-Here's what people are talking about.
Some news out of Washington.
President Trump announced that he's releasing
thousands of files on JFK
even though they were already set to be released.
[ Laughter ]
And he said, "Not only that,
I'm declaring October 31st Halloween."
[ Laughter and applause ] "I'm doing it. That's right.
We'll all be saying 'Merry Halloween' again.
[ Laughter ]
This is kind of crazy. There was a conspiracy theory.
Did you see this going around that Melania --
Melania Trump had been replaced with a body double?
Did you hear this? [ Laughter ]
It's a rumor, but some people
are pointing to these photos as proof.
Take a look. So, the woman on the left
they say is fake Melania,
and the woman on the right is real Melania.
But it didn't help that Donald Trump was saying --
Well, he said this while standing with her. Watch.
-We will be doing that.
My wife, Melania, who happens to be right here.
[ Laughter ]
-Why would you say that?
-Why'd he need to say that? -Why would anyone ever --
"She happens to really be really here, so it's not a hologram.
It's a real person, so...
It's a human being. There's no way --
Now I'm gonna walk through her.
I'm gonna walk -- -Zwwwm!
-Maybe -- Do I have a twin? I don't know."
[ Laughter ]
"It's like David Copperfield
walking through the Great Wall of 'Gyna.'"
[ Laughter and applause ]
"She may be real. She may not be real.
Well, the story turned out to be false,
but there are other theories about people in the White House
that are still being talked about.
For instance -- These are rumors.
-Rumors.
-There's a rumor that Attorney General Jeff Sessions
is actually a gnome from the Rose Garden
that comes to life during the daytime.
-Really? -These are rumors.
-That's a rumor.
That's not true. That's just a rumor.
-There's a rumor that Senator Mitch McConnell
was replaced by a sad faucet.
[ Laughter ] -Really?
-How could I prove it? -I'll disprove it.
It's just a rumor. -It's a rumor.
-It's just hearsay. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
Finally, it is rumored that President Trump's tie
is actually just a Fruit By The Foot.
-Really? -He eats it --
He can eat his tie.
-It gets longer? -"An edible tie.
Happy hallo-istmas." [ Laughter ]
-Gosh.
But this story really blew up, so we actually got in touch --
"The Tonight Show" -- we got in touch with the real Melania,
and she agreed to talk to us tonight,
right now, to clear things up.
Melania, are you there?
-Hi, Jimmy. Yes.
Hi, yes.
I am very happy to be here.
-Yeah. -Yes.
-Yeah. Well, I've never met you before.
I have to say, you seem a little different.
-Huh? Me? No I'm just old me.
Me, Melan-- "Me," short for "Melania."
[ Laughter ]
-"Me" is short -- "Me" is short for "Melania."
Yeah, I know that. -Yeah.
-Me -- are you Melania, or are you a body double?
-I'm a -- I'm a Melania.
-Okay.
Okay, well, look, just to make our audience comfortable
and prove that you're not a body double,
I'm going to ask you some questions
that only the real Melania would know.
Are you okay with that?
-Uh, yeah, sure. Yeah, definitely.
I want to answer your questions, and I can.
[ Laughter ]
-That doesn't count as a question.
You're already getting nervous. -Okay.
-Now, our first question --
-First of three?
-I don't know how many. [ Laughter ]
-How many questions? -I don't know the first --
-How many questi-- Okay.
-All right. Let's just start with the first one.
-Okay, fine. -"First of three."
I don't know.
What is the name of the city where you were born?
-Slo-- Slov-- Uh, Slov--
-Yeah. Slovakia. -What did you say?
Did you say Slovakia?
-Yes, I said Slovakia, but that's the country.
-That was the answer.
[ Laughter ]
-There's no way of -- But --
-Did you say that? -Did I --
-Yeah, I did say that, but I asked you the question.
-Oh, you were wrong?
[ Laughter ]
-No, no, I -- I wasn't wrong, but...
Let's just go to the next question.
-Okay. Okay, redo, redo, redo.
[ Laughter ]
-Melania, where in the White House
is the First Lady's office?
-It's in the attic.
[ Laughter ]
-Okay. Now, this is -- I don't know.
Is there an -- -There's an attic above the --
There's how many floors?
-Uh... Three? I have no --
-Yeah, three.
I was gonna say three, and three plus an attic.
That's where they keep the woman --
That's me. [ Laughter ]
-The First Lady.
Last question -- as First Lady,
what have you said are your three main goals?
-There's three? -Yeah. Yeah, yeah, three.
Just three main goals.
-Three main goals.
-They have to be the main goals, not the side goals.
[ Laughter ] -No.
Just give me three of the main ones.
-Oh, yeah, three of the main ones.
Sure, sure, I thought --
Okay. I was ju-- I thought, "Who...?"
Uh, b-bullying.
S-Stop it.
[ Laughter ] -Yeah, yeah, thank you, Melania.
-Sugar. Keep eating it.
[ Laughter ] And, uh...
-Your goal is to keep eating sugar?
-You know, and m-make sure you remember...
-Yes. -...friendship is real.
-Okay. Thank you very much.
Melania -- the real Melania Trump.
Friendship is real. Oh, yeah, there you go.
Your glasses.
Doesn't even know how to put on glasses.
Okay. Very good.
Silly. Oh, my gosh. Thank you.
[ Applause ]
What? -What?
-Did you guys see this?
I saw that CNN released a new ad today where they use fruit
to say how they stick to the facts and the president doesn't.
Did you see this? -Yeah.
-The apple? Check it out if you didn't see it.
♪♪
[ Laughter ]
-Well, President Trump actually released
his own response to the ad.
[ Laughter ]
Take a look at this.
Fake fruit? -Fake fruit?
-What is he talking about?
[ Cheers and applause ]
-"Walnut."
-I want to say congratulations to the John Stamos,
who just got engaged to his girlfriend.
Hey, John, congratulations. [ Cheers and applause ]
That's right. She's just 31, and he's somehow still 31.
He just doesn't -- The guy can't age.
He looks fantastic.
That's right. John Stamos is getting married.
I heard he's got a pretty good wedding deejay -- D.J. Tanner.
-Oh. -Oh, hey, hey!
Hey-oh! Hey!
-Guys, I saw that "Boo 2! A Madea Halloween"
finished first at the box office this weekend.
That's right.
Tyler Perry's really busy these days
'cause he's also Melania Trump's body double.
-Really? [ Laughter and applause ]
-Check this out, you guys.
Developers are working on a hyper loop
that could get you from Washington D.C.
to New York City in just 29 minutes.
[ Audience "Oohs" ]
And once you're here, you can take a subway
from Penn Station to Times Square
in just four hours. -Wow!
[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]
Chhhh!
-This is pretty weird.
I heard that people in Hawaii are stealing cans of spam
and reselling them.
So if you think you're having a rough day,
imagine being the guy waiting on the corner for his spam dealer.
He's like, "Where is this guy?
Come on. Where is this guy?
Come on, get here, man!" [ Applause ]
And, finally, I read that a couple in Orlando
who ordered plastic storage bins on Amazon
got a delivery filled with 65 pounds of weed.
[ Laughter ]
They were like, "Wow.
Amazon Prime's even better than we thought."
There we go.
We have a great show tonight. Give it up for The Roots!