty sure it says even oral sex
is considered losing your virginity,
and even kissing can be considered losing your virginity.
- Whatever you consent to is pretty much
what defines your own virginity.
- I'm a man of faith, so I'm a believer.
I definitely see sex as a responsibility.
Abstinence even goes further to that,
even looking at a girl lustfully
and looking at a girl in a sexual manner,
just keeping your eyes pure.
- How badly do you want to have sex?
Very badly. Very, very, very badly.
- I mean, I'm a teenager, but I'm not a horny teenager.
- I just never had the need or want, to be honest.
I haven't done anything. I haven't had a boyfriend,
I haven't even had my first kiss. I'm not in a rush.
- On the scale of how horny am I, I'm not that horny,
but it definitely needs to happen.
Definitely needs to happen.
- It's something I get to look forward to,
and so once that moment happens,
it's going to be really amazing.
I hear that there's like an attachment,
and I don't want to gain that attachment
when I'm not ready for it.
I've seen actually a lot of drama from it, too.
Me, I'm like, "Pshh. I ain't trying
to get a part of that drama." You know? (laughing)
- I feel like the only times I really actually
think about romantic relationships or sex,
is when I see it in a movie, and it's like,
"Aw, look at that." Then I'm on the couch by myself,
and I'm like, "Oh, that would be nice."
- Why are you a virgin?
Straight up, it's that it just hasn't happened to me,
in natural progression of life.
- I grew up in a Christian family
that believes in abstinence.
If I have sex, I'll go to hell,
so that's the only time I ever heard about it.
- Yes, I love Jesus, but also, I completely know
I'm gonna be a freak when I lose my virginity,
and I don't wanna unleash on anyone who's not my husband.
I'm just saying. (laughing)
- I was always scared to, just because my parents
were really young when they had me,
so it was just something that I didn't want to repeat.
- Me and my twin were assaulted,
so I am a bit more careful about it, I guess, in a sense.
I guess I am the way I am
because I've been through what I've been through.
- I'm a Christian, and I think a large part of my life
I believed that pre-marital sex was a sin.
I'm in this middle stage where I'm trying to figure it out,
and reading books and having conversations with people.
As people, I think, are doing more research into that,
they're realizing that what they believed to be condemned
isn't exactly condemned.
- It says, "Have you ever had an orgasm?"
I'm a guy, you know. I fall short.
- Do I have to answer? Can I skip this? (laughing)
- No, I have not, which I guess is probably why
I'm so anxious about that, because I've never done that.
- In school growing up, people would always make fun
of those people who were masturbating all the time,
so I thought it was something stupid,
so I honestly never did it until I was 18-years-old.
- I don't think I actually knew what I was doing, though.
I just knew that I would do something,
and it would feel really good, and I was like,
"I should do that more," (laughing)
- So, my mom offered to buy me my first vibrator.
She was like, "Hey, so I know you're older,
and you're independent, and you have needs.
Please try to make sure it's not $200,
but I'll buy you your first vibrator."
Yeah, so she's amazing.
- Would you rather your first time
be with a virgin or someone experienced?
Well, I haven't thought about that.
- Preferably, someone with experience.
- I mean, I feel like one of us
should know what we're doing, right?
- I feel like I'm fine either way.
I don't know, I think there's the whole insecurity thing.
I would constantly be comparing myself
to that other person's past partners,
or I would be thinking, "Am I doing this right?"
- Honestly, I'd rather my first time
be with another virgin, just so I could feel comfortable
that we don't know what we're doing.
- I think it's more about the person, you know?
If you really are in love with them,
or you really have a connection with them,
it shouldn't matter.
- Are you ever embarrassed about being a virgin?
I feel like the older I get,
I'm already 22, so it's kind of weird,
but I'm not going to lie,
I do get embarrassed about it sometimes, yeah.
- There's a stigma against virgins, right?
That you're awkward or you're weird
or there's something wrong with you.
You can't make eye contact, you can't hold a conversation.
While I don't exude any of those things, that's not me,
it's been my experience when I have
gone on dates in the past where they will take the time
to get to know me and see my glowing personality.
Then they find out this piece,
I think a very small piece about me,
and all of the sudden, my entire being
is framed by that one thing.
- I try to set my expectations up front,
and initially, they're like, "Okay, I respect that."
But the longer the relationship goes on,
they try to pressure you.
I did have this one guy call me in the middle of the night
for five hours to tell me that Christianity wasn't real,
God isn't real, that I was being ridiculous.
Yeah, that ended. (laughing)
- It's so awkward. Sometimes, if there are people around,
you just try and brag all the time,
kind of bragging about how many times I've had sex.
I don't even want to explain to them why,
so it's better to just hit that white lie,
"Yeah, I've had sex."
They're probably not going to question--
I think they would question it more if you told them
you were a virgin than if you just lie
and told them you're not a virgin.
- Whenever we would be at a party or something like that,
"Oh, you're the virgin. You're the goody good."
I think over time, I embraced it. It's one of those things
that once you get to a certain point, I'm 29.
Shoot, if I can get to the 40-year-old virgin type thing,
I'm cool with it.
- Have you had the chance to lose your virginity,
but chose not to?
Yes, I've had the chance.
- Yeah, I've had a chance to.
- No. Yeah.
- No. I wasn't social and just very bad at talking to people
I'm also very oblivious to flirting.
- There's always just those people that slide into your DMs,
and are like, "Hey, you wanna have sex with me?"
I'm like, "Stranger. Go away. No."
- Yes, yes. It was there, and something just told me
it's just not worth it.
- (laughing) It was after winter formal,
and I made out with this guy.
He finished, and he wanted to continue and stuff,
but I was just like, "You know, I'm okay."
- Not really, because a lot of those chances
are a party situation or you're drunk, they're drunk.
It's not like it was a romantic situation,
where it was super intimate and you just missed out
because you were scared.
I really don't feel like I missed out in those scenarios.
- Do you watch porn?
When I was younger, it was Tumbler porn,
and it was, "This is like-- is anybody watching?
Close my door, lock my door.
Make sure no one knows this is happening."
Then be like, "Oh my gosh."
- It's so awkward. I'm like,
"These people are doing it on camera."
- I don't watch porn now, but I think there was
a big part of my life, everyday, watching porn.
I think it did get to the point of addiction.
This constant reminding of,
"This is really bad. This is really bad,"
and you beat yourself up about it.
You're not telling anybody about it, because you just assume
that none of your friends are watching porn.
Porn is also something where even I'm rethinking a lot.
When I more lean towards, "I don't know if porn is bad,"
my viewpoint shifted, I just--
There wasn't anything I was fighting anymore,
so I just stopped watching porn.
- I feel like if you can differentiate
that porn isn't real life from the fact that it is,
like porn is strictly an entertainment thing.
As long as you're consuming in moderation,
it shouldn't be a problem.
- Are you afraid for your first time?
Yeah, totally. Me and someone else
just being that intimate with each other
and revealing that much of yourself to someone else
is just intimidating.
- I am not because if I trust this person,
then I shouldn't have a reason to be afraid.
- I'm afraid of it not meeting my expectations.
I think since I've had so long to fantasize about it,
I have all these visions of like,
"Oh my gosh, we're gonna be on satin sheets
with rose petals and candles."
I think I've amped it up a lot in my head.
- I'm afraid I'm not gonna get any pleasure out of it,
because there's the huge stereotype is
pleasure for the guy, and the girl doesn't get anything.
I'm pansexual, and if I do end up having a male partner,
and that happening, that would really suck.
- I did hear from friends that it's not
gonna be very pleasant, and I know it's gonna be awkward.
That's why I hope it's with the right person
just so we can laugh it off afterward.
- I see myself after the wedding,
where it's going back to the room,
and then there's this special moment where--
Actually, this is actually something that I think
is going to be really surprising for a lot of people,
is I actually want to pray.
This is going to be crazy, this is going to sound crazy.
I think it would be a beautiful, beautiful thing
to be able to actually pray.
It sounds crazy, but I think it's so beautiful. (laughing)
(mellow music) (keyboard typing)