- In this episode of Cold Email Teardowns,
I'm gonna take you into the Spam box
and show you the right way
to send people free information,
and the best way to start with that
is to show you the wrong way.
So, here is one email that we have, that we're looking at.
Gonna tear it down today and see what we can improve.
So, let's take this email,
and first, put it into a Google Doc so we can play with it.
Here we are.
The first thing I wanted to draw your attention to,
or the first thing to think about here
is what are you trying to accomplish with this email?
That's the first question you should have,
really, with any email campaign.
The goal of this email, which is in Spam,
most likely because it looks a hell of a lot
like a spam email with all this caps and all of these links,
is to send this LinkedIn funnel checklist.
By the way, when you click this link,
it goes to a landing page and has an email capture.
So, if their goal is to build their email list,
there's no reason to send this checklist out.
If their goal is to sell something,
they should be selling in the cold email.
But let's assume you actually had
a value add checklist to deliver.
Let's assume for a second, or let's pretend for a second,
that this checklist is actually super valuable,
and what I wanna do is rewrite this email
for the distribution of an article.
Maybe you're sending an article to cold clients
because you wanna do more of a longer sales cycle,
maybe your cold emails aren't getting responded to
and in your specific industry it's better to deliver
this type of value first.
First thing I wanna look at is the subject line.
"Marketing and advertising industry are freaking out!"
(chuckles) This a terrible subject line.
It's very click-baity, very BuzzFeed.
"Question about your Linkedin."
So,
"Alex, LinkdIn has changed recently
"and people in the Marketing and Advertising industry
"are freaking out!
"But, the truth is, it really doesn't matter that LinkedIn
"is constantly updating their look and feel.
"LinkedIn is a tool and will always change."
So, this reads more like a blog post,
and it's super long.
Remember our rules for cold email, right?
Our best practices.
Make sure the email can be read on an iPhone,
five sentences or less.
So with those in mind, let's knock this out of the park.
So, when you're rewriting your cold email,
especially if it's a really long one like this,
one of the first things I like to do
is batch them into groups.
So, this first section is talking about
the value of LinkedIn itself.
Then, this next section talks about
the value of the checklist.
And this third one talks about why someone
needs the checklist.
Then, finally, the call-to-action at the end.
And then there's a P.S. and an Unsubscribe.
I'm gonna remove this P.S. just 'cause it's insanely bad.
And so, let's tackle each section individually.
So, the value of LinkedIn could be covered
with the same template that we always use.
So, they're appealing to marketers, right?
So, why restate the value of LinkedIn?
Especially if you're gonna phrase it as,
"We all know as marketers the value of LinkedIn."
So, instead, do something like,
"Came across your LinkedIn profile,
"super impressed with your background.
"It's clear you know how to use LinkedIn
"as a marketing tool.
"This LinkedIn Funnel process is created
"by LinkedIn expert, Trevor Turnbull,
"and has been successfully implemented
"by thousands of people."
Trevor Turnbull, I've never heard of him,
but if we assume that he's famous
then we can mention his name.
Otherwise, it's not really worth mentioning
people's names like this,
unless it's really gonna get people to light up.
So, one sentence that hits that.
"Trevor Turnbull, a LinkedIn marketing expert
"with over X profile views."
This is some kind of backing, right?
If you're gonna name a celebrity that somebody
might not have heard about, or an expert,
give them some sort of expertise,
rather than just calling them a LinkedIn marketing expert.
I would even remove the word expert and just say,
"A LinkedIn marketer with over X profile views,"
or whatever that measure of success is
that Trevor Turnbull has.
Why someone needs the checklist?
I'll just remove that.
Then we'll combine this CTA with the why it should happen,
and then, thanks.
"Do you wanna take a look?
"Happy to send it over,
"just want to get your permission first.
"Thanks, Delilah."
And that's either gonna get a yes or a no,
and that's an opt-in, right?
You don't have to send them to a fancy opt-in form.
Just getting a yes or a no from this email is enough.
Thanks for watching the video.
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Thanks.