Jim, I want to talk about masturbation.
Now, I just want you to know that it's-it's a perfectly normal, uh, thing.
And I have to admit, uh, you know.
I did a fair bit of masturbating when I was a little younger.
- I, uh... I used to call it "stroking the salami." - [Groans]
Yeah, you know, "pounding the ol' pud."
I never did it with baked goods.
But you know your Uncle Mort? He "pinched the one-eyed snake" five, six times a day.
See, it's like, uh, practice for the big game.
You see? It's like... It's like...
banging a tennis ball against a brick wall.
Which can be fun. It can be fun, but it's not a game.
- Right. No. - It's not a game.
What you want is you want a partner to return the ball.
- Do you want a partner? - Yeah. Yeah-Yeah, I want a partner.
- You do want a partner? - Oh, I want a partner.
- Want a partner. Good. Good. - Of course.
Good.
So, once Hal becomes king, he has to take on...
the responsibilities of leadership and turn his back...
on his old, drunken friend, Falstaff.