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Most people know the common five to seven stages of grief:
shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression,
testing, and acceptance.
Everyone experiences these stages in entirely different ways
While you're grieving many people will tell you something along the lines of "Stay strong" or "It'll get better."
While those are predictable and well-intentioned things to say in an attempt to comfort someone, they're not always true
When I was younger, I experienced more than my fair share of grief and after years of reflection
I've come to understand that there is more to grieving than most people realize.
I would like to share with you five things about grieving that I desperately wish someone would have shared with me.
1. We grieve for more than the dead.
Yes, the death of a human being is the most common source of grief, but it's not the only one.
You can experience the whole force of grief for anything important to you.
You can grieve the loss of a pet.
You can mourn the loss of a sentimental object, the loss
of a beloved place, or of any kind of relationship or connection.
Nothing has to die in order for you to go into mourning.
There can be grief for a friendship that has just drifted apart,
or for the ending of your favorite book series,
a home that you've had to move away from.
You can grieve for yourself.
When you grow and change as a person
pieces can be left behind.
Old bits of a personality and mannerisms that we can ache for all the same.
Whenever something is lost no matter what no matter why,
and it causes pain in its absence? That is grief.
2.
"Just stay strong," typically goes hand in hand with
the denial phase of grief.
It's when you're told that despite all the terrible things happening to you,
"You must stay strong and overcome it."
What is not said, is that "just stay strong" should mean,
"When you're done properly grieving, you will still be alive."
"This will not kill you. You are stronger than your tragedy."
Instead of pretend like nothing's wrong:
"Don't let your tragedy affect you. Just keep living regardless."
Denial is usually said to be the first or second stage of grief.
If you find yourself stuck there, you will never eventually
get to acceptance and you will never really be out of
your cycle of grief.
It's okay to not be strong.
That's what people should tell you when you're beginning to grieve.
It's alright to cry, to scream, to take time away.
It's understandable to feel weak for a bit,
so long as you learn to let that weakness go.
You do not have to "Stay Strong."
If you do, moving on may become difficult.
Weakness and vulnerability is part of the
grieving process and it should be accepted.
3.
There should be a guilt phase of grief.
Often when we lose something, those of us that are still
here, feel a sense of guilt: some people feel left behind,
Some feel survivor's guilt:
in which they believe they should also be gone
or should have died in the other's place.
Some simply regret what they missed out on before the end.
They regret something they said, or did,
or the lack thereof.
We find a way to place the blame on ourselves
find a way to make circumstances our fault,
even when it's not.
Facing death often proceeds a re-evaluation of life
It's only natural that we question things in our time of grief
It's normal to find regrets.
You're always going to feel like you could have done something.
You're not weird or unhealthy to feel a sense of guilt,
but you need to learn to let it go eventually.
There's nothing to gain from holding on to it.
Instead, turn that guilt into nutriment
for what is still alive.
Learn from your regrets and use them as a guide
to ensure that you live the life you have to the fullest.
4.
Time means little to the act of grieving.
It does not heal all wounds,
but merely smooths them over, making
it easier to forget their presence.
"It'll get better," is nice.
Though not necessarily true, and that's okay.
There are some things that'll never really go away
Some scars never fade,
but that's a fact of life and part of you.
It's normal to still be haunted by things that happened long ago,
to still grieve years later.
Do not be down on yourself for being emotionally caught up
caught up in the past sometimes.
You can't just ignore trauma and tragedy,
and hope that it'll go away
Nothing fixes itself.
To heal requires treatment.
Whether that be through outside assistance
or internal reflection.
Acceptance will not just roll round to you.
You have to get there yourself.
5.
Acceptance is more complicated than just admitting to a loss.
Acceptance is not a finish line.
There is no real finish line with grieving,
because grief is not a marathon.
Rather than a straight shot to the end,
it's a winding and confusing maze.
Nor is it a "one-and-done" thing.
More than likely, you will find yourself going through the
cycle of grief several times throughout your life, and
chances are, you'll grieve the same thing more than once.
You can regress and that's perfectly okay.
You could be done with grieving for years
when suddenly something triggers you,
and you have to go through it all over again.
This usually happens if you did not let yourself
grieve properly the first time.
But it can still happen to those that have had the proper closure
We're never really done with grieving.
We will grieve for as long as we live.
A cycle of grief goes hand-in-hand with a cycle of life.
But that is nothing to be afraid of.
In order to accept our losses,
we must accept the cycle of grief for all that it is.
We hope you enjoyed this video,
and if you're grieving,
we hope that you fully allow yourself to do so.
Maybe you know someone who's grieving,
share this video with them.
Always thanks for watching.