- Talk about like your journey, Stevie.
- Are you flirting?
- You really know how to appeal to someone's ego, you know.
- I'm never not flirting.
- Hi guys, I'm Stevie.
So today, I'm doing something that I very rarely do.
I'm doing a collab.
So welcome, miss Alayna Joy.
- Hi. - Wait its just Alayna Joy.
(laughing)
- You can call me whatever you want Stevie, it's fine.
- What if its hateful?
- Up to you.
- Coz it was MissFenderr.
- I will be whatever you call me.
- I think I merged them.
- MiscellaneaJoy.
- I'll take it, I'm Mrs Alayna Joy.
- Are you a dumb now?
Is that what you have missed?
(laughing)
- You just got done shooting a video on Alana's channel,
and it was the video series that she has on her channel
is called "Lesbian versus Baby Gay."
And it's where we answer your questions
as a, more seasoned lesbian, versus a baby gay.
- Yes and I don't know
that I necessarily feel like a baby gay anymore.
So now I feel.
- You had a big summer, didn't you?
(laughing)
- No comment, first of all.
Second, I think like you all watching are the baby gays.
I get, can I be a little seasoned.
- Awww. - Just a touch.
- Yeah, you got salt and pepper.
You're a salt and pepper baby gay.
- I'll take it.
I'll take salt and pepper.
- No spice mixes yet.
- No. - Just the salt and pepper.
- No, okay.
- Jump right in, let's have some questions.
Oh but also, you should probably watch the video
on Alyna's channel first and then come back here,
because just watch things chronologically you know?
- Trustingly, gave Stevie.
- Oh yeah.
- Gave Stevie access to my Instagram account,
to go through the questions.
- Okay, so I am now on Alyna's Instagram
looking at the questions.
- Oh, you baby gays. - All babies, all babies.
- A lot of them are talking
about how you're not a baby gay anymore how cute.
- Okay, did I not just say that?
- Yeah, what is a baby gay?
- Oh, you're gonna hate this.
I think a baby gay is a feeling.
(laughing)
- Awww I love that.
- That's not gonna work for you.
- No, I do love that.
- It's like, I think there's a lot of excitement,
and there's a lot of uncertainty.
For me the feeling of being a baby gay was like,
I don't know what I'm doing,
everything feels new,
and everything's still does feel new, but I mean,
like there's less terror.
Once you start actually exploring
and experiencing I don't know
I feel like I'm settling into my gay identity.
- I absolutely love that,
I don't know why you said I was going to hate it,
definitely a feeling.
- Because it's not a definition.
And so for you, if I'm just like,
you just know it when you feel it.
You're like "Alaina, I need concrete answers here."
That's why I thought you would hate it.
- I could definitely see that.
Because it's like the feeling of, well, I don't know.
I think that like, it could be controversial,
but I think that queer is a culture.
So like, you can still be a baby gay,
and not have been exposed to queer culture
because you can still have that feeling, even if
(cling)
a thousand women, you know what I mean?
- Ahhh yes. - You can have this feeling.
- I don't think that's controversial.
- Of baby gayness coz because you don't get the lingo,
and you don't understand like what it's about,
you know what I mean?
So, and then vice versa, right?
Like for you, it was the opposite, right?
You were so ingrained in your culture.
- No but what you're saying,
okay, you in my video already, you did this
and now you just gave me another aha moment.
The queer culture thing
yes, I was ingrained in queer culture
in the way that like I made queer friends,
and I, spoke very openly about my queerness and all of that.
But in terms of the actual, queer media
and queer, yeah exactly lingo
in like references and stuff
did not understand because I avoided it like the plague.
I did not watch queer movies,
I stayed out of the culture aspect of it
because it like gave me too many red flags,
like it alarm bells rang in my head and it scared me.
- Ahh well why were you only hanging out with people
at all the events that I ever saw you at?
- Because, going to these events,
that was my time where I could like enact my queerness.
Like in my quote - unquote, regular life,
I didn't know, people.
I had two kind of sides to my life.
The queer one and the straight one.
And then that's why COVID had such an impact for me
on discovering this part of myself
because it took away those events.
Suddenly there were no YouTube events,
that I could go to and just like be around queer people
and be queer myself
or like go out on the weekends and things like that.
So in this feeling of like being less of a baby gay now,
I think it's because I have immersed myself
in queer culture.
- Yeah when you gonna visit the straight culture again?
- And now feels more familiar.
- You know what I mean it misses you.
(chuckle)
- I would be a baby straight all over again if I returned.
Cause it feels foreign.
- I'm really thinking about,
I don't know if you've watched the "L word"
but there's the scene where.
- Yes that's part of the.
(chuckling)
- Tina gets the boyfriend after leaving Brad,
and then invites all the lesbians over and they like,
what are they playing?
They're playing charades.
And it just reminds me of trying to mesh
the two cultures together and the straights
obsessing over like a football player or something
and they're like who?
I don't know if you guys know, but Alayna here,
has recently realized that she is gay.
- Did we introduce anything
or did we just continue the conversation from.
- I was like listen if you didn't watch the first half
of the video sorry about y'all.
(laughing)
- Hey anyone who doesn't know me, my name's Alayna.
I thought I was bi for many years.
I had a wonderful relationship with a man.
And then I basically
in COVID realized that I'm actually gay whoops.
(laughing)
- Okay let's get to the question.
We haven't even done a question yet.
Is it necessary to tell a girl,
it's my first time having s*x with a girl?
- I will say absolutely not necessary.
If it's not something you want to share, that's up to you.
That's your business,
I think that's completely up to you,
but completely acceptable,
and fine and normal and reasonable to share
if you think it will make your experience better
or make you feel more comfortable.
- Yeah, my answer is virginity is fake,
so you do whatever you want.
- Absolutely in my experience,
sharing that this is something new for you
or something you've never done before,
it just makes the whole thing a lot more comfortable
coz then the person that you're with,
knows to be like gentle with you,
and slow and make sure that everybody's having a good time
throughout the entire experience.
So I'm a go, I'm a plus for communication.
- I love it.
I think that maybe people who would consider
not telling them one of the reasons
could be that they're worried that they won't like
them anymore, they'll think they're too much of a baby gay,
or anything like that.
If that's the only thing holding you back from telling them,
then that's not the person that you should be having s*x
with as your first time, if they would react that way.
- How would you feel
if you were sleeping with someone and they said,
"Hey, I've never slept with a woman before."
I think it would be comforting for folks to hear
that if someone said to you,
"This is my first time."
You wouldn't be like, ewee.
What would be your response?
- I mean I recently dated someone
who I was the first girl you ever slept with.
So yeah, no it wouldn't put me off at all,
there's way more things that I find more important.
How do you come out and let people in your life know
that you and your best friend are more than.
- How do you come out?
You come out when you feel confident enough
in that relationship or in that identity,
that the responses of other people,
are gonna affect you minimally.
- Like for me what I would do is I would probably
make my family think that best friends
is the word for lesbians,
and like, they have been misunderstanding
the situation the whole time,
Like, I'd be like. - Put this on them.
- Do you know "I'm sorry do you say that your best friends
with your straight friends?"
That's so weird.
Best friends is this new gen Z word it means lesbian.
So just FYI.
- Right just like, make them feel really dumb.
(giggling)
For not having known this whole time.
- How do you figure out, the never-ending question
of do I like them or do I want to be them?
- Whoa, yeah
(laughing)
- I think if you're asking yourself that question,
like how hard is it to be them Right?
Like you adopt their style, adopt the way that they talk,
you put on a wig, like dress up like them fully
and then be like, am I satisfied?
Or do I actually like them?
- Just do a quick cosplay of this person that in question,
(laughing)
And see how you feel.
- Josie is in the background going.
(laughing)
- She's like what kind od advice is this?
There might be some like gender nuance to this too,
Do I like them?
Or do I want to be them?
I think there's a two-part question.
Because there's like a s*xual orientation question,
and a gender question.
Coz first it's like,
I could confuse attraction with like aesthetic attraction
or wanting to be them.
And that's like I need to break down,
or I needed to break down like,
"Oh wait, no, I'm not attracted to that man
I just want to dress like that man."
Or "I'm not attracted to that man
I just want to be good at climbing like that man."
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- See I immediately pictured it as like,
when you like a girl in school,
or like, do you just want to be like them?
Or are you actually gay?
- Yes.
- I didn't see it as the other way around,
where it's the compet version where it's like,
I can't tell if I like them or if I want to be like them
cause I see that they get the attention from girls,
you know what I mean.
- The person asking the question
is probably asking it that way and you're asking,
"Do I wanna be her?"
"Or do I wanna to be with her?"
You probably want to be with her.
(laughing)
Just as like a framework
for how to answer that question for yourself.
It's like a s*xuality question in terms
of are you interested in that gender,
but then also sometimes a little bit
of gender questioning for yourself.
If you're looking at all of these men,
and thinking do I wanna be them do I wanna be with them?
I think that that's a common experience in like trans
and non binary folks too.
As you see folks of other genders
and you're like,
"Do I wanna be the do I wanna be with them?"
Sometimes you do wanna be them.
Nobody can answer that question for you.
I think is what we're saying.
- 90% Alayna giving amazing, full of nuance beautiful advice
and then me making a joke that's really terrible.
- Is that what it is?
I don't feel like that's what it is.
I think that giving you're jokes are helpful.
- Oh my God I love this question.
Okay, I'm I the only U-Haul lesbian
who fell for a, "I don't want anything serious type."
Please send help.
So this is a self identifying U-Haul lesbian.
Which first of all, we stand, I love it.
Same this is just a classic, you know thing.
You don't, you're not, you don't have compatible
desires at this moment.
- Like do you have very different long-term goals?
Probably not the right person for you in the end.
Just like invite her over
and then like keep cooking her meals.
She'll never leave.
- Hey, how did you know that's my tactic?
- That's why I'm still here.
- This is why I was so shocked that the family has requested
to have a normal Christmas.
I was like,
"I'm sorry, you don't want my manipulation this year."
Excuse me.
(giggling)
(inaudible)
- Your like my manipulation isn't working.
(laughing)
This is new.
- If I can't feed you, then how will I know you love me?
Baby gay here.
Nervous about other women judging me for my pubic hair style
any the advice.
- Oh woo yeah, see this would be a Stevie question
that's you would pick.
- I love it.
That is such a good question.
I think that people having preferences, about your body,
are not chill.
But the hairstyle that you choose for yourself,
should be one that makes you feel the most confident,
makes you feel the most like yourself.
But I do feel like there are fewer
because queer people are already on the outskirts
of what is socially acceptable,
we become more able to challenge societal expectations
about what our body should look like and be like an act like
and smell like and whatever.
So I think that is something that you should worry
about less because never have I ever
had someone be like,
"Ewww you have a bush?"
Or like, "Ewww you're fully shaved."
And never have I ever of the thousands of lesbians
that I've talked to about their s*x lives.
Have they ever said,
"The s*x was great
but like she had a landing strip what then f*ck."
Like ever like that is literally never happened.
- You're exactly right.
That like us queer folks,
we've already broken out of the box.
We've already had to challenge what's expected of us
just to exist as queer people,
I think there's so much more acceptance.
I understand the nerves because you want the person
that you're gonna sleep with,
you obviously want them to think that you're s*xy,
and you want them to be attracted to you.
But it's also like if you do enter into a situation
where somebody is like not into how you present yourself
and what makes you feel comfortable and confident,
then it's just not the person for you, right?
Like it's a lose, lose situation
to manipulate anything about yourself,
to try and please a potential partner.
Because in the long run, you're not being true to yourself
from day one so then you would what?
Need to maintain this change that you've made.
You're gonna need to notice how I'm just like gently
moving it away from pubic hair.
(giggling)
Like I can't say pubic hair on the internet.
- You like literally imagine if every single day
I had to deal with razor burn
on my literal vulva, because what?
Every single day, every single day,
when you just have one conversation with a person
where I'm like, "Oh, this is my bush and please love it.
Thank you bye."
It just sounds miserable,
especially something so powerful and wonderful
as a grooming ritual, right?
Like that is for you.
And then on top of that later,
it's like can potentially be to do with others right?
But the first possible thing is anything grooming
your hair, your nails, your shaving, everything
it's just like almost spiritual thing.
So I would never try to advise to anyone to betray
themselves in such a spiritual and personal experience.
Sorry, there's soft people in my life
who struggle with setting boundaries,
or will give too much of themselves to people like
- Hi, it's me.
- More than they have to give.
I came across
and I just really couldn't understand that at all.
I'd be like, why didn't you just tell people, "f*ck no"
(giggling)
- Obviously.
(fingers snapping)
- It really easy to do that.
And then I saw this TikTok,
that was like advice for people pleasers or whatever
and it was like,
when you have to choose between guilt and resentment
always choose guilt.
She explained that like,
when you are doing something for someone
just because they asked you to
and you're not considering yourself,
then it ends up with resentment, right?
So if someone tells you,
"I really like fully shaven p*ssies."
And you shave your p*ssy every single day,
every time you do it and you hate doing that, right?
Then every time you do it you will be building
resentment for your partner, for the rest of your life.
Versus being like you,
(clink)
"Ewww I'm gonna grow a full bush forever."
You feel guilt in the moment,
but you didn't betray yourself to do it.
You're like misplacing the motion,
you're like resenting the other person
when really your the one who betrayed yourself.
- And I can speak from the people pleaser side of things.
And when you choose, guilt,
like when you choose to say no,
or when you choose to set a boundary,
that is hard in that moment.
And you know, it's going to be hard
and you're gonna feel those difficult emotions,
right then so we avoid that.
Coz we're like, I don't wanna hurt someone's feelings,
I don't want to have a difficult conversation,
I don't want confrontation, I don't want whatever.
We try to avoid that situation
because of the potential negative emotions
that would happen,
but then what ends up happening is more bigger,
stronger, negative emotions
that just grow over time in the longterm.
So it's like choosing guilt in the moment,
feels harder in that moment,
but in the long run,
you're saving yourself so much difficulty.
- This isn't the one I'm choosing but it says
"Women are scary help."
- Awww, they're scary because you care.
They're scary because it matters
and it holds weight for you that's what makes it scary.
And that's kind of a beautiful thing.
- Okay, so this one says,
"I'm 32, I'm into girls, but I've never acted on it.
Now that I've finally accepted myself,
I feel like I'm too old to be this inexperienced.
And I fear that no one would want to date me."
- No.
- We're similar ages and I wouldn't give
(cling)
It's never too late.
- No, absolutely not.
I don't remember if it was this video
or my video that we talked about this in,
but there are so many people that are just now experiencing
or just now discovering their queerness,
like you're never too late.
I get DMS daily from people in their late twenties,
thirties, forties, fifties, saying,
"I'm just discovering my queerness."
Gays are on a different timeline.
We didn't grow up with the representation
that's like starting to happen now,
and so it takes a lot of us too long to figure it out.
I figured it out at 28, you know.
- Yeah there are so many
queer ladies in their thirties who love a bottom.
(laughing)
They love to be able to teach and show
not speaking for myself or anything.
- No definitely.
- I'm just saying you know it's a thing.
- Can we think of this as a bonding experience
and a chance to explore something new together
rather than thinking,
"Well, I'm inexperienced, so I'm no good at it,
nobody's going to want to date me.
How about I'm an inexperience
and I'm experiencing everything for the first time
and this newness is exciting.
That's fun for a partner.
- It's like, oh, this is your first time?
I've got so much to show you.
- Yes. - This is great.
- Oh, I love that's exciting.
- Well, thank you so much for us.
(laughing)
What the f*ck I'm I saying?
I so exhausted.
- We have been gong for.
- Josie your not supposed to laugh at me.
- Thank you so much for all.
- Thank you so much for us. - Thank you so much for us
- Here is to us.
- Okay, Stevie's memory card just died again.
I mean, I could do the outro.
What if I, do one of this and I'll put you,
like, I'll put my screen up to, like there,
you have to talk to the phone.
(laughing)
so that - Shh right sorry.
- Your take is here Kara.
(laughing)
But this is the flavor of the video.
- Go over to Alana's channel and subscribe
as the last thing I was saying.
Also thank you so much to my patrons
for supporting me and videos like this making them happen.
And I'm so excited to send out all of my holiday cards
to all my patrons, which is an idea that I stole from you.
- You do holiday cards to?
- I will see you guys next time.
And then I take my hand and I go like this over the thing
can you do that?
And I'll see you guys back to time bye.
(laughing)
(orchestral music)