-This show is sponsored by BetterHelp Online therapy,
visit betterhelp.com/padilla because sometimes existing is exhausting.
My name's Anthony Padilla and I spent a day with autosexuals
will uncover the truth about how it feels
to get butterflies in their stomach when thinking about themselves
or visualizing themselves naked and how auto sexuality can go far
beyond simply being sexually attracted to oneself resulting
in one of the guests in this video, falling in love with,
and even getting engaged, marrying oneself.
By the end of this video,
we'll find out if identifying as autosexual has enabled these guests
to unlock a level of self-confidence and self-love far beyond what most people
allow themselves to experience,
or if the unprovoked attacks and hate that they receive
claiming that they're just narcissistic attention seekers
made them regret publicly embracing this label for the first place.
Hello, Ghia.
-Hello.
-Alex.
-Hi.
-Kenzie. -Hi Anthony. How are you?
-How do you define auto sexuality?
-Its self-love.
It's seeing yourself in the mirror and being able to not only love yourself
but be aroused by yourself.
-I prefer self-pleasure over sex with like partners or anyone else?
-In the same way, I would be attracted to a lover,
I am attracted to myself.
-It goes beyond sexual attraction to yourself, it is also romantic.
-Yes, very much so.
-Is it the exact same thing as interacting with a potential suitor?
-I look at myself the way that like other people
would look at their partners.
-You stand there, nude in the mirror, admiring your body, and say,
"Damn, bangable."
-Yes. Like that.
-I love looking at myself in the mirror and when I spend time by myself,
I often feel like I'm spending time alone with a crush.
-I just look in the mirror, and I like what I see,
I may even look in the mirror while doing my central act with myself,
and that can really progress things.
-I've done an episode on asexuality.
Does auto sexuality fall under the asexuality spectrum?
-It is considered asexual.
The difference is you have the people that are sex pulse which most asexuals
find themselves on that side.
I'm not to the point where I will never have sex with someone else,
but I just don't prefer it.
-I've known for a long time that I've been able to experience love,
desire, and pleasure with other people,
but the second that you surpass second base
and you're migrating onto third, my brain tends to shut down.
-To what degree do you prefer self-pleasure
over pleasure with others out?
-Out of the entire month, I usually have sex like once or twice,
but then with myself, it's pretty healthy, pretty regular.
It's like I'm not completely turned off on it.
It's just not that common to find me actually wanting it with other people.
-Is it fluid?
Is it some days it's more than the other or is it pretty consistent?
-For me, I would say it is pretty fluid.
I have some weeks where I have pretty regular sex with my partners
and then other times where I go several months
without wanting anyone else?
-Why do you think auto sexuality is seen as narcissistic
while the self-love movement
is seen as something empowering and encouraging?
-The only difference is that it's asexuality.
-I feel like it's their own self-esteem or their opinion of themselves
that may guide them into thinking, well, you have this inflated ego,
you're narcissistic.
I think it's really true to heart a projection on themselves.
-Where is that line drawn between encouraging
someone to love themselves and saying you that person is narcissistic
for loving themselves a little bit too much.
-Narcissism tends to be psychological and fit and mental whereas
auto sexuality tends to be like emotional and personal.
You look at yourself and you find yourself hot for you.
You sit there and go everyone around me knows I'm hot.
That to me screams more of the narcissistic mindset.
-No one in the world could know that you find yourself sexually attractive
if you didn't choose to talk about it.
-Yes, exactly.
-Do you remember the moment when you realized that the attraction
that you felt for yourself was different than the way that others
were attracted to themselves?
-It started when I was seven and I looked at myself in the mirror
after I had showered and I noticed I really liked what I saw.
I discovered I was asexual before I realized I was attracted
to other women actually.
-I actually decided to go online and say,
why is it that sometimes when I'm doing the dude,
I think only of myself, and that's how I came to the discovery.
That asexual was even targeted your brain's going to sit there and think,
wow, am I full of myself,
and it takes that sitting down and saying no because I don't care
what other people think of me.
-Before you had the term for it, did you try to suppress it?
Did you try to say, "Oh, wait,
I shouldn't feel these things about myself.
I should feel that way about others." -God, yes.
A lot of it was me trying to force myself to enjoy things with other people,
but what I came to realize was sessy time with other people was a chore.
It wasn't pleasing.
It was, "I am doing this to make sure that everything feels normal
in the relationship."
-See, I never really suppressed my auto sexuality
once I realized it was there.
I really tried to cultivate it,
and I found it's been really beneficial for me.
When I was in college I had a wet dream about myself,
that I was hooking up with a version of myself with green hair.
Then I actually went and dyed my hair green.
-Then you were like, "Damn, I am into myself."
-Right.
-Have you ever come out to your parents?
-They don't need to know that I pleasure myself to myself.
Why would that come up at conversation?
-Do you think there's a chance they might see this video?
[chuckles]
-Yes. -Hey, Kenzie's parents.
Hope you learn something new.
Hope it didn't scar you too much.
-Yes. John and Wendy, I love you very much.
I'm sure you're going to support me.
My dad's got a psychology degree.
He'll just go read a few books and then be fine.
-Have you dealt with any averse reaction from anyone that you know
when you come out as autosexual to them?
-I think when it comes to sexuality people can be very closed-minded
and if something isn't traditional, then people tend to be wary of it.
I've also heard obtuse arguments like, "Well, if everyone was autosexual,
then nobody would reproduce ever."
I think people just bring their assumptions
into it and project them onto me,
and it's just a reflection of their prejudices.
-Why are people caring about who's reproducing?
It seems bizarre that they're basically saying like,
"I want you to reproduce so bad."
-"Make a baby, dammit." -"I don't know you,
you probably won't, and I'm upset that you're not going to make me a baby."
-I've had some people say that I should **** myself,
that people like me are going to die out because we won't breed.
A lot of accusations that revolve around being selfish, narcissistic,
and toxic for society.
-When you are experiencing self-pleasure are you thinking about yourself
and your body and the way you are,
or is there something else that you're thinking about?
-The main thing I think about is just my physical appearance.
I find myself sexy the same way that I find my partner sexy.
I feel like with that,
it's a lot easier to pay attention to my body and what my body's feeling too,
which is something that I used to struggle with before I came to terms
with my sexuality. -Does it ground yourself,
make you feel like you are there
at the present- -Yes, it definitely does.
--because you are connecting your mind to your body,
and thinking about your body?
-If I'm thinking about my partner and only my partner,
I don't feel pleasured with it,
so it keeps me from dissociating during sex.
-In college was the first time I went and took myself out on a date.
-I feel like a lot of people have done a thing where they go out by themselves
and they don't call it a date.
They don't say that they're taking themselves out.
Why do you think it is that you choose to view it that way?
Is it because there's something more to it?
-Date night is more special.
It's like I'm spending intimate time with myself,
appreciating myself for who I am.
It's specifically devoted to self-pleasure.
It's all about the mood you're creating and the intent behind spending time
with yourself that makes it a date.
-A lot of people after they experience something sexual with a partner come out
of that experience afterwards feeling so much more connected,
feeling more confident in themselves.
Do you feel that with yourself after experiencing a sexual act with yourself?
-It's almost like I just meditated for like 30 minutes and I'm sitting there
just in this euphoric state of peace, tranquility,
no thoughts running through my head.
That is something that is near impossible when being sexual with someone else,
especially the aftermath.
The aftermath is just pure anxiety for me,
mainly because my partner wasn't able to do to me what I did to them.
-You are engaged to yourself?
-Yes.
-How did that happen? Did you plan a moment to propose yourself?
Did you do the whole traditional thing of getting down on one knee?
-It's not a legally binding marriage.
-Right. -I haven't found any kind of marriage
ritual that I want to do because let's face it,
the self-marriage ritual is a self-love ritual.
The only person I think I'll ever marry is myself.
I realized," Oh hey, that's a good idea."
Literally, I was sitting there at the computer and I asked myself,
"Geo, do you want to marry me?"
I said, "Yes."
-And then? -Just like that, I was engaged.
-[chuckles]
Was it a match made in heaven?
Are you happy with this engagement so far? -Absolutely.
Like this.
-A lot of people say that sexuality is something that you are born with
and cannot be changed and is never influenced by the outside.
How do you think your experiences through life may
or may not have affected your sexuality?
-Although not all autosexuals and not all asexuals
are the way they are due to trauma, for me I am.
I had my father and my brother abuse me for several years
and then I also was groomed in that church at some point or another,
I was being abused by someone for the longest time I was on that end
of the spectrum where I was completely sex-repulsed,
whenever I'm having sex with someone else,
I can't help but to have those thoughts about what has happened to me
and I struggle with interest of thoughts and flashbacks,
I do feel like some part of me with,
or without the trauma is still asexual,
but I just feel like the trauma like amplified it.
-Do you fear that some people might be frustrated with you for saying
that your experience may have been influenced
by traumas that you've experienced in your life?
-Yes, I've had that.
It definitely falls back into the black and white thinking.
Either all Asexuals are this way, or none of them are some people,
whether it's within the community or not, they hear that and say,
so sexuality is a choice.
That's not what I'm saying.
Trauma does like rewire your brain.
Even if I work through my trauma,
I'll still probably fall under the asexual spectrum.
My brain is never going to not be the way that it is.
-Have you found that the LGBTQ community is completely accepting about sexuality
before we continue learning about the world of auto sexuality?
If someone looks really similar to maybe even identical to,
could you find yourself sexually attracted to that person?
-I've had that experience before.
-I know the censorship in this video is a little over the top,
because we got to do what we got to do for YouTube to be cool.
This episode, along with others, like I spent today with asexuals,
pansexuals, bisexuals, and even, and dominatrixes
are available completely uncensored on the podcast version
of the show links for that are down below. Of course.
We are just getting started because I'd also like to thank Doodah.
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Now back to the world of auto sexual.
Have you found that the LGBTQ community is completely accepting sexuality?
-I've noticed that people who are in the LGBTQ community tend
to be more accepting of my auto sexuality.
There are also plenty who aren't,
I've even been accused of making the LGBTQ community look bad.
-Other Asexuals who tend to be a lot more turned off
because they think it gives them a bad look.
I had someone tell me flat out that I shouldn't be going to pride
because I'm making them look to be a joke.
-Why do you think people do feel like it's making a mockery out of sexualities?
-I Feel like it just comes from not understanding it.
They don't think to look into it because why would they look into it more
if they already know what it is.
-Unlike other sexualities,
auto sexuality cannot be seen unless you're into some really freaky.
Do you find that you have felt oppressed at all in public for auto sexuality?
-One could say yes because not many people know about auto sexuality,
but part of that is tied to because it's so self-involved really,
I feel like the only person that could oppress you is yourself.
-How has having this label benefited you in your life?
-I feel like being able to name my auto sexuality helped me
explore it more because I was able to know exactly what it was.
It gave me a direction for how I could cultivate
better experiences with myself and really experience
my love for myself in full.
-Me being autistic and neurodiversity,
being able to have a label that honestly someone else figured out
so I don't have to is the only way I have been able to describe things
like my identity without those definitions.
I'm just lost for words.
-If there were no labels, then you'd have to,
every person have to give an in-depth viewpoint whereas I would just want
someone to know who I am surface level, we right off.
the bat and I think that's what we're discovering
with these labels, everybody's brain is so vastly different,
that if you want someone to know who you are as quickly as possible,
or know the way you process sexuality, or process your gender,
these labels are what's creating that.
[music]
-What's something you wish you could say to anyone,
who might even be in the comments right now saying,
"Autosexuality is not a real sexuality, you just made it up."
-You're wrong, we're here whether you like it or not.
-Why do you care, ask yourself internally why it's worth your time
to even acknowledge this because from that you might find self-prejudice,
you might find discovery, you might find that you're autosexual
and you've been hiding, and you've been keeping it to yourself.
-Rocchio wants to know if someone looks really similar to you,
maybe even identical to you,
could you find yourself sexually attracted to that person,
or does it go beyond just physical attraction,
you require something that is innately you.
-Honestly, no, it's not looking in the mirror
and seeing a physical being that is attractive,
it's looking in the mirror and seeing me,
so if I was looking at someone who looked like me once I got past the,
"What the fuck is going on here." It'd probably just be more like,
"Damn I didn't know I looked that good." I wouldn't have any desires past that,
even if I have thought about those desires mentally myself.
-I've had that experience before, I had a partner in high school,
we looked exactly a like,
our personalities are about the same too,
so it's not just them physically looking like me,
she looked and acted exactly like me, like it was like a fucking mirror.
-It wasn't just the looks,
it was also the personality that was much like you?
-Yes, it was physical, and the personality-
-It felt like you had a clone of yourself.
-We would always joke about being doppelgangers.
-I guess that was maybe one of your first signs
that you were attracted to yourself.
-That should have been a sign.
[laughs]
-When you're talking with someone and the subject comes up
that you are autosexual, do you invite people to be curious and ask questions.
-I would let anybody ask me any question about anything,
it is my responsibility to answer the questions for those who may feel
like their question is ignorant or even rude,
where a lot of the times a rude comment, it wasn't meant to be rude,
it came off in ignorance but someone may not be able to see that.
-A lot of people are curious but afraid to ask questions because they don't want
to overstep boundaries but then they remain ignorant,
they remain distancing themselves from these conversations.
-100%, being able to answer any question has allowed me to take the most ignorant
of people who may have the most base layer viewpoint
of what we're going for and get them to understand things a little bit more,
and from there it's up to them whether they take the information or not.
-If there's anyone watching who feels like they might identify as autosexual
but is having either trouble coming to terms with it,
with themselves or having trouble publicly identifying this way
because of the negative stigma attached to it,
is there anything that you want to say to them?
-If you feel like you need to take your time coming out,
then definitely take it,
but I would still encourage you to explore your autosexual desires,
they've led me to a treasure trove of self-love.
-Oh, you got five seconds a shout out to promote anything you want
directly in the camera, go.
-If you want to know any more about what it means to be trans
or auto in any way, go check out my Tik Tok,
you can click the link, listen to my music,
go see our Youtube channel, whatever you want.
-Here's a shoutout for Quail Belle Magazine.
-I have a Tik Tok and Instagram,
and then I also have my main Youtube channel,
I do talk about something like this on my channel too.
-If you're willing to learn and educate yourself
on any topic whatsoever, go to Anthony Padilla's channel
because I guarantee you, there's going to be a topic
that you're interested in, and a topic that you didn't even know existed.
-For real?
I'm sure a lot of people are learning about auto sexuality today
for the first time. -Learning about bi-sexuality,
and asexuality, you cover so much. -There we go, there you have it,
I spent a day with autosexuals and I feel like I understand the nuances
of auto sexuality a little more,
like how finding oneself attractive is not necessarily exclusive
from loving others, and how empowering it can be to give yourself
full permission to unabashedly love and appreciate yourself in all ways.
[music]
-I've had some very fulfilling experiences with mirrors.
-Let's hear, you got any hot spicy scoops for us.
-Yes, I love mirror sex,
whether it's with another person or just with myself,
and I also enjoy taking sexy photos of myself,
I don't have enough fans or anything but I like to enjoy the photos for myself
and I share them with people who I deem worthy.
-You don't even need an undisclosed website for fans,
you can just have this personal Rolodex of photos for you and you only,
you are the fan? -Yes,
the fan is made.